I bet this hasn't happened to Emeril
Jerry sends this link to a story appearing in the Las Vegas newspaper about a West Virginia family who got into a gunfight over the proper method to prepare skinless chicken. I'm still in shock that someone in West Virginia is eating skinless chicken. I'm also disappointed that the story did not give more details about the methods being debated. But anyway - bottom line is we're getting some more great national press.

Just in time to enjoy the fall foliage
Well, well, well - it's been an exciting week for Alderson. First the town floods (according to TV reports I saw last night, the river was supposed to crest 4 feet above flood stage in Alderson), and now they will need to prepare for a "flood" of another kind - media, media and more media. Just guessing. According to media reports, Martha Stewart will be begin serving her prison time in Alderson Oct. 8.

"Appalachian origin"
If you think you're constantly discriminated against because of your Appalachian origin, perhaps Cincinnati is the place for you to go. The Brooklyn Hillbilly sent me this link to a Snopes.com item. Scroll down to "Origins" in green text and read what the Cincinnati City Council's human rights ordinance says. According to Snopes.com, the ordinance makes it "illegal to discriminate on the basis of characteristics such as race, gender, age, religion, disability, Appalachian origin, or sexual orientation." (emphasis added)

I'm still trying to decide whether I'm offended or amused. I suppose West Virginia cities should add "non-Appalachian origin" or "fern-ness" (foreignness) to their civil rights language.

Messatesta update*
Die-hard fans of WV politics will want to read the full report on the Mezzatesta forged letter. See also related Gazette and Daily Mail stories.

Note the Godfather-like comment to the employee who was ordered to "re-create" the document - "Now, you are part of my family" - at bottom of page 1 of the Gazette article. I had to chuckle at the employee's reaction: she became "physically ill."

I enjoy reading this type of government report because the prose always amuses me. I used to read the online versions of the state grievance board decisions just for kicks. Yeah, I'm weird, but the understatement in these things is just delicious. Like when a report says something like: "Grievant's supervisor stated that grievant's work attendance was irregular." You know what was probably said was something along the lines of, "That SOB never showed up and didn't bother calling off."



*No, I didn't think up that one, but I can't recall where I first saw it.

No one loves me any more
(i.e. no one wants my vote)
Oh, how I miss the old days of the primary...when I came home each night to a mailbox full of brochures, letters, and postcards, mostly from Monty. He wrote to tell me about his family - alllllllll his extended family - and his days in the military. Did you realize he was a military man? Oh yes, he was. Little known fact.

And then when I got lonely in the evenings, I'd just turn on my TV and there would be a peppy commercial by Joe, telling me all about his childhood in northcentral West Virginia, his wife, and his family. Did you know his grandfather had a grocery store? And Joe played football? Yes indeed, I got to know him well during the primary.

Now all I have is the occasional Ken for Secretary of State commercial, which appears to my untrained eye to have been shot in someone's basement or garage.

Nary a word from my old buddies Monty and Joe. I'm so lonely.

Seriously, is there a campaign going on somewhere else and I'm just missing it? Are they focusing efforts in southern WV? I realize there are lots of vote$ in Logan County, but come on. I can't figure this out.

So, to cheer myself up I shall just go listen to some wisdom from State Supreme Court Justice Warren McGraw, courtesy of Jerry.

The Powerball curse continues
This has been in the news a while here in WV, but I'm embarrassingly late in mentioning it. Mr. Powerball is in the news again. Or, rather, his house is in the news because it just so happens a dead man was found there. And it just so happens that (allegedly) burglars broke into the house while the man was lying there dead. And...did I mention one of the burglars was a man wearing a dress (with black shoes, I hope, as it is after Labor Day)? The part about the dress doesn't seem to be online, from the Friday Gazette, but I trust Jerry on this one. Luckily, as Jerry said, the part about the dress was not picked up by the national media. No need to add cross-dressing to our hillbilly stereotype.

Now, obviously this Powerball thing is a troublesome curse for a man to endure. So, just because I'm a kind-hearted soul, I'm going to offer to take custody of his millions if he wants to "get shed" of them.

Ivan v. WV, continued
If flooding and destruction is your thing, here's a photo gallery by the Parkersburg News & Sentinel of the flooding in Marietta, Belpre and Parkersburg.

Randomness
(more on cough syrup) When I went to pick up my second round of antibiotics last night, I noticed that I'd overlooked the sugar-free cough syrup. I can't begin to imagine how foul sugar-free cough syrup tastes.

Excuses, Excuses
Blogging has been light, at best, because, well, because, I suppose, I'm lazy. Plus, I'm taking a graduate class for sport this semester, and it turns out it's a rather time-consuming sport. My first paper is due this week, and I'm stressing out over it, even though I don't need this class for anything, nor is it very likely that anyone will ever even notice it on my transcript. Nevertheless, I consumed with worry over this paper.

