Apologies...
I'm having some eye issues and have been severely limiting my off-hours computer use (this also gives me more time to obsess over my yard). I hope all of you have a happy fourth, and please, for goodness sake, remember that hillbillies and do-it-yourself fireworks don't mix -- you know, like hillbillies & ATVs. It's just a baaaaad idea.

Oh, and you'll want to any casual Sunday drives through Charleston unless you're game for some traffic surrounding the President's visit. This will be his second July 4th spent in WV. WV: The Independence Day Destination of Presidents. Hmmm, guess it doesn't have such a great ring to it.

Oh, dear God. Possums also pull wagons? I knew they played poker, but wagon-pulling???
(hat tip to Michelle - be sure to glance through the comments underneath the post)

BTW, if my last post about disasters gave you a hankering (hankeren) for some disaster pics, you can check out this online exhibit about the Buffalo Creek disaster.

Not exactly light beach-reading
I was glancing through a WV newspaper's web site yesterday when I happened upon what struck me as a somewhat gleeful advertisement for a new book published by the newspaper's parent company -- "West Virginia Disasters: Mountain State tragedies that have changed our lives."

I won't bother linking to the announcement because the link probably wouldn't work more than a day or two anyway. The editor states that, using other newspapers across the state owned by the same corporation, this book was able to piece together stories of disasters from all around the state, giving it "statewide appeal." There are apparently hoards of people clamoring for this type of literature.

Now, I do see the historical merit of compiling a book like this (and I admit I learned of several disasters I didn't know about just by reading the notice), but something about the whole announcement strikes me as funny, and, well, sad. Will there ever be a book about the greatest achievements in West Virginia history? And just what ARE those things? Come on, don't you automatically snort when you hear the hypothetical book title, "Great West Virginia Triumphs"?

No, we've got disasters. Flood disasters. Various mine and workplace disasters (e.g. Willow Island). An airplane crash that wiped out an entire football team and scores of its supporters. Bridges that inexplicably fall into the waters below. And a deadly tornado, which I had not heard of until I flipped on the TV tonight and heard the anchors celebrating the anniversary of the tragedy. We live in a state with more than our share of disasters, it seems.

The Brooklyn Hillbilly told me he hopes there is a book-on-tape version that includes survivor accounts, each stating, "IT WAS THE WORST THING I (HAD) EVER SEEN -- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!" (this, as you know, is the mandatory reaction that every disaster witness must give when interviewed by a TV or radio reporter).

Hmmmm...perhaps a sequel to this book could be "Great WV PR Disasters."

Happy belated birthday, WV!
Happy 141st! You don't look a day over 130!

Yes, it's that one time each year when we can say proudly, "SEE, I TOLD YOU WE WERE A REAL STATE AND NOT JUST A TERRITORY OF VA!"

I maintain that one of the greatest mistakes our founders made was naming the state. Surely we would not have the same problems with name recognition if our state were called Vandalia, or "Land of Many Deer and Trees," or, well, you get the picture. By choosing to cling to our mother-state, the founders not only made their lack of creativity abundantly clear, but they also forever damned us to be looked over by the geographically- and historically-confused halfwits that populate this country.

When schoolchildren and their parents memorize the states and capitals (please, oh please tell me they still have to do that), they will sit there befuddled, not understanding how the teacher could have made the mistake -- "WEST Virginia? That's not a state, is it? Well, Johnny, let's just move on to Wisconsin. There's a state I recognize. How 'bout them Badgers!"

Bypass the newspaper police
Jerry, who appears in today's Daily Mail, suggested that I post this web site to help you access pesky WV newspapers that require sign in. I'll put the link on the right side under "More WV Links: News."

Michelle is rabies, and I am rickets. Wouldn't you like us to come to your next dinner party??


Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.

The price you pay when your vote counts
Ugh, brace yourself. I hadn't even thought of the impending media onslaught that the November presidential election may bring. Then I read Don Surber's column (absolutely awesome title, BTW), in which he appropriately predicts that every toothless hillbilly will be interviewed before the November election gets here. Sigh. Here's the article that he refers to in his column (link from the Brooklyn Hillbilly - thanks).

A Daily Mail columnist has another idea for WV's development money
Instead of glitzy TV commercials featuring dance mix versions of "Country Roads" and other such ad campaigns, he suggests selecting some random out-of-state folks and hosting them for an all-expenses-paid trip to the Mountain State. Then those folks can go back to their homelands and spread the good news of WV.

It just might work. It is amazing to me the number of non-native West Virginians who are big WV fans (e.g. Amy in VA), and I don't mean just in terms of sports.

Terror Target
Imagine my surprise Saturday afternoon as I lay sprawled in the recliner half-asleep and heard FoxNews listing the cities that were mentioned as possible targets of Eco-terrorists. I opened my eyes slightly and focused on the map of the US, with the terror targets marked, and there it was -- a big dot on Morgantown. What the??! As I am way late in talking about this, I'll direct you to Michelle's blog entry from the weekend. The good news is, the ecocrazies left the university city unscathed -- not even a flaming couch to speak of.

Bunker Busted
If you're dying to see the Cold War era bunker at The Greenbrier, you'd better go see it before July 28 or you'll have to wait a year or more to tour it. The bunker will be undergoing renovations during that time. Yikes - tours are $27 for adults! (but I guess that's the approximate cost of a breath mint at The Greenbrier, so, on second thought, what a deal!)

Add Maine island to list of hardscrabble locales
Amy in VA sends this article, showing that while I was taking my hillbilly tour of New England, a Washington Post reporter was also scoping out the region. I did go to Maine, but not this particular island. I found more than one area of Maine that screamed out to me, "Hardscrabble!" (those were the parts I liked the most, BTW).

