Apologies
The Alpbilly was put on an earlier flight than planned, so last week I had to dash out of the house without saying that I would be on vacation and, for the most part, not blogging till after New Year's.

Nothing more festive than the father of psychoanalysis
During our travels last week, we stopped at an outlet mall in Maryland where the HOLIDAY (grrrrr) decorations consisted of small banners with what was supposed to be the word joy written in a variety of languages. They were hanging everywhere. The first line was in an alphabet I didn't recognize, so I can't assess the validity of that one. The next lines were JOY, FREUD, FELICE and JOIE.

Now, my German isn't what it used to be, and, frankly, it was never that great, but I thought "freud" wasn't a word, other than being Sigmund's last name. Finally the Alpbilly, who speaks all but one of the languages on the banner (with German being his native language), burst out laughing! "Sigmund Freud?! I think they forgot the E!" Yes, that's right. Freude, not Freud. Oh well.

'Losing Hope in Appalachia' - article in Boston Globe
I completely missed this one last week. Thanks to Jerry for sending me an e-mail about it today. The article is part of a year-long series of world health stories by the Globe. The statistics presented are sobering, to say the least -- e.g. a boy born in McDowell County has a life expectancy lower than 34 developing countries, like Vietnam & Mongolia. McDowell County men have the 6th lowest life expectancy in all U.S. counties; McDowell County women have the 7th lowest (data from Harvard & CDC study).

Some follow-up articles have appeared in the Charleston newspapers (see here and here). The latter contains this alarming stat: 9 of 10 kids in the county qualify for reduced or free lunch.

And now, a message from Safety Hillbilly
The Brooklyn Hillbilly writes the following in response to yesterday's blog entry:

I am stunned and appalled --- you don't never -- ever -- swerve to miss a deer ---- Countless people have died from the damn deer swerving -------- swerving leads to guardrails, ditches, ravines, oak trees, and oncoming traffic -- however, mowing down a deer (or multiple deer) is practically never fatal ----------- So, let's review Safety Hillbilly's procedure --
hit the brakes
blow the horn
do not swerve

dear s, it has been a year/we wish you was still here/and didn't try to miss that deer

Of deer and the dear departed
A recent AP article stated that deer-related auto accidents cost West Virginia insurers $44 million annually. That reminded me of my near-miss of a herd of deer on Route 50 Sunday night. I managed to swerve to the right to avoid the running pack of deer.

I was so spooked by the incident, however, that a few miles down the road I nearly wrecked again. This time I was in the passing lane passing a car (a good reason to be in the passing lane) when I saw a flicker of something in the median off in the distance. Another darn deer, I thought, and slammed on the brakes. No, no, my headlights had caught something shiny hanging from a cross in the median, a cross memorializing someone killed in an auto accident, I would assume.

The two crosses in the median have been there for months. There are crosses and other memorials at the sides of Route 50 at various locations, but I've never mistaken those for deer, dogs, cats, etc. There's a mailbox along Route 14, however, that (after dark) I almost always think is a deer lying in wait.

But, I digress.

The memorials at the sides of the road are likely on private property -- I'm not sure what the legal right-of-way is. These two crosses in the median, on the other hand, are most definitely on DOH property. I certainly don't begrudge someone the opportunity to memorialize their loved one -- I totally understand that -- but I don't think it's a great idea to have these objects in the median. It's fine during a sunny day, but after dark or, worse, after dark when the weather is hampering visibility, even such harmless objects can cause problems. The only things that should be in the median on Route 50 are well-fed ground hogs and the occasional state trooper's vehicle (waiting for bat-out-of-hell drivers like the Brooklyn Hillbilly).

BTW, as a sheer coincidence, I saw this story on FoxNews today.

Besides, everyone knows the appropriate tribute for a deceased family member is to place an ad in the newspaper directly addressing that person, such as "Daddy, we miss you each and every day. Our football tailgate parties just aren't the same without you. We are getting along OK, but we miss you." Those wishing to go one step further should make the message rhyme -- e.g. "It was 2 years ago today, that Jesus took you away, and we just wanted to say, we remember you every night when we pray."

You know it's time to turn up the heat...
...when both cats are camped out on the heat vents and refuse to budge even when the daily food ration is presented to them.

Pain in the neck
Apologies for lack of blogging and e-mails to those of you with whom I correspond on a regular basis. Somehow I've re-aggrevated my neck ailment (probably from excessive eye-rolling and dramatic sighing and shoulder dropping) that causes me to have a pesky headache and stiffness in my neck and upper back. Those symptoms leave me in a very pleasant mood, needless to say, and staring at the computer longer than absolutely necessary just makes things worse.

Icky in '04
He'll do his job, not his staff, say his campaign buttons (scroll waaaaaaaay down).

House Blogging
I received festive holiday greetings from my insurance company yesterday. Let’s see. How was it now? Oh yes, it went a little something like this: Joy to the world, we’re rais-ing your rates, to the tune, of forty-three, PERCENT! BAH! Yes, they’re raising house insurance rates in WV “an average of 43.8 percent.” If you have both your house and car insurance with them (I don’t), you get the bargain of only a 20 percent average increase.

It’s not like you can just go find another company. HA! That’s a funny one. No, many companies have completely stopped writing new policies in this state. I found that out last year when I bought my house. Here I thought the greatest challenge was going to be finding the house and negotiating a price. No, the real chore was getting insurance (a.k.a. in-shornce).

The state of the state bathrooms
Here's something to which I've not given a great deal of thought -- public restrooms in WV. This article is about an internet site that reviews public restrooms and includes some entries about facilities in WV.

I travel I-79 and Route 50 frequently, but I try to avoid using the, um, facilities. When that's necessary, however, I prefer to stop at a Sheetz. I find the ones in the Morgantown vacinity the cleanest (compared to Bridgeport). I sometimes resort to Wal-Mart (with great regret, especially the one at Bridgeport). I've also found the new gas station along Route 50 at Salem -- a Citgo, I think -- to have an immaculate women's restroom. Another newer gas station (Chevron, I think) near West Union, also on Route 50, has had very clean restrooms (and a clean, neat store) each time I've stopped there.

