Matricide for the Holidays

In West Virginia, sometimes your biggest challenge is surviving your own relatives:

Man burns down trailer with mother inside

Unfortunately, you see many, many stories about domestic violence in West Virginia newspapers, but something about this one really got me. The woman told her 29-year-old son she couldn't care for him any more, and he (allegedly) burns her alive.

Hmmmm, what to get the animal who has everything...

If my pets complain about not getting anything for Christmas, I'm going to pull out this list of "Santa Treats."


(FYI...This was the first line of list of about 8 businesses, most of which were groomers, kennels, etc. But you can guess which one caught my eye.)

Notes on the Never-ending Election

I am so glad tomorrow is election day. I have not yet voted, so I will be charging the iPod to entertain myself while standing in line tomorrow at the local Baptist church.

Get out the Vote - FAIL
My own attempt to "get out the vote" (admittedly feeble) failed because the elderly person I encouraged is -- I believe -- intimidated by the electronic voting machines.

I like you as a boss, but not as a political pundit
There are a few things I don't care to talk to my boss about, and one biggie is POLITICS. I had this awkward situation on Boss' Day when the boss kept trying again and again to engage me in a conversation about the boss' favorite candidate -- who just happens to be my least favorite candidate. Really, there are no good options in that situation. I'm not the best liar, so I just sat silently and smiled. If my candidate loses (and the boss' wins), the only good part will be, perhaps, not having to listen to how stupid people are who voted for the opposition.

Infomercials, blech
Don't like 'em. Not for the perfect push-up device, not for the perfect pasta cooker, and certainly not for political candidates.

23,000? 3 cents?
Am I the only one who finds the great-things-are-happening-here-in-WV commercial by the current governor rather amusing? I admit I know next to nothing about business, like how many jobs there are in the state and that sort of thing, but to me it sounds weird to tout the creation of 23,000 jobs in 4 years. It doesn't sound like much, especially when a research firm announced today that we are in recession and could lose up to 10,000 jobs in the next year.

And then there's the bit about responsible tax cuts and knocking 3 cents off the 6 cent food tax. I'm sorry. I know I'm too pessimistic, but that doesn't make me shout, "Hot damn, we've turned this thing around, Joe!"

Maybe next time dig up some bigger numbers -- anything where you can say millions instead of 3 cents.

We feel your pain, PA

It sucks when Hollywood paints you as bunch of racists (see last post).

It sucks even more when your own congressman calls you racists.

"There is no question that western Pennsylvania is a racist area."
--Rep. John Murtha, to Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

He, of course, apologized (well, apologized and then went on to say we can't deny race is a factor in the election).

Express Fiction

When you have a compelling TRUE story, why create fictional scenes -- especially ones that portray others in a negative light?

The Express is a movie billed as being "based on the true story," but there are several very untrue things in the movie, including an incident in West Virginia that apparently never occurred. And of course the fictional incident depicts West Virginians as racists.

Thanks for piling on, Universal Pictures.

The Case of the "Odorous", "Provoking" Gas

As I was watching my retirement savings plummet, I saw this story cross the wire, and I gotta say, it provided a welcome snicker. The Clif notes version: Man arrested for suspected DWI, man passes gas, man charged with battery (charges later dropped).

But it wasn't just any gas:

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature..."

I am so going to use that language.

Cherokee Purple

First came the deer, and then came the raccoons. My little garden is in ruins, except for two zucchini plants barely clinging to life. I have learned at least that deer and raccoons don't like zucchini.

Not much of anything came of my garden, but there was one success. I ordered some Cherokee purple tomato seeds that my relative started for me, and then we shared the plants. I discovered Cherokee purple tomatoes at the farmer's market in Asheville, NC, a couple of years ago. It's hard to pass the purple-black tomatoes and not notice them (the ones I saw there were blacker than the one pictured below).

Even though we started the seeds late and didn't get the plants out until the end of June, my relative has gotten a few tomatoes and is pleased with the results -- a nice-sized tomato with few seeds. The taste is different, but I liked it. Don't ask me to describe it because I'm definitely not capable of putting a tomato's unique flavor into words.

