The usual hillbilly hiatus is about to begin for the weekend, but before departing, I leave you with the hillbilly lit entry below and this from the Daily Mail.

"the 'zzz' in cybersex"
Mwahahaha! Don Surber has a column in the Daily Mail today on the opening of that wonderful film creation "Wrong Turn" and what he describes as the overreaction some are having about the horror flick. In his column he reports what the governor thinks about the movie (it's "trash" says the gov), and then has these great lines: "He is playing the Church Lady to this flick, which is odd since the married governor just was caught making kissy face with a married state worker," and this, my favorite, "After reading the e-mail between the governor and his girlfriend (they put the "zzz" in cybersex), I know he has no imagination."

Hillbilly Lit: At Home in the Heart of Appalachia
Part One
I finished John O'Brien's book recently and have been waiting a while to write about it, to let it all soak in. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised. Oh, not that I didn't expect a good book based on the recent op ed I linked to by O'Brien that appeared in the New York Times. It's just that I usually don't enjoy books chronicling the author's sad childhood, blah blah, which is what I wrongly thought this book was about. Oh, that was an element in the whole thing, but there's much, much more, such as real, honest-to-goodness facts about West Virginia history -- things that I'm ashamed to say I didn't know, or had selectively blocked from my memory.

For example, O'Brien writes about missionaries who, in order to collect funds from wealthy benefactors to continue their missionary work, helped perpetuate the myth of savage hillbillies infesting the hills of Appalachia. He writes about politics in the state. He writes about the plundering of WV's natural resources.

And, interestingly, as much of the book is based in Pendleton County, he writes about Woodlands Mountain Institute (a.k.a. Woodlands Institute and Woodlands). I spent two Julys at Woodlands' Spruce Knob facility, and, I must admit, I had a great time. What I loved most was the weather and escaping the oppressive humidity of the mid-Ohio valley. I also liked the other WV kids I met there (about 12, I think). I had only passing contact with the Woodlands officials mentioned in O'Brien's book.

Of course, now my Woodlands memories are tainted after I read that one of the Woodlands founders stated the following about the Scholars Academy program in an article that appeared in the Roanoke Times and World News (Sept. 1987). O'Brien writes (p. 275, hardback edition of the book): "(Dan'l) Taylor-Ide, referring to the institute's 'Scholars Program,' describes the best students in West Virginia as 'hillbilly kids and normally they wouldn't get a diddle. And not only does our program get them special consideration from admissions officers, but they almost always get financial aid as well.'"

BAHHHH! That's me. I'm one of the hillbilly kids. I've been profiled as a hillbilly, and I didn't even know it! (Not to mention his disturbing use of the word "diddle" which makes me cringe.)

That aside, I always had serious doubts that the Scholars Program got any of us any special consideration at ANY college or university we applied to. Some of my fellow Scholars Program members went on to very prestigious universities, like Princeton and Harvard. I suppose it's possible that someone at Woodlands might have helped somehow, but many of the Scholars Program kids had outlandishly high SAT scores (I was one of the few who didn't), as well as a plethora of extracurricular activities, so it seems likely to me that they might have qualified for admission on their own credentials. I got into two more prestigious schools than the one I ended up attending -- certainly not on the same level as Harvard or Princeton -- but I seriously don't think being part of the Scholars Program helped in either of those admissions decisions. One school offered almost no financial aid (it was not, however, one of the Woodlands' cooperating schools, or whatever their terminology was); the other gave me a wonderful package of loans, the sum of which boggled my mind. I think one year of loans was almost as much as my dad's salary. I couldn't fathom going that much in debt for anything, nor could my parents, who paid cash for their major purchases and believed debt was a very bad thing -- "if you don't have the money for it, then you don't need it."

And you know what? I didn't need it. I got through college -- a quite costly one, in fact -- just fine, without money from my parents and without someone at Woodlands lobbying on my behalf. As tuition went up, I added more jobs. I worked catering, pouring coffee and serving chicken cordon bleu to the wealthy donors at college functions. I had a work study job. I mowed yards and worked as a temporary secretary during the summers. I applied for more and more little scholarships. Miraculously, I patched them all together, along with my earnings, and got through without borrowing a dime.