As bad as the restrooms at Wal-Mart usually are, they're still far better than the roadside toilets we stopped in Bulgaria (other, non-roadside toilets were fine). The roadside ones were, and I'm not kidding, holes in the ground. I took pictures because I knew no one would ever believe me when I got home.

JL godmother of 'fun ship'
Good grief. Jerry sent me this story. I admit that when I saw the headline (which he used as the subject of his e-mail) I immediately started wondering what the heck a carnival miracle was -- a kid conceived on the tilt-a-whirl?

Speaking of JL, the AP reported that she spent her Thanksgiving in Colorado. I wonder when the Colorado AP will permanently take over the JL watch.

In case you're wondering - and I know you are - some other cruise ship godmothers have included the likes of Chris Evert, Whoopi Goldberg, Julie Andrews and astronaut Tamara Jernigan.

Tis the Season for Killing Deer
The weather in WV this weekend was just beautiful -- perfect for building tree-stands or tacking up No Hunting signs about every six inches around the perimeter of your property. I used to absolutely hate deer season. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the bullets whizzing by the house, or seeing the carcasses strapped to vehicles, or the TRAFFIC (yes, traffic) caused by the out of town visitors.

Now that I've lived for several years in a place where deer season is just a minor headline in the newspaper, I, too, don't think much about it, except for when I go home for Thanksgiving and find the dogs cowering in the corners of the house, determined that all the bullets outside are meant for them.

As a car owner, I also can say that seeing those dead "Bambi" bodies being hauled around doesn't have quite the same effect on me. One less deer to dodge on Route 50, I think, and drive on. Yeah, now that I have a car, I'm practically standing at the forest's edge shouting cheers, "Shoot 'em up, shoot 'em up, rah rah rah!"

WV author on 'Fresh Air'
Lee Maynard (author of Crum & Screaming With the Cannibals) was interviewed on 'Fresh Air' today. Hat tip to Jerry for sending me the link. I missed it, so I'll be listening to the interview online when I get to a computer with speakers.

Flooding, but what else is new?
And, to go with the flooding, the exceedingly poor judgment of one WV woman has been shown all over the national TV airwaves (including the Weather Channel and, just now, on FoxNews' The Factor). She drove through barriers, which included fire trucks, and into flood water and had to be rescued. Here's more about it in this article.

It's situations like these that make me wish people could be cited for sheer stupidity. I'd like to read that in the daily report. It's sort of like "failure to use due care," right? John Doe, 25, Nitro, sheer stupidity, fined $100 plus court costs. Seriously, couldn't she be fined for breaking through the barricades? She put people's lives (the rescuers) in danger, not to mention the damage caused to the property where her car was deposited by the flood water.

The houses are here, but nobody's home
In today's Daily Mail: "West Virginia made one of the biggest jumps in the nation's total number of vacation homes during the past 10 years. " As the researcher quoted in the article points out, the surprising thing is the second homes are distributed throughout the state, not just in the eastern panhandle or mountainous ski resort areas where you might typically imagine second homes. Only three counties -- Pleasants (also the smallest county in the state by area), Jefferson & Greenbrier -- have fewer vacation/second homes now than a decade ago.

Back in the good old days
Here's an interesting column about the first West Virginia Encyclopedia published in 1929. This is my favorite tidbit: "The Legislature met only once every two years. In 1917, when America entered World War I, it passed a law against idleness, the first of its kind. 'Nearly 1,000 persons were arrested, and probably 5,000 more were frightened into employment.'"

Hmmm, I guess it's pretty safe to assume that law's no longer on the books.

A rare species - the hillbilly tollbooth cat
This is a neat story about a cat who has taken up residence at the Yeager Airport parking area. Employees and frequent users of the parking lot look Parker the cat. I can't imagine either of my cats adapting to life anywhere remotely close to loud aircraft.

Two hillbillies walk into a martini bar
Too bad I have no punchline. In their continued attempts to broaden my social horizons, the Brooklyn Hillbilly and Carolina asked me to accompany them to a martini bar Friday night while the BH was briefly in the Mountain State. It was a nice enough establishment (pleasant decor, soft background music) but would have been even nicer if there had been about 75 fewer people crammed into the place. Since I don't drink alcohol*, I can't speak to the quality of the martinis, but Carolina said they were excellent.

While we were standing there, observing that most males of typical college age look exactly alike, one of those individuals said loudly into a cell phone, "Hey, bitch, where are ya?" His tone was pleasant, as if he was using it as a term of endearment.

The BH asked me, "Don't you wish you had someone to call you bitch?"

"Yes," I sighed, "maybe someday I'll meet that special someone."


*No, I'm not a recovering alcoholic, nor is any member of my family, and, no, drinking alcohol is not against my religion.

"Thank God for horse crap"
The owners of a Kanawha County horse barn that avoided major structural damage during a flood earlier this week credit a large pile of horse manure (about 5 ft. high & the size of a "baseball diamond") with buffering the barn from the worst of the raging flood waters. All of the horses in the stable escaped injury and were led through the water to higher ground. I guess, as Martha Stewart would say, a five-foot high pile of dung can be a "good thing."

Lap dances, 'special drinks' skirt taxation
Given his keen interest in both strippers and the law, the Brooklyn Hillbilly will find this story fascinating. Basically, the WV Supreme Court ruled yesterday that payments clubs give dancers for performing "private dances" aren't taxable under WV law. Justice Warren McGraw wrote "that strippers taking special drinks and performing private dances are essentially acting as subcontractors for the club. Therefore, state law exempts any payments they receive for that work from sales tax."

The Brooklyn Hillbilly drops in
If he can manage to take a break from downloading the Paris Hilton sex video and alleged JL naked photos on Kazaa, I'll be visiting with the Brooklyn Hillbilly tonight while he is passing through the state.

Random thoughts about the Jessi ABC interview
The aerial shots of the Palestine* countryside surprised me. It looks so different from the air (duh) -- so very, I don't know, New England? It reminded me of the beginning of The Witches of Eastwick.

I was impressed by how composed JL was throughout. Diane S. continues to remind me of Martha Stewart. I just can't get that out of my head.