Stop the presses! This just in: we're STILL obese!

You know, I'm no longer shocked by any of these studies that place WV in top one or two obese states in the nation.

What does shock me is the FREQUENCY of the studies.

Honestly, how many of these are necessary per year? It seems like every other month a new study comes out about obesity. Are they expecting a vast change in a few months, or even a few years?

Come on. Leave us alone for a while.

(um, are you going to eat those fries? 'cause, if not...)

Bee in Indian Pipe

While hiking this week, I stumbled upon something I'd never seen before: hot, steamy bee in Indian Pipe action (as always, inspired by Michelle). You just never know what you'll find in the woods.

State Getting Into Roadside Memorial Business

When I started reading this article, I thought, "Hoorah! They're going to crack down on the roadside memorials!"

But oh no.

Just offering another option, to the tune of $200 per 3-year term. Huh?

So we get to keep seeing the crosses in the MEDIAN (you know how I love the median memorials), plus "signs (that) would be about 2-feet by 2-feet in size, with white lettering on a blue background."

Wonderful.

This Just In: Tiki torch fluid is NOT apple juice

There's a Darwin joke in here somewhere: Drinking tiki torch fluid is not advised

It's good to know, however, that gnawing on "glow products" will likely only result in only "irritation or burning in the mouth."

Glow necklace...OM NOM NOM...

It's that time of the year again

Monday dinner & Tuesday lunch
Yellow squash, zucchini, broccoli & onions sauteed in olive oil, with Weber Veggie Grill seasoning

Tuesday dinner & Wednesday lunch
Yellow squash, zucchini, broccoli & onions sauteed in olive oil, with turmeric, ground coriander, cumin seeds & garam masala
Miraculously, this had almost no taste. I think some of my spices are going bad.

Wednesday dinner
Sauteed cabbage with Old Bay
Really. It tastes sort of like crab, as does just about everything when smothered in Old Bay.

I'm about "squashed out" for a while. It's funny. I wait and wait for the squash to be ready, and then after about a week I've had my fill. The remaining zucchini & yellow squash in my fridge are probably destined for the freezer.

Onions...I got 'em

After last year's golf-ball-sized onion nuggets, I'm quite pleased with this year's crop. The bad news is that it's going to be really hard to dry laundry for the next month or so.


In the past I've waited until the tops turned brown before pulling them, but this year I needed the space to plant my 2nd round of zucchini. Anyone know whether the tops need to stay on till they dry out?

If only all humans could be this resourceful

OK, think about humans who throw up their hands and have no clue what to do when faced with adversity.

Well, here's a mallard duck that has them beat.

BTW, I used to have pet ducks, and while they did all have their own personalities and did do some cute things, I have to confess that none of them ever did anything nearly this bright.

S -- Now With Less Irish

If you're looking for something to really gobble up all your available free time, try genealogy.

After several years off -- hmmm, maybe 5 years -- I'm back into it again, and my yard and house are suffering accordingly. Really, there's got to be something wrong with me to enjoy reading census records.

I've noticed one benefit of losing interest in genealogy for span of years: when you get back into it, there's so much more available online that it's fascinating all over again.

For me, this includes finding out -- much to my disappointment -- that a family I previously thought was from Ireland was in fact from England, like about 80% of the rest of my family tree.

Things I learned on vacation

• On any given night, Family Guy reruns are usually airing on at least one cable channel.
• Brewery and winery tours are significantly more enjoyable for those who actually drink alcohol and partake of the free samples.
• The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum isn't as interesting as it sounds, but I may be the only person who thinks so because the place was packed with tourists.
• Henry Ford's company isn't doing so hot right now but his museum sure is cool.
• I don't drive fast enough to live in Detroit.
• I don't like smelt. It's quite possibly the only fried fish I've had that I can't stand.
• Pop can/bottle deposits are a royal pain.
• I prefer my pasties with a significant amount of gravy.