In response to Taylor-Ide's statement about "hillbilly kids" not getting a "diddle," O'Brien writes (p. 276): "With very rare exceptions, West Virginia's top students, like straight-A kids anywhere, come from professional families. Many of them are the children of doctors, lawyers, teachers, college professors, successful businessmen, and and other professionals." Mmmmmmmm, I don't know. I suppose that's true, but if you take the group of kids I was at the Scholars Academy with, it wasn't QUITE the case. There were several who seemed to me to be from wealthy homes. Keep in mind that at that time I thought children of schoolteachers were wealthy. But I would say at least half of us didn't fall into that category, depending, of course, on how far you stretch that "other professionals" category. Granted, I agree with O'Brien's general point. We all would have gone to college anyway, with or without Woodlands, because we had excelled in school and had exhibited an interest in continuing our education.

More on this book later. It’s available online from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and from the WV bookseller Trans Allegheny Books located in Parkersburg.

A little preview of the WCHS graduation
Metronews has a little story and some audio from the WCHS principal about tonight's graduation, which, of course, includes Brandi Lynch. A whopping huge class of seniors this year -- 86! I think we had only 77 in our graduating class, but my hillbilly memory is getting kind of bad.

All you ever wanted to know about the addition
This article in today's Herald-Dispatch has by far the most info about the addition being built onto the Lynch home, as well as other improvements that have been made to the property.

On rescuing Private Lynch and forgetting Rachel Corrie
James, our southern hemisphere correspondent (the Falkland Islands), submits this commentary from the Guardian for our perusal. Here are a couple of highlights to whet your appetite: When the Pentagon announced Lynch's successful rescue, she became a hero... Her rescue, we were told, was a testament to a core American value: as West Virginia senator Jay Rockefeller said to the Senate: "We take care of our people." Do they? Corrie's death, which made the papers for two days and then virtually disappeared, has met with almost total official silence, despite the fact that eyewitnesses claim it was a deliberate act.

By the way, the country of the Falkland Islands has a total population of less than 3,000. And while we're bracing ourselves for the heat and humidity of summer, James is preparing for the cold, dark South Atlantic winter.

AOL Poll
Chris from SC emailed me about a poll AOL had on its site, from a link off the main sign in page. As you can see, there are a wide variety of fair and balanced responses to choose from:

Poll Title: "Was Lynch Rescue Rigged"
options:
Do you think the rescue of Jessica Lynch was hyped to boost support for the war?
--Yes, it was a Hollywood-style stunt
--No, the Pentagon just got some facts wrong
--We may never know
--No opinion

In case you're interested, at the time Chris checked the poll, here were the results:
42% No, the Pentagon just got some facts wrong 37,949
29% Yes, it was a Hollywood-style stunt 26,534
23% We may never know 21,302
6% No opinion 5,403
Total votes: 91,188

In other WV news
A Putnam County woman is getting those "God calls" as a result of Jim Carrey's new "Bruce Almighty" movie. Her phone number is the 304 area code version of the number mentioned in the movie, and, as an added bonus, her last name means "God" in German. Here's what amazes the hell out of me: there are actually people, and apparently a lot of them, who rush home and call the numbers used in movies. As Ms. Gott says, “I’ve learned that there are a lot of stupid people in the world. Who would think they’re going to get God by calling a 776 number?” Especially with the local area code -- I mean, wouldn't God have his own area code??

Emailgate
If you're looking for the Wise/Mascie-Frye e-mails, here's where to go on the Daily Mail site. Or just go to the main Daily Mail Web site and simply click on the "Read Wise's Email" icon (good grief!). BTW, my European wine expert says Rioja is a Spanish red wine that's "quite good" and has a "fruity" flavor.

You know, I have to admit, after reading more of the e-mails than I really should have, I found myself liking both of them, at least a little bit. If I were inclined to "hang out" with people (and I'm not), they sound like the type of people I might "hang" with. The governor sounded so, well, normal. How can you not like a guy that jokes about deer season being a religious holiday in WV? Or declares trying to find a parking spot at Target between Thanksgiving & Christmas is somehow more daunting than the state's budget crisis? "I will face deep budget shortages, but I turn into a cowardly puddle at the thought of braving the Target parking lot at Christmas," he wrote. The guy had some good lines -- you've got to admit it.