As usual, I'm still obsessed with minutia. Yes, the mall thing. She confirmed that she had not been to a mall until her senior year (time of the oft-mentioned trip to Charleston), but qualified that by saying "a big mall." By that we can assume she means the oft-mentioned trip to Charleston. I know what she means by "a big mall," but -- oh, I don't know -- the key is she just hadn't traveled widely outside of the area.

Unless I missed something at the very beginning (darn the phone), I thought the portrayal of the county was fair. Unemployment and poverty statistics were quoted. The scenes of the town and surrounding area (that I saw) seemed representative. They didn't, for example, find some guy with one tooth and hold him up as a typical Wirt Countian (always a fear of mine). I did not detect an effort to create a picture of "backwoods Appalachia" -- rather, it seemed the angle was presenting the community as "Anytown, USA," if you will.

I was happy to see time devoted to other members of the 507th Maintenance company, especially those who died in the ambush. It was also nice to see the Iraqi nurses and doctors who treated her.

This is my favorite the-community-reacts-to-the-ABC-interview story. I love the assessor's assessment of Rick Bragg -- he could use a haircut, she said. I have to admit I was a little surprised by him. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but that wasn't it.

*I am referring to Palestine, a small town in West Virginia, which is a state in the United States of America. In case you stumbled upon this by accident -- and I certainly DO apologize for your misfortune -- I want to make it known that I am not in any way trying to comment about anything in the Middle East.

Veterans' Day Broadcaster Blunder
I love watching the morning news on one of the local stations.

This morning the perky morning anchor read off several Veterans' Day events in northcentral WV, including, as she put it, the "pow-mee-uh" vigil tonight in Morgantown. Luckily, the translation of this phrase was on the screen at the time: POW/MIA. She said it so confidently and without hesitation that, by the time I got to work, I'd nearly convinced myself that it was an accepted pronunciation of the acronym.

Happy Veterans' Day
Sigh. Jerry sent me a URL for this story in the NY Daily News this morning, and then this follow-up on Fox News -- re: the alleged JL topless photos. Here's what the Daily Mail has to say about this topic, as well as the debut of the book in Charleston bookstores.

*Update* The WV Media "statewide news network" reporter accompanying the Lynch family in NYC just stated that JL and family have canceled their evening plans to tour the city because of hoard of photographers that flocked to the hotel following Larry Flynt's announcement.

As difficult as it is, I think she should go on with her book tour. Not that there's an option NOT to -- I imagine there are contractual obligations. When reporters ask questions, she should just say it was a stupid thing to have done (if indeed they're really photos of her) and, like most people, she has done things of which she's not especially proud, and since that time she has certainly grown up and changed a great deal. It's best to get out there and create more (new) headlines instead of allowing these alleged photos to be discussed ad nauseum, in my extremely humble opinion.

On a completely different note, it occurs to me that it's too bad that the Brooklyn Hillbilly is in WV this week instead of NYC. It would be nice if he could show JL the town.

Countdown
What is it now? 23-plus hours till the big interview airs? I admit I don't know the exact time it'll be on ABC.

Here's the Time article that I've heard people talking about today on the radio and TV. The last three pages of the article have quite a bit from Dee & Greg Lynch Sr. No snide WV remarks that I noticed (e.g. "hollers"). In fact, they use the word "valley" to describe where the Lynch home is situated. Sadly, neither of my favorites -- hardscrabble and bucolic -- were included in the story.

It's amusing to me, somewhat, to see the headlines various news outlets put on articles that say basically the same thing. Some say they're from a wire service - others are re-written by staffers with a slightly different twist. The ones about JL saying she felt there was no need to film her rescue (and whatever else it was that came out that day) have headlines ranging from "Jessica Lynch laments military portrayal" to "Jessica Lynch condemns Pentagon" (that was the BBC's take on it). Condemns the Pentagon? They take the same quotes and one gets "laments" and the other "condemns."

Fun Times in Logan: What do you MEAN my son's unsportsmanlike?! (WHAP*BAM)
So, after her son was ejected from the game for three unsportsman-like conduct fouls, the mother of a Logan football player decided to set the record straight by, um, allegedly assaulting the official.

Pet Peeve: People who talk to cereal boxes
This has been annoying me for sometime: People who carry on loud conversations on cell phones while walking through a store or other public places.

I have on more than one occasion pushed my cart into an aisle to be confronted by the image of someone (seemingly) having an animated conversation with the merchandise. I've seen women talking to maxi pads, men chatting to cereal boxes, etc. And, since their cell phones are the size of credit cards, you can't necessarily SEE the cell phone. So, for a few seconds, it really appears that the person is consulting a tissue box (or similar item) for suggestions on where to go for dinner.

Sometimes the conversations are related to the shopping excursion, which, I suppose, I can forgive. If your wife sends you out for corn flakes and you're befuddled by the numerous choices, then, fine, call her up for a consultation. But, often, the conversations are completely unrelated and of a social nature. It's just a given that it's always a LOUD conversation: "YOU WANNA MEET DOWNTOWN?! YEAH! MAYBE EIGHT O'CLOCK?! IS B.J. COMING? NO?! WHY NOT?!"

Grrrrr....

And it's not just me -- the dog of which I currently have custody (long story - one of my dad's) finds it annoying, too! The other night we were taking our final walk of the night at about 10:30 p.m. As we walked down one side of the street, a young woman on the sidewalk on the other side of the street was carrying on a conversation with an unseen person (presumably on a cell phone). As she got closer to us and continued to talk loudly, Sam stopped in his tracks and turned around and stared directly at her -- turning his head from side to side as if she were clucking like a chicken or making some other bizarre sound (which I occasionally do to perk up his ears for photos). She passed, still chatting away, and Sam look up at me as if to say, "Now if that isn't the darndest thing I've ever seen."

So, when I finally dragged myself out of bed this morning, I saw the PARADE lying there on the floor. Hmmm, what's this? Oh, some JL look alike. What? It's her? Huh? My buddy in Charleston also found the photo rather odd and unlike other JL photos we've seen. He sent me this fine triptych to illustrate the point. The PARADE picture is on the left. The other two are from ABC's pre-interview publicity.