Raccoon guts, whiplash -- what kind of welcome home is this?

If you're easily grossed out, quit reading now.

So, I was out of state on vacation for over a week and traveled about 2,500 miles across 5 states without incident.

Literally seconds after crossing the state line in Wheeling, a semi in the passing lane just ahead of me ran over a very dead, bloated raccoon, spraying guts all over my windshield and the front of the car. My reaction? "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" And of course I hit the wipers immediately.

Ah, and the smell. Let's just say it was memorable.

I searched for an exit with a car wash, but found none. We quickly figured out we could put the AC on recirculate and reduce the odor, so we decided to wait it out till Washington, PA, where I remembered seeing a car wash.

Now, if this ever happens to you, don't wait to wash it off. It was over 90 degrees that day, so by the time we reached Washington, the green stuff was baked on. The car wash got a lot of it off, but there's still some there and I haven't yet gotten the courage to go scrub it off.

As if that wasn't enough excitement, the very next day I was sitting in traffic and got in my first-ever fender bender. Thank goodness it did no damage to either car (so probably it doesn't even qualify as a fender bender). The guy behind me in the line of traffic hit the back of my car when the light turned green. It just gave me a good jolt. No lasting effects besides some neck stiffness that day, and honestly that could have been a result of stress and not from the actual impact.

So, yeah, I'm glad to be home, but geesh -- I'm getting kind of afraid to leave the house.

Lethargy

As Cat Lady pointed out to me, I haven't blogged in a month. I've just been blah. Nothing major. I've had lots of thoughts, but haven't been able to gather them into anything resembling a coherent series of paragraphs.

Perhaps after my vacation, which starts soon, I'll feel cleansed and will resume posting my typical insignificant chatter. ;)

In the meantime, I leave you with my stunning radish harvest!



OK, maybe not so stunning, but they look kinda cool.

Tempting Tulip

For my cyberfriend Michelle, who likes this sort of filth.

Claw trimmers, steak knife -- ahh, the perfect electrical tools!

I got a surprise jolt from one of my electrical switches last week, so replacing that switch and two others (the other two just for fun) became a weekend project.

Now, I have worked a little with electrical stuff before. I've installed a couple of indoor and outdoor light fixtures -- things like that.

Things went smoothly for the first two switches. The last -- the one with the newest wiring -- gave me the most trouble. I ended up cutting the wire to get it loose from the old switch. For that I used real honest-to-goodness wire cutters (not pictured).

Ahh, but how to strip the wire. Hmmmm. How about the cat nail trimmers? (see thing w/yellow handles above) Brilliant! It'll make a nice score all the way around the wire and let me slip the covering right off.

Well, nice thought, but it turns out the nail trimmers are way sharper than my old wire cutters. They sliced through the copper wire like it was nothing. So, you now know that if you're in a pinch, cat nail trimmers can be substituted for wire cutters.

And that's when I turned to the steak knife to get the covering off the wire. It worked, eventually.

I'm Invited!

Oh, what to wear!



Hmmm, is that a donkey on the fake wax seal? (note to the former Brooklyn Hillbilly: If you host a really formal gathering, you should totally do the donkey seal on the envelopes)



A donkey indeed. In case you can't read the fancy script, I'm invited to vote in the Democratic primary. *Sigh*


"Here's why...There are more candidates from which to choose. The presidential race is ---"

WHOA, buddy, stop right there -- you had me at "from which"!

Seriously, though, I'd been pondering doing this anyway. I'm just a little surprised to be formally invited. Why, I wonder, do the Democrats really want Independents voting in their primary? Because it might make us more likely to vote for their candidates in the fall?

Spring!

Thanks to my house's previous owner, I look like a brilliant gardener in the spring when all of her daffodil, tulip, and grape hyacinth bulbs are in bloom.

Note the gnawed off leaves toward the bottom of the photo. The deer have been really bad this year.

Hindsight is 20-20

Techie Person, upon hearing what certain English profs make: "Oh my God, how can you major in English when you know you're not going to make any money?"