I found myself surprised, somewhat, that both seemed to be genuinely concerned about the state. I suppose I've become cynical about politicians and just assume they're in it for whatever thrill there is in the state police security detail, giving boring speeches to throngs of bored people, having one's personal life scrutinized by the public and media, etc. So, in a way, I guess my opinion of him has, well, gotten better??? Good grief -- that's so wrong. I mean, he was cheating on his wife, and she was cheating on her husband -- and somehow I've identified with these people? Hmmmmm, maybe this was a publicity stunt. Maybe it never really happened. Maybe it was just a way to get the governor's witty banter printed in the Daily Mail. Yeah, that's it! Maybe those doctors at the Nasiriyah hospital can shed some light on this matter. Those guys seem to know everything.

Mailbag
Pentagon Rejects Media Claim Lynch Rescue Was Hyped
Chris from SC sends a link to this story posted on YahooNews.

"Pentagon spokesman Marine Lt. Col. Dave Lapan said it was "ludicrous and insulting" for the BBC to suggest the rescue was staged and hyped up."

Washington Post: On Not Admitting Our Mistakes
Chris of DE (a former resident of WV) sends a link to this very interesting article by Mr. Cohen in the Washington Post.

"The original story about Lynch was played on the front page. Later, when it turned out that some of the gripping details in the story were questionable, the 'corrections' -- although they were never labeled that -- were played inside the paper. ....Whatever the case, The Post seemed unable to simply say so. In no news story -- and certainly not on the front page -- did it say that the initial account might have been wrong.

That's the way it is with corrections, and the bigger the story, the worse, perhaps, the ramifications. It happens to some extent in smaller local newspapers, too. For example, one case I can think of in WV -- and I'm going by memory, so I'm going to speak very vaguely -- a young 20-something-aged person died at home and it was immediately presumed by those "experts" commenting on the case that s/he might have overdosed or something might have been slipped into his/her drink the night before while "partying." That story ran for a couple of days, along with the predictable accompanying "how to prevent these senseless drug deaths" articles. Then days -- no, probably weeks later, the real cause of death was announced after the autopsy. The real cause had nothing to do with drugs, nothing to do with partying (in fact, I believe it was also learned that there was no heavy partying the night before) -- it was a purely "natural" cause. Did that make the front page? Probably not. Does anyone remember the real cause of death? Probably not the general public. A friend of mine pointed it out to me and that, in fact, is the only reason I remember it.

Metronews: 600 artists submit WV quarter designs

"...now that they have the drawings the hard part begins. They'll scan every entry into a computer program. Then the judges -- high school students from all across the state will vote on the top 50. Then the judges will meet with members of the Governor's office and the US Mint to talk about what can and can't be engraved on the back of coin."

Hillbilly Hiatus
I'll be taking an extended vacation from cyberspace from now through Memorial Day. May you have a lovely weekend.

Another Lynch-related story
Tuscon Citizen: Piestewa family to meet with President Bush, might visit Pfc. Lynch

Maybe she was at a big shopping mall in Nasiriyah the whole time
It seems the Charleston Gazette has taken as fact the aforelinked (scroll down to May 20) report by the BBC and Scheer's article yesterday regurgitating the facts of that piece. I'm still not convinced, especially after hearing Col. David Hunt on The O'Reilly Factor last night. He said he had numerous reliable sources who confirmed the Pentagon's version of events.

Sorry I'm late. I've been at the Big East Conference Going-Out-of-Business sale. Nah, actually I've been mowing my still-soggy lawn.

Some of today's Lynch-lines

President Bush is going to Rally for America, sort of
Huntington Herald-Dispatch: Bush records video for Rally
The rally, by the way, is Saturday, May 24. On your way there, you can stop off at the Vandalia gathering on the State Capitol grounds.

Meanwhile the BBC & the Pentagon are now exchange verbal fire:
BBC: US rejects BBC Lynch report
"Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said any claims that the facts of Private Lynch's rescue were misrepresented by the US military were 'void of all facts and absolutely ridiculous.'"

CNN: BBC correspondent defends Lynch documentary

WorldnetDaily.com: Secrets galore
"...as I write this, tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars are being spent on covering up what happened to Jessica Lynch and her mates during and after their unit was ambushed and they were captured." This article is written by Col. David Hackworth, who once tried to explain the difference between Shia and Sunni Muslims by equating them to the "Hatfields and McCoys." I swear. I heard it (on FoxNews or MSNBC - can't remember which) and nearly blogged about it at the time.