*UPDATE* Go here to see the full PARADE cover on Jerry's site.

Made for TV
In today's Gazette there's a review of the JL TV movie that will air Sunday at 9 p.m. on NBC. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to watch it. What I read in the review isn't exactly tempting me to sit through two hours of the made-for-TV madness.

Passing of a political legend
If you've lived in WV any length of time, then you've probably met or at least been at an event attended by A. James Manchin. The Brooklyn Hillbilly and I were once seated at a table with Manchin during a youth in government program in Charleston. I have little or no memory of this -- just one of many years completely obliterated from my memory -- but I trust the BH on this.

I saw him other places, too, that I definitely remember. For example, one day he just showed up at the college cafeteria. I'm not sure why he was there, but there he was, going table to table greeting people.

Yeah, he was kind of kooky -- "flamboyant" is the term people are using in the tributes -- but he really seemed to love the state.

Wedding bells
The AP reported this morning that JL and her beau are planning a June wedding, according to the beau's mother. The story also states that the couple may end up residing in Colorado.

Hillbilly Halloween
I got a grand total of TWO trick-or-treaters. What is it with kids - are they too darn lazy to get up off their arses and go beg for candy? Are they too busy playing video games? Oh, wait, maybe they're just at home working on their hit lists.

Pepperoni rolls
Michelle enters a vote (on behalf of her husband) for Julia's pepperoni rolls which are available here at grocery and convenience stores in northcentral WV, and probably elsewhere. I like the hot pepper cheese variety of these, heated for just a minute or so in the microwave. Yummy.

Fried sparrow with a side of mushrooms
That's what's for dinner at my house tonight. Blech. At least this bunch of sparrows was slightly less expensive to clean out of the furnace.

House of Goodwin v. House of Livingston
This darn fine article in today's Daily Mail is worthy of a rare midday post. Don Surber puts a Montague-Capulet spin on the JL/Ma-R situation earlier this week.

The Daily Mail has an article today about JL's book, which is due out Nov. 11 to coincide with the Diane Sawyer interview.

Birding gone bad
I CAN'T KEEP THE SPARROWS OUT OF MY FURNACE!!!!

A few weeks ago, I shelled out over $80 to have my furnace "repaired." By repair, I mean taking apart the furnace and removing several bird bodies (remarkably well-preserved, I might add) from the vent (flue, whatever). The guy told me I should have a cover built for the chimney or put wire over it or something.

So, it was on my list of things to do. I was waiting for the right time to climb up on the roof to assess the chimney situation and had, in fact, planned to do it tonight. But when I came home for lunch and noticed the furnace wasn't coming on -- again -- I knew I was too late.

I spent the last moments of daylight climbing up on the roof to check out the chimney, and then speeding to Lowe's to buy wire before the sun went down (didn't make it in time).

OK, then, maybe I can take the pipe apart and get the birds out myself. BAH! It took forever to get the screws out, and when I did, I learned that the birds are actually down IN the furnace. That's what the guy had said, but I had thought (and hoped) that perhaps they were right at the end of the pipe, right where it enters the furnace. Oh, noooooooooo.

So, tomorrow it's another $80-100 for bird removal. And yes, I'll be climbing up on the roof again. I don't care if I have to use duct tape and dental floss -- I'm going to cover those stupid pipes.

*Update* - Here's a statement the Friends of Mohammed released Thurs., Oct. 30. OK, if he knew ahead of time, then so be it. This is the type of thing that, if released while or before he was in the state might have made things seem less peculiar to onlookers like me.

Prior commitments
Very interesting...Lynch's agent and al-Rehaief's agent couldn't come to an agreement on a meeting while he was in WV. I'm glad agents weren't involved when she was being rescued from the hospital. Otherwise, she might still be there. A photo - taken on Tuesday - of Diane Sawyer & JL strolling down the sidewalk in front of the Wood County (grrrrrrrrr) court house appears today on the news/sentinel main page (it will be gone tomorrow). I can see why they would have wanted to film them walking in front of the Wood County court house, since it's in a secluded location a few blocks away from things like...oh, let me see... the Parkersburg TV station and the News/Sentinel office. It's the perfect place for a nice, quiet heart-to-heart talk with someone on crutches (it is good to see JL on crutches, which certainly seems encouraging).

And here's what JL's spokesperson says, as reported in the Charleston Gazette, on why the two didn't meet.

Sigh. No, I don't know the whole story. I don't know Mohammed. I don't know JL. I don't know anything about anything -- I'm well aware of that. However, as just an average West Virginian watching the media coverage unfold, I think someone may have given her some bad advice on this one. IF there's some sort of legal reason they couldn't have met (contract obligations or something), or she's not emotionally able to do so, then maybe a big bouquet of flowers or a statement or something of the sort delivered by a relative or friend could have been presented to him while he was in Elizabeth or Palestine. It just seems odd to have him in the state for what - four days? he was here all weekend, right? - and not have some sort of contact between the two.

But what do I know -- maybe it will be more meaningful after both of their books are published, and that way they can trade. JL: (gasping) "OH! A book! Why, thank you!" Mohammed: (gasping) "A BOOK! Why, how thoughtful!"

Knowing my interest in obituaries, the Brooklyn Hillbilly sent me this link. I wonder how this would manifest itself in WV? Maybe asking for donations to the McGraw campaign(s)? Or to the NRA? Or to a democrat of your choice??

Hillbilly fun with fungi
Don't you wish you had this growing in your backyard?



I'm almost embarrassed to go near it. I sneaked out early this morning to snap this picture. As you can see, it's growing straight out of a stump. It's a good thing I photographed it this morning because now it's, um, limp and not nearly so interesting (I'm serious).

Luckily, I have a well-connected blog friend who found out the following info from one of her friends:

"I THINK it is an 'elegant stinkhorn,' Mutinus elegans. Family name is Phallaceae; I'm sure you can guess why. I thought at first it might be a dog stinkhorn, as the picture of that in my Golden Guide to Non-Flowering Plants looks more like the photo than the other two stinkhorns ("elegant" isn't in the guide), and maybe it is...