Me: "Uh..."

Techie Person: "I mean, don't they warn you you're not going to make any money?"

Me, stifling a snort: "Um, no. But I recall some talk about doing what you love."

But 15 years later, I'm not going to lie: I often wish I had loved math, biology, physics, or chemistry instead.

April: Tear up the House Month

Last April, I did myself in putting laminate flooring in my living room and master bedroom. It was such an ordeal that I haven't done much of anything in the way of home improvement since.

I'm finally forgetting the floor torture enough to undertake some minor projects -- well, let us hope they are minor.

Tonight is bathroom border must go night.



I actually like this border (I picked it out, after all), but it didn't adhere properly. After looking at the rolled up edges for 4+ years, I decided it was time to take it down.



I already had the removal supplies. Bought those 5 years ago when I got the house and the bathroom was an utter pink-green-the-70s-exploded disaster. It didn't take long to determine it needed more work than I could do myself, so I hired someone to re-do it and the Dif was never needed.



I take back what I said about the it not adhering properly. Ugh...



Somehow I hadn't imagined this much of a mess. Eh, at least it cleaned up quickly.

No more wallpaper for me -- not even a border.

I'll probably paint -- white, because I'm boring -- and add some molding.

Crocus Pr0n for Michelle

Occasionally it's necessary to slip flowers a little money to get a good pose. (Yes, I'm nuts) Explanation is in the comments here.

Pet Peeve - Unnecessarily "Sexy" Websites

Note to my credit card company:

Adding animation, videos, and other random web bling to your financial site does NOT make me a happier customer.

In fact, it annoys me.

No, even the spiffiest Flash in the world doesn't make paying my outrageous bill more fun.

How NOT to Prevent Identity Theft

I finally sat down and did my WV taxes earlier this week. I don't know why I put it off so long. It took all of about 5 minutes thanks to my pathetic lack of deductions.

Sealing the envelope, which contained my social security number, of course, and a (thankfully small) personal check, I recalled the advice of identity theft prevention gurus and decided not to attach it to the mailbox by my front door.

No, this precious envelope should be delivered directly to a post office or official USPS mailbox.

The Next 72 Hours
Day 1
Packed envelope in work bag so I could mail it at lunch.

Worked through lunch...but never fear, I'll put the envelope on top of my desk so I won't forget to mail it after work.

Midafternoon: envelope is gone! OMG, did someone swipe it? Who would want my tax return? Wait, maybe it's in the car.

Thorough evening searches of the car, work bag, and house yielded nothing. WTF? It must be at work.

Day 2
Desperately searched desk and cubicle. Nada.

Lightbulb comes on: check behind the desk.

Crawled underneath desk and wedged hand & arm behind drawers. Found the envelope!

Congratulated self on sheer brilliance.

Got into car that evening and placed envelope in passenger's seat so I wouldn't forget to swing by the post office.

Day 3
Discovered envelope on passenger's seat in plain view, with address up so all who passed could see it was for the State Tax Department.

Congratulated self on sheer stupidity.

Deposited envelope in post office box at Kroger -- I think.

Left Kroger with a cart full of groceries and absolutely no memory of depositing the envelope. But if I didn't mail it, where did it go?

Monitoring checking account to see if (thankfully small) check clears.

GAH!

Cooking Adventures: Mussaman Curry

Mussaman Curry, from "Perfect Thai" cookbook
Key ingredients: Beef, potatoes, onions, peanuts, curry paste, tamarind paste, coconut milk
As my guest put it, if this had been on a buffet, we wouldn't have gone back for seconds. But since we put a lot of time into making it -- not to mention quite a bit of cash for the ingredients -- we managed to eat most of it. It wasn't bad, just blah. Perhaps we didn't have the right kind of curry paste.

The next evening, however, we totally made up for this so-so creation by going out to eat at a new Asian restaurant -- Lavender Cafe -- where I tried bubble tea and Taiwanese chunk chicken.