AlterNet.org: Saving Private Lynch: Take 2
"...the sad case of Lynch's exploitation at the hands of military spinners illustrates that the truth once again was a casualty of war."

The Washington Times: Iraqi lawyer who helped rescue POW writing about experience
Mohammed Odeh Al Rehaief's book, tentatively titled "Rescue in Nasiriya," is expected to be published in October by HarperCollins. "He has one heck of a story to tell," said one U.S. military official familiar with his stay in Kuwait. "I can't wait for the book. There's a lot more to the story than what's being reported."
I bet there is no Mohammed. In fact, I'm starting to think there was no war at all. And this place called Iraq was just a mirage in the desert.

Coming next week: Saddam Hussein never existed
So, by now I guess you've all heard that the Jessica Lynch rescue was all staged. Chris in SC, who gets up really, really early, e-mailed me to say that MSNBC ran a piece this morning about Jessica Lynch's rescue. He said the segment was basically a re-telling of the aforelinked article "The Truth About Jessica." Here and here are other versions of it. Chris writes," I'm gonna hafta believe our govenment on this one... is our government all about always lying to the public? Is everything all a Roswell UFO coverup?" IF it were a hoax, and I really cannot believe that it is, the government has done a damn thorough job of getting many, many people to play along.

A sigh of relief from the Capitol
I was saddened to read Sunday that Charleston Gazette statehouse reporter Fanny Seiler has retired after 32 years of making WV politicians squirm. Even though I usually didn't know the individuals mentioned in her columns, I eagerly awaited the juicy morsels she dished out. I hope she at least will write an occasional column so we won't have to go cold turkey.

Private Mistakes, Public Mess
I like Dan Radmacher's column in today's Charleston Gazette, especially these lines:

Frankly, I think that anyone who tries to get away with an affair in small-town Charleston isn’t thinking straight. But for someone in as public a position as Wise to even think he could get away with it is completely irrational.

That's what I'd been thinking these last couple of days. Everyone knows everyone's business in West Virginia, even in the megalopolis of Charleston, so who in his right mind tries to pull off an affair while he's governor?

Randomness
This has nothing to do with West Virginia, but I immensely enjoyed this column by UPI reporter-at-large John Bloom about the NY Times/Jayson Blair fiasco.

Blog
Bah! I have no idea what's going on with my template. I'm keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that it's a Blogger thing.

Report from our Big Apple correspondent
The Brooklyn Hillbilly phoned in a lengthy report from NYC, where he continues to adapt to urban life. He's found a quality bluegrass band comprised of native Brooklyners, and, using his hillbilly charm, he managed to finagle a complimentary CD from them.

Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Hillbilly, a hard-core Democrat, is deeply disturbed by the news of Wise's affair. You see, he's pissed off that an attractive, educated young woman would hook up with the gov. "My point is," he said, "she's way out of his league - or should be - even with the governor thing. I mean, I voted for the man, but he is a bit 'weasel faced' and married. So, I wanna know what this means. Does political power and some intellectuality reel in the women OR is the WV man situation just so bleak that the risk of big homewrecker/ho publicity is worth having a semi-reliable date?"

I said it most definitely was his clogging abilities. You know what they say about men who clog.

The Guardian: The truth about Jessica
If you're looking for your daily fix, here ya go.

Don't drink & row: Those gosh-darn hillbilly teens, part 3 (not a permalink)
AP: "Four members of the Parkersburg South High School crew team have been disciplined for drinking alcohol at a meet in Tennessee."

If the Parkersburg South team needs some extra rowers, maybe those four kids who rafted to class at Wyoming East High School a couple of weeks ago (using cookie sheets as paddles) are available to compete.

You say fiddling, I say diddling
Hoppy Kercheval's daily commentary on Metronews.com includes the following line: "West Virginians might excuse 'unfaithfulness,' but they won't like the fiddling on company time while Rome is burning." Hoppy, Hoppy, Hoppy, it's diddling while Rome burns -- diddling! Still, it's nice to see I'm thinking along the same lines as Hoppy. Well, sort of.