Does it smell bad? (No, no noticeable odor, but I am a little too, um, shy to put my nose right down next to it.)
Some sources say it is edible. Some say it is inedible. I don't care what anybody says about that. (ICK! Neither do I!)"

Here are some URLs she sent:
Wisconsin Woodland Biology: Mutinus elegans

Elegant stinkhorn


Elegant stinkhorn 2


Stinkhorn homepage

A very big thanks to Michelle's friend Susan.

Ahhhhh, my favorite weekend of the entire year. I don't care what the weather's like, what's on TV...just give me an extra hour of sleep and I'm a happy, happy hillbilly.

More on al-Rehaief's visit

More on Pickaway
This one's especially for Amy in VA, who enjoys seeing stories with the dateline of Pickaway: New wine, old roots

Two stories in about a week -- Pickaway is really rocking! This story, however, is written by a West Virginian and does not include the word bucolic.

Hey, we don't let just anyone into this exclusive club
An Ohio congressman is pushing to have some Ohio counties -- Ashtabula, Trumbull, Mahoning and Fayette -- added to the definition of Appalachia. And why? Well, federal funding, of course. That and the really cool secret handshake. The House has already passed the bill; now it goes to the Senate. WV is the only state that has all of its counties included in Appalachia. (found this in an AP story - haven't found a permalink yet)

*UPDATE* Ah, here we go.

Anywhere I can get Kroger cottage cheese on the black market?
After a week of the Kroger strike, my food supply has finally dwindled to the point that I had to shop somewhere else. I picked up my supply of Diet Coke at a convenience store that was having a sale, a vat of salsa from Sam's Club* (but no chips, because they don't have the kind I like) and yogurt and bananas from Wal-Mart. I'm holding out a few days on the cottage cheese - normally the staple of my diet - because I'm hooked on the fat free Kroger brand variety. Yes, I'm still in denial about finding a new cottage cheese supplier.

Yogurt is another thing that's hard to substitute. You'd think that yogurt would be a pretty standard thing wherever you go. Ha. No way. You've got the soupy kind, the kind that has some mystery liquid on top, the kind that's like a brick and requires minutes of stirring, and, in my humble opinion, the perfect yogurt creation - sugar-free Kroger strawberry and peach yogurt (2 different flavors, not mixed -- ick!). It's blended and just the right consistency.

AND I CAN'T GET IT!!! BAHHHHHHH!

*In my previous post, I said I spent $20 at Sam's. I should make it clear that it was not a $20 vat of salsa, although I bet you could find such a thing there. I purchased another $15 non-food item.

Don't let the smiling yellow face fool you
Not long ago it was announced that Wal-Mart is the state's largest employer. Here's an article in the Daily Mail that I really liked, and, I must admit, I've never been one to jump on the "Wal-Mart BAD" bandwagon. I also must admit that I spent $20 at Sam's Club tonight, but I felt very, very guilty as I was doing it.

Lynchlines
A segment called "Saving Private Lynch" will be on Dateline tomorrow night at 9 p.m. ET. Since this is about Mohammed Al Rehaief, perhaps the piece will not include the word "hardscrabble," unless Mohammed utters it himself.
In an exclusive television interview, the Iraqi lawyer who has been credited with saving former POW Jessica Lynch tells his story. Mohammed Al Rehaief tells NBC’s Jamie Gangel why he risked his life for a total stranger.

No one's immune to ATV accidents in WV
It's well known that West Virginians and ATVs just don't mix well, and now it's a state Supreme Court justice -- Warren McGraw -- who's the victim. Luckily, he had no major injuries.

Fab fall foliage foiled
If you had planned to tour northcentral West Virginia to view the fall colors, well, you may be just about too late to see the peak. The leaves colored quickly late last week, and tonight we have major wind forecast. You know what that means -- bye, bye leaves & time to drag out the rake. Currently we're experiencing an October thunderstorm. I wouldn't be that surprised if I woke up to a foot of snow on the ground tomorrow. The weather has been just that bizarre this year.

In other WV news, if you'd planned to stop at Kroger during your leaf peeping tour, then you're really in for disappointment, as WV Kroger stores closed today because of the strike. Thankfully, the pharmacies are staying open, which means you'll still be able to jump in line in front of me when I'm there picking up my pills.

The great Pot Plane caper of 1979
I'm just a little too young to remember the Pot Plane incident, so I enjoyed reading about this bizarre piece of WV history today in the Gazette.

Hot 'n Icky
Gag - this is purely disturbing. Visitors to the hotornot web site have determined that Icky is indeed "hot."

King of Pork also the King of Spam??
Yesterday I was going through my 50 or so spam emails that had accumulated in my private account overnight. One of the messages was from Robert Byrd. Oh, I KNOW it wasn't that Robert Byrd, and I realize it's a rather common name, but somehow it amuses me to get an e-mail offer something like "!!!! Vic@DIN no R-X adfkjaepirupiuqpqut" from a Robert Byrd.

What really annoys me, though, is when the spammers just happen to choose a name of someone I went to college with. And I don't mean really common names like Bill Smith. That coupled with a vague subject line like "hi" or "how are you" is about the only thing that makes me open those idiotic messages.

One fine mothman
A buddy of mine went to see the mothman statue and was very impressed by the quality of the work, so impressed he tracked down the artist, a 70-year-old retired American Electric Power employee named Robert Roach who just started doing statues a few years ago. Go look at the detail shown in the photos. It's really impressive.

So...I'm thinking if the current version of that female veteran statue doesn't pan out, maybe this man can work on the next one. Imagine the intricate detail work he could do on the skort!

Bad news for dead voters
A new computerized state-wide voter registration system will reportedly eliminated tens of thousands (60,000-70,000) from the system, including those registered voters who are dead, no longer WV residents and otherwise ineligible to vote. No prediction on how this might affect voter turn-out in some counties (eh hem...).