I liked both but really fell in love with the Taiwanese chunk chicken, which was recommended by the server. It's not marked as spicy on the menu, but it is, especially if you happen to bite into one of the hot peppers (yikes...). No kidding -- I've been thinking about that dish ever since I had it, trying to decide when I can justify going back to get a take-out order of it.

Shredding College

I really did feel kind of guilty throwing the one-inch stack of photocopied 18th century plays into the recycling with the junk mail and newspapers.

I hesitated for just a moment, thinking, "Gee, I should read these things and see if I can understand them this time around."

But it passed.

Shredding the class notes, however, was pure joy. I love the sound of the shredder. There's nothing more satisfying, especially when I'm feeling stressed from work. I sometimes shred junk mail just for the hell of it.

What took me so long to get rid of these things?

Initially I clung to them because I thought someday I might find myself suddenly in the position to teach a literature class. After more than a decade, it finally hit me that it's unlikely an institution of higher learning will get that desperate. And if they do, I would first turn to the Internet, not boxes of scrawled notes in my basement.

So, out they go. I'm slowly working my way through the folders.

Now, if I could only figure out what to do with the enormous anthologies clogging my bookshelf.

Super Tuesday Part II

Just when I thought I had figured out what happened today, I read the last paragraph of this article and am utterly confused all over again.

(in an article titled Huckabee wins W.Va. GOP convention)

Of the three Republican National Committee members from West Virginia who each have a vote at the national convention, only one has declared a preference — for Romney.

Ah yes, this all makes perfect sense.

The best $2.25 of the year...so far

I have short hair, but it's still long enough to cause problems clogging up sink & bathtub drains -- especially last fall when my hair was falling out at an alarming rate for an unknown reason.

In the past, I used 10 Minute Hair Clog Remover, a liquid that runs between $6-7 for the smaller size jug. That used to work pretty well, but as I said, the past few months have been pretty severe and it just wasn't unclogging the drains.

So when I saw this at Lowe's, I jumped at the chance to give it a try.



I'd heard it touted on one of the Saturday morning home improvement radio shows. And for $2.25 -- well, what the hell.

OMG! It worked like a charm. My drains are running faster than they've run in a year or more. And it took me about 10 minutes and $2.25 to achieve the result.

A few words of caution:

• This isn't a job for the queasy. You're bound to dislodge a slimy mass of nastiness.


• The plastic teeth are very sharp.


• The package says it's to be used only once, but I'm going to live on the edge and re-use. I was able to very carefully clean it with paper towels and water. If you decide to save it, keep the package for storage because -- again -- the teeth are very sharp.

Um, yeah, as you might have been able to deduce, I sliced my finger pretty good on the darn thing.

Super Extraordinary Tuesday

Tuesday, Feb. 5, is not just super in WV. It will be kind of eerie because someone is going "to take West Virginia" in Super Tuesday -- yet none of the polls in WV will be open.

That's right. Over 3 months before our primary, Mitt Romney is projected to take WV on Feb. 5, according to the NBC & Fox News analysts I listened to this morning. I'm sitting there thinking, "Gee, but we're not voting Tuesday. That Romney is one sly fox."

Chris Wallace went as far to include WV when discussing various candidates' strategies for Super Tuesday, including WV in a cluster of states where Romney & McCain are launching TV ads because they believe voters can be influenced in those states.

And you know what? I saw a TV commercial for each yesterday. I think I was watching either ESPN or FoxNews at the time. Were they running those for the benefit of WV Republican party members who will be selecting national convention delegates on Feb. 5? Was it a goof? WTF?

And I still don't really get what's going to happen Feb. 5. (perusal of the WVGOP web site didn't enlighten me) Are they endorsing someone? Selecting delegates committed to vote for someone? (Romney, according to the TV political analysts) Or...are the national talking heads just completely off base?

Cause for Celebration

It's a very special night -- the first of three new episodes of House!

To celebrate, I'm making a new recipe: creamy chicken lasagna. So far it looks like it's going to be a little on the crispy side because I forgot and put fat free cheese on top.