There's a great quote at the very end of this story (page 3) by one of the island's inhabitants: "It's harder to leave this island than you'd ever guess. The life traps you."

Oh, sir, that's true about so many places.

More hillbilly travel
While looking up the URL of the story above, I ran across this entertaining story about a Washington Post writer's weekend adventure in Berkeley Springs.

Raking in the fed $$
Overall, we're 12th in per capita fed gov't expenditures, with social security payments counting as the biggest fed expenditure to WV. Virginia is ahead of us (grrrr), as are Alaska & North Dakota. WV takes top "prize," however, in the per capita retirement and disability payments.

Oh, Joey-O...
I can say with great certainty that this is the first time I've ever read the phrase "raped and raped good" in print in one of WV's major newspapers.

Reaga-mania
I should remember more of Reagan's presidency than I do. My memories of major historical events depend largely on whether school was in or out of session at the time.

For example, I remember the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster vividly because that was a snow day, and I was home sledding and watching tv. I think I recall the release of the hostages right after Reagan's inauguration. That was probably another snow day, as it was January. The Iran-Contra hearings I remember because those were in the summer. I picked up an "Ollie North for President" t-shirt at the county fair that summer, not really having any idea what it meant.

I was slightly, and only slightly, more in tune with state politics as a child. I was in tune enough to be wildly excited to have passed Sharon Rockefeller pushing a baby carriage on the sidewalk in front of the Governor's mansion during one of my rare visits to Charleston. I recall, I think, Jay's blizzard (was that 1978?), which happened before my school days. My dad, a state employee, came home early that day to wait for the blizzard that never materialized.

Are you picking up a snow theme here? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, I feel rather out of it because I can't remember more about Reagan, either to talk about how wonderful he was or to gripe about all he did wrong.

Recovering from my hillbilly vacation
I went on vacation for about 10 days, and when I returned, I immediately became ill. Make of that whatever you wish. Perhaps I developed an allergy to work. Wonder if I can get "the disability" for that?

My hillbilly travels took me through all of the New England states, plus a few others, and you know what I noticed? Now, you'd better sit down. Put your latte aside for a moment, because this may well knock you back on your arse. In each of the states except one*, I observed, I swear to God, TRAILERS. PEOPLE LIVING IN TRAILERS! Can you fathom it -- that somewhere outside of West Virginia people are living in TRAILERS? I was aghast, quite understandably, especially when I drove past several large clusters of trailers (dare I call them trailer courts??) along one of the major highways leading into Boston -- literally minutes from downtown Boston (minutes if the traffic is moving, that is). Come on, have you ever read a newspaper report of someone in Massachusetts living in a trailer? Has it ever been noted with gory detail when the subject of an Associated Press story is sitting on the "steps of her trailer" in the Boston suburbs?

About 20 or so miles outside of Boston, I took a series of small roads through old, classic New England communities. My destination was the town that one of my ancestors helped to settle in the 1600s (his great-great grandson inexplicably moved from the paradise of Massachusetts to the wilderness of what is now WV in the 1700s). As I was driving through the rolling hills, I found myself thinking, "Hmmm, this is a lot like home," and by "home" I'm referring to the mid-Ohio valley/Little Kanawha River valley lowlands (a.k.a. "hardscrabble," "backwoods Appalachia"). I found myself thinking that quite often during the trip, each time a little more shocked than the last that I found something in NEW ENGLAND that reminded me of West Virginia.

Of course, I knew that was the case. I knew that my home state as not as backwoods and uniquely downtrodden as the press makes it sound (try going to upstate NY -- never seen so much property for sale in my life). It's just that when you hear it again and again and again, you start believing it. You start thinking that you're a hillbilly freak living in a hillbilly freakland and wherever you go you'll bear scarlet H (for hillbilly -- duh) and people will recognize you're a hillbilly freak. Of course, this is all highly ridiculous, and that's why it's good to venture across the state line from time to time to reassure yourself that there are in fact trailers in other states, there are junk cars in yards darn near everywhere, and there are economically-depressed areas even in the states perceived as well-to-do.

*I did not spy a trailer during my hurried drive across Connecticut, but I feel certain that that was because the trees along the interstate had been strategically placed to obscure the view of sprawling trailer parks. Had I dared to stray from the interstate, I would have found them.

Rebel Deer
It's still quite early, I know, but the Brooklyn Hillbilly has already found the first item for his Christmas list this year. Shockingly, the auction ended without any bids.

Where has all the cropland gone?
Why, it's gone to federal prisons, DC commuters and retirees, to name a few. WV has lost 387 square miles of cropland since 1997.

"Taxed to the Max"
Sure, we're last in things like higher education, number of teeth per capita, etc., but when it comes to BEING TAXED, we're right up there! YEEHAW! WV has the 18th highest per capita total tax.

Here's the source of the info (from Census Bureau - right-hand side of table is per capita).

Bad news for Martha in Kentucky: The Bluegrass State has the 16th highest per capita taxes. Our MD neighbors don't have it much better than WV; they're 17th.

Still alive
Yes, I'm still alive. I've just been on my long commute. According to this article, WV's increase in commute time was the highest in the nation. I remember my summers during college when I would drive 30-45 minutes each way to get to a my low-paying job du jour (fast food for one summer, then a series of temp jobs each of the following summers). I'd wonder to myself how people did that for years and years on end, spending up to 2 hours a day in the car, depending on whether you got behind a tractor trailer, elderly person or other slow driver on Route 14 as it snaked its way through what I now understand is HARDSCRABBLE landscape.