Know your Oliverios
Ahhhh, you know another political campaign season is upon us when the local TV station starts mixing up photos of the Oliverios. Tonight when I flipped on the TV, the news anchor was apologizing for an earlier confusion of photos. They'd mistakenly shown the photo of WV Sen. Michael A. Oliverio II (who is running for Secretary of State) while announcing that Joseph Oliverio has entered the race for governor on the GOP ticket. What's amazing to me is I believe this happened the last time Joseph Oliverio ran for governor four years ago! And I think it was even the same station that made the mistake. One would think the wrath of all the Oliverios in northcentral WV would have made them extra cautious.

Daily Mail: Veterans groups split on female statue
"West Virginia's two largest veterans organizations are split on whether a statue meant to honor women veterans should wear fatigues or a skirt."

Well, if they can't decide between pants and a skirt, clearly the answer is a SKORT!

*UPDATE*
The Brooklyn Hillbilly (finally taking a break from sipping Howard Dean kool-aid long enough to fire off an e-mail) suggests: "They should just change it to a barefoot, pregnant, unemployed wife of a male soldier --- I think a couch and jerry springer tuned t.v. would be good, too -- but I don't know how that will look in marble." (I think it's going to be bronze, but still...we get the picture)

If only there were a way to recycle all these gosh darn trailers
Great. This sounds like just the kind of story the AP, Reuters, etc. will pick up on, minus the part about other states like Vermont and North Carolina also looking for ways to recycle trailers.

Let the official mourning period begin...
Yes, it's a sad day for single hillbilly women across the nation. Actually, Saturday was the day former Gov. Gaston Caperton married for the third time -- but I just saw it on the Gazette's AP page this afternoon. His wedding to Idit Ron Harel took place at the American Museum of Natural History in New York (perhaps the Brooklyn Hillbilly was one of the 400 in attendance), and, get this, the bride and groom walked down the aisle to "Country Roads" after the ceremony, which was a "mixture of Christian and Jewish traditions." The AP also reports that "A West Virginia band, The Production Company, played at the reception." Guess that's a good gig, if you can get it.

This column by Brad McElhinny in the Saturday Daily Mail made me grin. With so many people bailing out of the Wise administration early, he suggests hiring temps.

ACK - flashbacks...I'm having flashbacks
Former WV first lady Rachael Worby -- now music director of the Pasadena POPS -- was one of the Californians Tom Brokaw interviewed during the Dateline that aired tonight on NBC. Worby, described as an "inspiring and charismatic presence on the conductor's podium" by her website (worby-dot-com), declined to say how she would vote in the recall election.

Hillbilly Moving Pictures
Sure, maybe you know about the Forest Festival (BTW, heck of a web site design for the Forest Fest) in Elkins, the Old-Fashioned Apple Harvest Festival in Burlington and the Apple Butter Festival in Salem -- all this weekend. But did you know there's a week-long West Virginia Filmmakers Festival in Sutton?

Mountain State not a big draw for young people
No surprise there, but it is surprising (as stated in the article) that more young people aren't leaving the state to find jobs. Sometimes it seems to me like I'm one of about a dozen 30-somethings left (clearly, I'm exaggerating).

I'm one of those who didn't leave, but many, many days I wish that I had.

Invisibleness
Don't stand between a hillbilly and her drugs, darn it
Some days I think there's something in the water of my shower that causes me to be invisible for the day. Today it started at work, but since I don't blog about work, I won't go there. The day of invisibleness reached its climax tonight at the pharmacy, and that, boys and girls, is fair game.

If I ever get into a fistfight, it will probably be at a pharmacy. The ones here have recently remodeled so that there are TWO separate windows -- one clearly labeled DROP OFF and another clearly labeled PICK UP. The signs hang directly over the windows and are printed in legible lettering. Yet, this complex concept seems impossible for some to grasp.

OK, I exempt the elderly. If you've been going to the same window for 50 years to both drop off and pick up your prescriptions, then fine, I can see how it would be difficult to get the new routine down. HOWEVER, it's not the 100 year olds who end up in front of me in the clearly labeled PICK UP line with a stack of prescriptions to inquire about.

"How about this one, can I get this one filled? And this one, now he gave me that one today -- does my insurance (inshornce) cover that? Oh, it doesn't -- could I just get 10 days worth? How much would that be? Now, this one here, that's on my husband's 'workman's' comp." Good grief.

All of these questions, of course, require someone from the DROP OFF window to come down. After the questions cease, you think you're finally getting somewhere, but no. The person deposits his/her grocery items on the counter and proceeds to wait for the prescription(s) to be filled, while the rest of us stand there fuming.

This part is the fault of the pharmacy staff. The high school kids (ok, maybe they're in college) working the cash register just stand there as if they're frightened to death of the woman, her 10 lb. package of chicken, bottle of Clorox, Cheerios, etc.

I JUST WANT MY MEASLEY LITTLE PRESCRIPTION THAT I CALLED IN LIKE A GOOD GIRL! See my debit card already out of my wallet and ready to swipe??? MAKE HER GO AWAY!!!

Tonight I fell victim to another sign. This recent addition to the PICK UP counter states something like: Please stand back from the counter until the customer in front of you is finished. There's something else about privacy and giving others the consideration you yourself would like, blah blah. So, when I arrived, there were several people -- clearly together -- standing at the counter with their grocery items up on the counter. The cashier was nowhere to be seen, so I figured s/he was waiting on this group. It was obvious they weren't going anywhere, so I stood back about 3-4 steps -- giving them the privacy I would want, blah blah.

After about 3-5 minutes, the cashier kid appears with a bag for the group camped out at the PICK UP window. Just as they start to pay (for the prescription(s) and their groceries), out of nowhere this jackass appears and stands so close to them I thought he must be yet another member of their party.

No, oh no. He was there to pick up HIS prescriptions.

I'm seething. Do you not see me here with my cart, standing a polite distance from the counter??

To make it worse, the peanut gallery -- the people seated and waiting for prescriptions -- are watching this transpire and are getting a real kick out of it.

Oh, it's not over.

After the jackass gets his drugs and is on his way, the kid calls a member of the peanut gallery to come up because their prescription is ready.

Grrr. But this only annoys me because of everything that's already happened. They were, after all, there before me.

Finally, I get to the counter and mutter my last name. "Do you have any questions for the pharmacist today?" HA! Questions? Questions, you say? No, no questions, just a RANT.