'Steam engine in britches' indeed
MWAHAHAHA! Jane has e-mailed me this description of the Governor, taken from this website:

The level of activity in Governor's Wise's first weeks in office was no shock to those who have followed his political career. West Virginia's senior statesman, Senator Robert C. Byrd, describes Wise as "a steam engine in britches."

Unfortunately, I don't have the nerve to post the animated gif of the Governor that Jane also sent to me.

More on Jayson Blair and his fabricated coverage of the Lynch story
Scroll down to the blockquote, which is an e-mail from a USA Today reporter who covered the Lynch story. The USA Today reporter points out some other false things reported in Blair's articles. This Washington Post story has some more on Blair and his creative reporting.

Predictable analysis from the Brooklyn Hillbilly
Due to real estate woes, the Brooklyn Hillbilly has been uncharacteristically quiet of late, but the recent scandal in WV politics brought him out of his funk long enough to dash off the following e-mail to me:

"The gov's ho is hot!"

BTW, if you're looking for a slumlord's dream prime piece of real estate in Wood County, send me an e-mail and I'll get you in touch with the Brooklyn Hillbilly.

Hillbilly Lit
In further attempts to royally piss off people (I'm being facetious), I've decided to turn my attention to a controversial issue: hillbilly literature. A tip from Edward led me to check out the books of poetry "Hillbilly Ballads" and "Unto The Hills," both by Roy Lee Harmon. Harmon was one of West Virginia's past poet laureates.

Yes, that's right, West Virginia has a poet laureate. Not all states do -- such as Ohio (I'm sure Rich from Ohio will be crestfallen ;). This website has an interesting chart that lists poet laureates, as well as an explanation of the term poet laureate. As an aside, I had the extreme honor of taking a class from the current WV poet laureate. If only I were half as cool and stylish as the poet laureate, then I would be set.

According to this website, Harmon was the state's poet laureate for a total of 38 years, served in the House of Delegates, wrote six books and founded the WV Poetry Society.

So, I opened "Hillbilly Ballads" (Beckley, W.Va.: Beckley Newspapers Corp. 1938) and look what I found. I'm guessing this book, published in 1938, is not readily available in libraries, so I'm going to quote extensively. I hope the heirs of Mr. Harmon will forgive me. Here's what Harmon says about the term hillbilly in the foreword his first book -- remember, he's writing in 1938:

"On many occasions I have seen West Virginians take offense at the mere mention of the word 'Hillbilly.'
Frankly, I can't understand why.
To me that word bears no stigma.
Instead it is something I am happy to wear as a badge of honor.
After all, what is a Hillbilly?
He is a person born and reared among our beloved mountains, where God has spilled nature's beauties in a glorifying heap, where there is natural wealth that cannot be computed with mere figures and where hardy Anglo-Saxons have built a modern and important commonwealth in what was once a wilderness. Yes, folks, a Hillbilly is entitled to be proud of his heritage...."

The excerpt Edward e-mailed me appears in Harmon's book "Unto the hills" (pub. 1957, Poetry Press, Beckley, W.Va.):

West Virginia
"This was no land for lily-fingered men
Who bowed and scraped and danced a neat quadrille,
In towns and cities far beyond the ken
Of mountaineers -- who loved each rock and rill.

It was a place for lean, tall men with love
For freedom flowing strongly in their veins,
For those attuned to vagrant stars above,
To rugged peaks, deep snows and June-time rains.

And so our State was whelped in time of strife
And cut its teeth upon a cannon ball;
Its heritage was cleaner, better life,
Within the richest storehouse of them all.

With timber, oil and gas and salt and coal,
It bargained in the world's huge marketplace.
The mountain empire reached a mighty goal;
It never ran a pauper's sordid race.

And best of all, it sired a hardy flock
Whose fame will grow with centuries to be,
Tough as a white-oak stump or limestone rock,
The mountaineers--who always shall be free."

Diddling while Rome burns?
I think I've found a new category to add right beside my "Fiddling while Rome burns" file. The Braxtonian has a good (and humorous) commentary on the Wise scandal, as well as wonderful graphics.
Permalink to the Braxtonian story

Want more? Go here (Charleston), here (Huntington), here (Parkersburg), here (Hoppy's commentary), here (Wheeling),here (Beckley), and here (Hagerstown, Md.). And then there are these three Charleston Daily Mail stories: I, II & III.