Meanwhile, I have the cough that's been going around. I took cough syrup for the first time since I was a child and had someone forcing me to do it. But only once. Then the antibiotics kicked in and I was no longer desperate enough to guzzle Robitussin. Blech. Oh the nightmares I remember from childhood -- waking up in the middle of the night, my eyes struggling to adjust to the light, and when they did, they focused on the tiny plastic cup of dreadful red liquid looming over my head. That was usually enough to make me wail -- just the sight of the stuff.

"DRINK THIS - YOU'VE BEEN COUGHING," my mother insisted.

There was no convincing her that I had not been coughing (because I had been, I'm sure), and I ultimately had to drink the syrup. But when I got big enough to fight back, well, that was the end of cough syrup for me.

And you know, it's not like broccoli. It's not one of those things you learn to like and appreciate. It doesn't taste better as you get older. That Robitussin was just as foul now, at age 31, as it was for me back then. BLECH.

Ivan v. WV
Marietta, Williamstown, and Vienna were hit hard by Ohio River flooding as a result of rainfall produced by Ivan. Wheeling and the northern Ohio River valley were also hit very, very hard. The Little Kanawha River was also backed up and flooding houses along its banks in Wood County. As I was driving on I-77, I saw numerous houses underwater just to the east of where I-77 crosses the Little Kanawha.

You've got (exploding) mail
Naturally, among the few people who realize WV is a state is someone who's been sending exploding letters to U.S. governors. This is one instance when it would be nice to fly under the radar and pretend to be a suburb of Richmond.

This is MY shopping cart, that is YOUR shopping cart
As you know, every time I go to the pharmacy in one of the local grocery stores (or just about any pharmacy, for that matter), something infuriating or at least bizarre happens.

Tonight it was the former. In my cart I had one 12-pack box of Diet Coke cans, and four 6-packs of .5 liter Diet Coke bottles. There was a sale. Why the heck shouldn't I stock up so I don't have to go get Diet Coke every week?!

So, I'm sitting there waiting, because in accordance with Murphy's Law, EVERY local senior citizen is getting his/her prescriptions refilled at the same time I am. One of these ladies feels the need to look at my collection of Diet Coke and announce, "Oh my God." Really, now, should you be taking the Lord's name in vain at your age? I seethe, thinking up all of the really good comebacks I should have blurted out. Then the lady FINALLY finishes her transaction, which of course involves the ever-so-slow writing of a check for more than the purchase price (and fumbling in the purse for ID, in order to get back change), and she returns to her cart and I see that she has four 12-packs of Coke products!

Huh? How is my stuff any worse than yours? Because the bottles aren't in a box they somehow count as more? Who knows.

Unless I'm pushing around a headless body, it's really none of your darn business what I have in my shopping cart, so butt out and keep your comments to yourself.

Floor Sanding for Dummies
I'm sorry to report that I cannot recommend floor sanding as a recreational activity. In fact, the enormous blisters on my hands make it nearly impossible to type this piddly blog entry. Yes, I did wear gloves, but they were of the gardening variety and perhaps they weren't the best choice for the job. My dad looked at my hands and declared that he did not remember the floor sander he once used "jerking around" that much. I assured him this one did.

It was also a beast of a machine - 130 pounds is what it said on the label. I started to get concerned when a gang of three men came out to load the machine into the trunk of my car. The person preparing the rental papers had advised me how "you guys" should use the machine and the sandpaper, etc. Clearly, he thought I had some burly man waiting for me to bring home the floor sander. "Mmmmmm, WOMAN, GO GET ME THAT FLOOR SANDER!" I was too stubborn to say anything, not even when I realized how heavy the thing was. I'd already concluded that if I couldn't get the thing out of the car, I would return it the next day at the agreed-upon time and let them unload it, saying nothing about it. Yeah, I'm that stubborn.

Well, I did manage to get the machine out of the trunk, but I had serious concerns about how I was ever to get it back in. I feared I would have to craft a ramp and chain the cats to it, yelling "GIDDY UP, KITTIES!" Luckily, that was not necessary. A man across the street came out of his house right when I was struggling to roll the thing back down my front steps, and he offered to help. He didn't realize, however, just how heavy it was until we were mid-lift and he announced, "Boy, that is a heavy thing."

Indeed.

That's to say nothing of the actual operation of the floor sander, which was slow, very slow, perhaps because I had to remove several layers of paint. I must admit it was I who painted the floor. After seeing one too many episodes of Trading Spaces, I decided it might be an economical solution for my ugly floors. It might have worked had I not chosen white as the color and then put a topcoat on it that yellowed. The result was a pissed-upon look that I found unattractive. Because the paint removal went so poorly, I may end up re-painting the floor tan, or perhaps just throwing in the towel and having someone install carpet. With the expensive floor sander rental, several coats of expensive paint, and ointment for blisters the size of Texas, I probably would have SAVED money had I just gone with carpet the first time around.

Oh, the joys of home ownership.