Hillbilly graffiti
Charleston has a full-time graffiti "eradicator" on staff (mostly likely NOT a permalink -- only version I can find online). When I heard these news reports today, I got a little excited, thinking to myself, "Now, there! That's what my next career can be!" After painting just about all of the interior of my house, I consider myself pretty handy with a brush and/or roller.

Oh, I can also do the faux treatments with sponges! Now, wouldn't that look nice on a Charleston wall? "Hey, what the...that used to say F*** John, but now it has texture and depth!"

But, no, it seems proper training to eradicate graffiti is a background in high school coaching (a background in coaching, I guess, would likely render one immune to the vulgarities one might encounter in graffiti). Yet another career out of my reach.

Mothman Fest
Bill Geist of the CBS Sunday Morning Show visited Pt. Pleasant for the recent Mothman Festival that featured the aforementioned unveiling of the Mothman statue, as well as Mothman t-shirts, a hayride through the area that generated the most Mothman sightings, and numerous other things, including bags of "Mothman droppings" (some kind of chocolate balls resembling malted milk balls). Geist's segment aired today.

In other moth news, Lucille is having quite a great time catching the late season moths. I wonder what she would think of the Mothman.

Pesky crystal finery
The Capitol chandelier has been causing problems. This is the very reason I have a $9 lamp from IKEA. I find two-ton chandeliers are just too unwieldy, don't you?

Mothman cometh
A 10-ft. Mothman statue now greets visitors to Pt. Pleasant in Mason County. Coincidentally, the sculptor's last name is Roach.

I have the childish desire to have my photo taken with the big mothman -- and I didn't even like the movie (incessant ringing of the phone grated on my nerves).

A sad day - another piece of home gone
This morning I had to take our 15-year-old dog to the emergency clinic to be put to sleep. She suddenly became very ill, and I couldn't imagine having her suffer an entire day to see her regular vet. It was a terrible experience, of course. I vowed after the last time I had to do that I would never be present for the "procedure" again, but I couldn't leave her to be with strangers, not after she had been such a loyal companion to us for so many years.

I know the passing of 15-year-old dog should not tear me up so much. Somehow, this was the last of a few links to the way my family used to be, back when my mom was living. She was with us for nearly half of my life; I don't even remember what it's like to go home and not have her there, thrilled to see me come through the door. And there was something very special about this dog. We've had many, but this one was by far the most intelligent and in tune with people -- almost eerily so.

WV Food
I've updated the WV food post (direct link also in column to the right under Misc. Rants, Info) with info from Michelle on the Morgantown & Fairmont area, and another of my favorites in the Buckhannon/Elkins area.

Hillbilly rant: You're perky, I'm not -- it's that simple
I was, it seems, born with a permanently sour expression. Oh, sure, I smile quite a bit, but whenever I'm of a neutral mood, my facial expression must communicate : "I WANT TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!" I do, in fact, wish to rip off heads occasionally, and when that time comes, you will know it by more than my facial expression.

All my life I've had people say, "SMILE! CHEER UP!" Sometimes I was sad. But a majority of the time I was just going about my business, doing mundane every day chores, behind the mask of my, apparently, malformed face.

First of all, I think it's horribly rude to go up to someone and say, "SMILE! IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD!" How the hell do you know? Maybe it is indeed "that bad."

Complete strangers who do this completely baffle me. What do they think they're accomplishing? Do they think I'm going to have an epiphany and think, "By golly, this smelly, unshaven man in KMart has a good point. It's NOT that bad!" Instead, they incite a rage in me that produces, I'm assuming, an even WORSE facial expression.

I'm reminded of this pet peeve because recently a new person did this several days in a row. I see her occasionally, but she certainly doesn't know me, other than my job duties. What's more, she only met me for the first time a little over a month ago.

The other day I walked into the room where she was standing, and the second she laid eyes on me she exclaimed, loud enough for everyone to hear, "CHEER UP! OH MY GOSH, SHE ALWAYS HAS A LOOK ON HER FACE LIKE SHE'S SO NOT HAPPY TO BE HERE! WHAT'S WRONG??"

It's my damn face, that's what's wrong. The truth is, I was deep in thought trying to remember what the heck it was I'd walked down to that office to do. Who do you think you are - the world expert on the facial expressions and moods of S?

So, then, everyone stares at me as if they're awaiting an explanation of my face and its expression. What am I to say? "I'm glad you brought that up, Miss X, because I was just thinking how much fun it would be to share my innermost feelings and thoughts with you and these other simpletons I hardly know. Let me start back in first grade when I was too fat to wear the regulation Brownie uniform..."

(Good grief, Geraldo is still standing on the NC coast...)

Instead, I said nothing. I don't feel these morons deserve any sort of explanation, not even a "gee, Miss X, I'm not a bit unhappy -- sorry for looking that way" or a "Oh, I'm coming down with a cold - maybe that's it."

Mind your own damn business unless you're my close personal friend -- and if that's the case, then you've suffered enough and are allowed to say whatever you want to me.

Isabel
Oh thank goodness - Geraldo is stationed on the NC coastline. First the Taliban, then Saddam, and now he's tracking down Isabel. If you're a hurricane, you know you're big time if Geraldo comes to the coast and awaits your arrival. He predicted the Delmarva peninsula was in for a "tremendous blow" (in addition to the hurricane?!?).

Metronews reported today that artifacts at Harper's Ferry, at the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac rivers, are being moved to higher ground.

My dad is fretting about the eastern panhandle's apple crop.

And I, well, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't seem to get into crisis mode. After getting two and half feet of snow on President's Day weekend and then torrential downpour after torrential downpour all summer long, I just feel resigned to whatever's going to happen.

I did, however, work until after dark on stage one of my fence project in order to complete it before the rain starts tomorrow. Yes, it's done, and it is the most beautiful post & rail fence I've ever seen (only because I did all of the labor myself and, therefore, can convince myself of anything).