Complete randomness
* In her column in today's Charleston Gazette, WV author Denise Giardina says Pres. Bush should be impeached and tried for war crimes.

* I am almost seriously considering graveling my entire yard.

* According to a letter to the editor printed in the Saturday, May 10, Dominion Post, SARS is a sign from God. (3rd letter)

* Here's the official page about the WV quarter design contest.

* Apparently, someone other than the Governor's wife has been sleeping with the Governor.

Tobacco fields and cattle pastures
Carolina pointed out that one of the many stories falsified by former NY Times writer Jayson Blair was one about Jessica Lynch on March 27. This article tells a little about it (scroll down to 9th paragraph): "Mr. Blair wrote that her father choked up as he stood on his porch 'overlooking the tobacco fields and cattle pastures.' The porch overlooks no such thing, the Times noted yesterday." It's funny because I remember reading this and thinking it was odd that there would be tobacco growing at that time of year, but then I decided that I didn't know much about tobacco and perhaps it was true. And I've never been to the Lynch home, so what do I know. There are places not too far from Palestine where tobacco is grown, so it didn't seem out of the realm of possibility.

Martha sends the following --- another big thank-you to Martha:
New York Times (May 9 - op ed): Tall Tales of Appalachia (Note: Registration may be required to get to the NYT site.)
WV author John O'Brien writes about the proposed reality series "The Real Beverly Hillbillies." This reminds me that I need to read O'Brien's book At Home in the Heart of Appalachia.

Cat-blogging
Spooky & Lucille have helpfully nipped off the tops of my dill seedlings.

TO THE PERSON WHO SENT SNAIL MAIL TO MY RESIDENCE
I have deleted the post you referenced. It seems I misidentified the person referred to in my insurance story. I am very, very sorry -- but, to be honest, I didn't think I was saying anything derogatory about anyone other than myself. Please accept my apology.

I don't suppose this surprises anyone
AP: Iraqi who helped rescue Lynch to write book
"An Iraqi lawyer who helped US Marines rescue Jessica Lynch is writing a book. Mohammed Odeh al-Rehaief's "Rescue in Nasiriya" will be published by HarperCollins in October."

36 hours in Morgantown
NY Times travel writer Susan Brenna spent 36 hours in Morgantown, WV, and has this to say about the area's attractions:
...the real appeal may be the lively and walkable downtown, gone neither to seed nor to preciousness. The lack of urban attitude takes some adjustment. When a store owner offers to lend you a vintage book overnight, or bikers slam on their brakes to let you cross, just smile and nod. You could get used to this.
For the record, the word hillbilly does appear in the article, but not in the context you're thinking. A delightfully positive review (perhaps a little too positive, but I'm certainly not complaining).

A big ol' hillbilly storm
Thank God for downpours. I can finally see out of my windows at work (no money for cleaning the things, you know).

And some morning Lynch headlines
Both of these are from the Huntington Herald-Dispatch:
Doctor: Lynch's memory loss not amnesia
"'I don't want people to think I can’t remember things,' the 20-year-old Palestine, W.Va., native said in a prepared statement from the hospital....When not in therapy, Lynch has been reading and writing e-mail, enjoying letters and cards from supporters, listening to music and watching television."

Lynch's sister to represent ex-POW at Rally for America NOTE: A new version of this story is now on the AP wire. It seems sister Brandi has decided not to attend. "At least two cousins" will be appearing instead.

Byrd-watching
Martha sends the following from the Wall Street Journal's Opinion Journal, but Martha's description of RCB is just about as good as the actual article. She writes: "...the description of our illustrious senator...the only wv politician who has managed to stay out of jail and accumulate enough seniority to do the state some good...truly seemed apt in this case."
Here's (2nd article, 2nd paragraph) what the WSJ Opinion Journal article says:

Robert Byrd, the Senate's crazy old aunt in the attic, began this attack, which doesn't seem to be going over well even in his home state of West Virginia, a heavily Democratic state that Bush nonetheless carried in 2000. The Bluefield Daily Telegraph interviews locals in Four Seasons County, just north of the Virginia border, and finds not a word of praise for the senator. "He's been like that ever since he's been in Congress," says Roger Coulter of Glenwood. "Byrd doesn't need to be [in Congress] now. He's getting too old." Byrd is the oldest member of the Senate (85), the longest-serving (45 years) and--his greatest distinction--the most pompous.