Besides eating, which is a given, here's what I've been doing during the writer's strike:

1. Cleaning -- but not really enough to notice


2. Organized my sheet and t-shirt drawers


3. Watching Deal or No Deal and getting irate at the contestants. They definitely wouldn't want me on that show because I'd grab anything over $50,000 and run.


4. Keeping up with the various state scandals by reading the entertaining comments on HK's blog. This is sometimes better than most any TV show.

My new 'dirty' magazine

I subscribed to this magazine just in the nick of time.

I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to open the mailbox and find Mike Rowe peering back at me!

Let this be a lesson to suitcase-obsessed cats of the world

The next time my cat (the one who was napping in my gym bag earlier tonight) insists upon sleeping in the suitcase I'm packing, I'm going to refer him to this story as an example of what could happen.

Of course, I think I would probably notice an extra 14 pounds in my suitcase before I got out the front door.

Book of Remembering

"Oh, S, remember that story about Mr. # that you used to tell?"

I didn't, but from her laughter I knew it must have been a good one.

We were having a lively discussion of quirky teachers we'd had. My elderly relatives were talking along with some of the younger ones. Everyone was having a great time.

Except I didn't remember that story about Mr. #. As my relative re-told her version of the story, I began reconstructing it...but was I really unearthing the memory, or was I just making a new one based on her story?

Later, the same relative warned me to never throw out a particular piece of antique furniture.

"Oh, I would never do that!"

And I wouldn't. I recall my parents painstakingly refinishing the piece that was handed down from my mom's family.

"Do you know where it came from?" She asked.

I had to shake my head "no." The refinishing occurred when I was a kid. If I had heard the story, I probably hadn't even paid attention.

So she told a brief version of its history, and how my mom had picked it out -- of all the things available -- despite the layers and layers of awful paint.

I looked around the room. Gray hair. Tired eyes. Varying degrees of health. I need to remember things, and I cannot rely on others.

So I bought a blank book to record random things I want to recall a decade or so from now. I'll skip the story of Mr. #. It's OK if I forget that one. But things about my parents and relatives, happy memories from childhood -- those things I want to keep with me a while. My goal is one item per day.

2008 Round-up

I haven't been posting much of late, for numerous reasons, but here are some of the things that have happened so far in the new year:

• I went downhill skiing for the fourth time in my life. No injuries.


• I went cross country skiing for the first time and, during an awkward fall that sent the side of a ski up my, um, well -- I cracked my tail bone. (self-diagnosis...it's either cracked or severely bruised)


• Upon learning my age, my elderly female neighbor gasped and expressed deep concern over my withering lady parts. In the future, when revealing my age to people who don't really need to know, I shall reduce my age by five years because I really can't handle the impending doom of my eggs being the FIRST THING people think of when I say my age.

2007 Resolution Grade: C

One of my new year's resolutions last year was to read more. An easy enough resolution, really, but even so, I struggled and average slightly more than one a month.

For the first time, however, I really got into nonfiction. I'm glad about that because I think those books help me the most when it comes to keeping my writing half-way interesting for work.

• Wickett's Remedy by Myla Goldberg
  
• Any Bitter Thing by Monica Wood
  
• The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester
  
• 109 East Palace : Robert Oppenheimer and the Secret City of Los Alamos by Jennet Conant
  
• Accordion Crimes by Annie Proulx
  
• Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs
  
• The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair that Changed America by Erik Larson
  
• Evening by Susan Minot
  
• The Last Girls by Lee Smith
  
• The Life All Around Me By Ellen Foster by Kaye Gibbons
  
• The Painted Drum by Louise Erdrich
  
• Paris Trout by Pete Dexter
  
• The Partly Cloudy Patriot by Sarah Vowell
  
• The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio : How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less by Terry Ryan
  
• Sex With Kings: Five Hundred Years Of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, And Revenge by Eleanor Herman
  
• Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
  
• Wired Style: Principles of English Usage in the Digital Age
  
• Cod: A Biography of the Fish That Changed the World by Mark Kurlansky