*UPDATE
Don Surber has an article in the Daily Mail today that blends both Byrd-watching and Lynch-watching, sort of. Let us honor Mohammed Odeh al-Rehaief: Byrd should lead charge to honor this decent man
Here are the first two paragraphs: "I am not writing from my cubicle. It is now the Mohammed Odeh al-Rehaief Cubicle. Something in West Virginia should be named for the man who saved Pfc. Jessica Lynch. Unfortunately, all the good stuff is already named for a guy who spent World War II as a welder and a member of the Ku Klux Klan."

As exciting as watching a bridge fall
Speaking of dull, there's a great deal of interest locally in the demolition of a bridge here in town tomorrow morning. I started making fun of the local radio station when they announced they would carry the demolition live. Hmmm, what kind of stimulating audio will be created by a bridge falling into the river? And then one of the TV stations began advertising that they'd carry the demolition live. Last night they added that they'd have their news helicopter there for aerial coverage (they claim to have the only full-time news chopper in the state). Oh, did I mention the demolition is between 5 and 6 AM??? It's a frigging bridge that has been a thorn in the side of many a motorist. I'm glad to see the thing go, but good Lord, I'm not getting up at 5 a.m. for the "excitement."

The Seinfeld of the Blogosphere - a blog about nothing
This, claiming to be the dullest blog in the world, is funny as hell. Be sure to read the comments. Got the link from Balloon-Juice, a fellow WV blogger.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most flamboyant showman of them all?
In Hoppy Kercheval's daily commentary today he says exactly what I'd been thinking. Well, my thoughts weren't nearly as in-depth and well-informed, but it did strike me as a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black (Hoppy uses this exact phrase, too, at the end of his article).

NBC's morning LynchFest
The doctor who's the head of Jessica Lynch's medical team at Walter Reed Hospital was on the Today Show this morning. What I found most interesting about his comments was he said she had no memory from the time the convoy was ambushed to the time she woke up in the Iraqi hospital. So...that means she does remember her captivity? Also, he said Jessica had been able to take several steps using a walker.

After the interview with the dr., NBC went live to Greg Jr., who's back on duty at Fort Bragg. He said, among other things, that Jessi is doing well and acting "very sassy."

Reinforcing my dad's theory that deer are inherently evil
They eat your garden plants down to tiny nubs. They total your cars. And now they'll try to steal your motorcycles. There's no end to the audacity of the WV white tail deer.

AP: Couple hurt when deer jumps on motorcycle
A leaping deer turned a leisurely afternoon motorcycle drive into a serious accident for a Preston County couple.

Dale and Helen Benson of Bruceton Mills were on a motorcycle traveling to Addison, Pennsylvania, behind their son, Mike Benson, over the weekend when they slowed to about 35 miles per hour to watch a herd of deer.

They thought all had crossed the road. But one deer apparently turned and leaped off a nearly vertical 12-foot bank, landing between Dale and Helen on their bike. Both were thrown off.

Dale Benson suffered a cut above his eye that required 27 stitches to close. His arm was also injured by the impact.

Helen Benson broke her jaw and other facial bones, sliced her tongue and broke her wrist.

Bye Bye, Greg
Greg Lynch Jr. has left the state, boys and girls. He's back to active duty in Ft. Bragg, NC, much to the delight of the North Carolina media, I'm sure. Here's one AP story that has some new quotes from Greg Jr.

How do I sign up for this gig?
Charleston Gazette: Pay system being abused, delegate says - Schools officials charging state for speaking and media interviews
State law allows school board members to claim $100 for each day or "any part thereof spent in the performance of their duties"....State board members, who are appointed by the governor, don't receive a salary, but make a minimum of $2,400 a year in per-diem payments for attending 24 board meetings. And some have been interpreting "any part thereof spent in the performance of their duties" as reading e-mails and speaking at high school graduations. I say these positions should be put out for bid. The Hillbilly Sophisticate will gladly read e-mails for, oh, $75 a day? OK, OK, maybe $60.

Statues by Committee
In light of the ludicrous controversy surrounding the statue honoring female veterans, the Division of Culture & History is forming a committee to oversee changes or additions to the Veterans Memorial at the Capitol. In case you missed the previous controversy, here's a synopsis: Recent controversy has focused on Mullins' statue meant to honor women veterans. The statue isn't finished, but some veterans believe she doesn't look feminine enough. They want her to wear a skirt instead of the fatigues she's currently wearing.

The Brooklyn Hillbilly, on the other hand, wants the statue to be an apron-clad woman bending over a stove.

The Weekend in Lynch News
By now you've all heard that Jessica doesn't remember anything about her captivity. I imagine NBC will graciously step forward and offer to make up the details for her, packaging it in a nice, tidy 3-hour movie.

Chris from SC says he heard on Sportscenter that NASCAR driver Jerry Nadeau visited wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital (no mention of JL in the article, just on Sportscenter). Nadeau reportedly said Lynch was "a true inspiration." Hmmmm, maybe that's an idea -- get a NASCAR driver or three to come to the Heck of a Big Shindig^TM.

New Hillbillymobile
A house and a car all in one year. I'm really stupid, especially considering my employer is cutting 20-some million out of the budget this year, and who knows if my paltry salary will be part of that.

I went to the Honda dealership to buy the following:
A bottom-of-the-line Civic DX with added CD player & AC, like the one I'm driving now.

Here's what I ended up getting:
A top-of-the line Civic EX, complete with "moonroof" (which I've NEVER even wanted), cruise, power everything, etc.

Sigh.

I pick it up tomorrow night.

News 14 Carolina: Thousands gear up for Artsplosure
Good Lord, now she's a sunflower. Partygoers got to see this year's Artsplosure poster. It features a sunflower bearing the likeness of rescued P.O.W. Jessica Lynch.
My untrained eyes think it looks like a sunflower with a human, feminine face. I'm not sure what, exactly, makes it Jessica Lynch. Has she ever been wearing bright red lipstick in any of her photos? Here's a link to the Artsplosure site so you can take a look for yourself.

Some headlines
Huntington Herald-Dispatch: More details about the Rally for America Memorial Day Weekend in Huntington

Huntington Herald-Dispatch: Lynch family wants to meet Iraqi who saved Jessica
There are some interesting details in this, such as the fact that no one other than the immediate family has been allowed to visit her -- including her grandparents. A family spokesperson said Lynch was "excited" because she "got to stand on her feet for five minutes." Also, Mohammed Al-Rehaief and family have been in the Washington area since April 10.

News 14 Carolina: Jessica Lynch a 'gem' to local man
A Salisbury, N.C., man has engraved an eagle an amethyst for Jessica Lynch. "He said he will drive to Palestine, W.Va., if that is what it takes to deliver the necklace."

Tucson Citizen: Piestewa reportedly fought ‘tooth and nail' to let others escape ambush

Washington Dispatch: A Reward or a Matter of Law
What has gone unsaid in all the media accounts is important information about a piece of legislation titled “The Persian Gulf POW/MIA War Accountability Act of 2001.

Human flesh, the hillbilly white meat
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time this has happened to me. I'm out driving around one glorious sunny day, accidentally take a wrong turn, and suddenly "cannibalistic mountain men grossly disfigured through generations of inbreeding" leap out of the multiflora rose bushes and start chasing the car. It's simply horrifying, I tell you. And now, thank goodness, 20th Century Fox has produced what must be a documentary on this "backwoods" phenomenon. I'm afraid we'll have to wait till May 30 for the film -- Wrong Turn -- to open nationwide, but in the meantime, Jane has sent this description for us to contemplate: (I think this is from an AP article.)

"The R-rated slasher film (Wrong Turn) involves six young people left stranded on a backwoods West Virginia highway following an accident. There, they are hunted down by a trio of 'cannibalistic mountain men grossly disfigured through generations of inbreeding,' according to a plot outline for the movie.

"'Wrong Turn' features special effects makeup by Stan Winston of 'Edward Scissorhands' fame, and stars Eliza Dushku, who portrays Faith in the 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' television series, and Jeremy Sisto, who appeared in last year’s 'Angel Eyes' with Jennifer Lopez.

"While the 'Wrong Turn' story line is not likely to win hearts at the state Division of Tourism, it will probably get a thumbs-down rating from the West Virginia Development Office as well.

"It was filmed near Toronto."

*Update*
I've just received spam from 20th Century Fox. Coincidence? I think not.