Hillbilly sports
Pick up the Sept. 22 Sports Illustrated to read a 5-page feature on the Mountain State. An article in today's Daily Mail gives a preview.
Yes, it seems the word hillbillies does appear in the story: In the feature piece, SI writer Chris Ballard chronicles the struggles between the old and the new at the gorge and throughout the state. He writes that the state "has long been caricatured as a land of moonshine and hillbillies, and more than a few residents are distrustful of outsiders." (from Daily Mail story)

Ballard scores bonus points for use of both moonshine and hillbillies -- however, I don't see anything wrong with the statement. WV certainly has been characterized in that manner, and, sure, some residents are distrustful of "ferners" -- considering the state's history, perhaps some wariness of outsiders is warranted.

Lynchlines: Rich from Ohio is the WINNER!
Um, sorry, there's no prize, other than confirmation of your prophetic powers. In case you haven't already heard, Diane Sawyer has landed the first Jessica Lynch interview. It will be aired on Veterans' Day. And Rich from Ohio predicted it all on April 7.

He also suggested that "Katie, Babs, Diane and any other contenders perform feats of strength and/or agility (arm wrestling perhaps?) to secure the interview." No word on whether that contest occurred, but I can imagine Diane pumping her fists in the air after having just slammed Katie's puny forearm down on the table.

Food, glorious WV food
Thursday, Sept. 18 Update
Here are Michelle's reviews of WV food:

Morgantown
Madeline's - Excellent food but the absolute worst service you can imagine. As long as you go in expecting a rude, surly waiter, and a long wait, you're fine and able to enjoy the food, which is fantastic.

Puglioni's - One of my favorites. Italian, and the owner went to the CIA (Culinary Institute of America). The BEST bread ever. Michael loves the French Fry salad. I like the Veggie Hoagie and the Spinach/Cheese calzone. The Shrimp Scampi is also very good but the garlic is almost overwhelming. They also have the best side salads. YUM! Plus we've always had excellent service. Oh my gosh, the bread -- it's divine. Definitely agree on that. Back when I ate pasta, I used to love getting their pesto pasta.

Boston Beanery - Food is only okay, except for the Seafood Chowder, which I love. I get the soup/salad combo. . I love the fries. There's also a Boston Beanery at the mall in Uniontown, Pa.

Maxwell's - Used to be my favorite, things went downhill for a period of years, but I've heard things are looking up. Mushroom burger was what I ordered every single time. That and spinach and cheese balls. They have a HUGE vegetarian selection, but stuff for carnivores as well.

Mediterranean Deli - We started going to Ali Baba's when he opened his restaurant in Westover, and would go there regularly. I loved the Vegetarian Salad platter. The deli is good, but not quite the same. I love the falafel platter at the Med Deli.

Kassar's - We only went once, but the food was excellent. VERY good. We got the buffet. Went here once and didn't like the food, but I love the little rocery store beside the restaurant. It's a great place to buy imported food.

Pryme Thyme - I have friends who loved the food here, but since they don't have a huge vegetarian selection, I am less thrilled. It's not bad though.

Sammy's Italian Deli - Very good Italian food and sandwhiches, but I prefer Pugs.

Fairmont
Muriale's - Fantastic Italian restaurant. I always get the Sicilian Spaghetti. PLUS they have excellent Tiramisu. Mmmmm.....

There is a hole in the wall Mexican place at the mall in Fairmont. Can't remember the name at all, but the food is very good. *Excellent* vegetarian fajitas.

My Buckhannon/Elkins food pick
CJ Maggie's - It was the place to go when I lived in Buckhannon. I've been to the Elkins restaurant only once, but the food seemed the same as the one in Buckhannon. I used to order the Codzilla sandwich (OK, I admit it was partly because of the name). I've also had the calzones, nachos and tomato-cheese bread. Reading the unique names on the menu and studying the whimsical decor is half the fun of CJ Maggie's.

Tuesday, Sept. 16
Food, glorious WV food
I'm horribly tardy in posting the response to my query about the best restaurants in WV. Carolina sent me her favorites in the Morgantown area:

"My favorite restaurant in Morgantown is Black Bear -- the food is very good, plus they now have bear paw prints on the floor." I've been to this one, too. When a friend of mine took me there, I was very skeptical, because I'm not into wraps, their specialty. I ordered the "feta fetish" with chicken and was pleasantly surprised.

"I also like this little Greek restaurant (note: I think the name is Nick's Canteen) a block from the 'Lair. I think it's on High Street and the street after Willey. The place looks like it should be condemned, but the food is good, especially their gyros."

"Last, but not least, I also would have to vote for the Daily Grind which is on Willey St. Wonderful sandwiches where I spent many an afternoon. The only caveat: don't be disappointed if the place is closed in the middle of the day."

My fond food memories
I probably wouldn't send the Food Network there or anything, but one of my fondest food memories in WV dates back to my years in Buckhannon when I used to treat myself occasionally to a turkey sub from a little place called Rol-Star. I was at that time in the midst of a turkey sub phase. I ordered them everywhere I went - Subway, the Kroger deli. I suppose you could say I was a bit of a turkey sub connoisseur.

I don't know what it was that made the Rol-Star turkey sub supreme. Taken individually, the components were quite ordinary: your average sliced deli turkey, cheese (I think it was provolone, but maybe it was white American), tomato, a giant mound of shredded lettuce, and about half a cup of mayo. All of this was on a sub roll that was a little different than most because it had a hard crust. Another thing that made it different was the placement of the mayo. Most subs, I think, usually have the mayo on the bread itself, but, if I'm remembering correctly, Rol-Star put the turkey and cheese directly on the bread and then slathered the mayo inside. Therefore, when you ate the sub, the mayo squeezed out right in the middle. (my eyes are glazing over...)

Another great thing about Rol-Star was they'd deliver. So, I could sit there in my pajamas and wait for "the Rol-Star guy" (I still remember his face!) to bring the food to my door.

(cue the mournful violin music)

It's been at least 8 years since I had a Rol-Star turkey sub. In fact, I don't even know if the little store & restaurant is still in business.

What's that degree worth in WV?
Here's an interesting graphic on salaries by level of education in various WV regions. If you have a four-year college degree or more, the Kanawha Valley is the place to be. However, if you didn't finish high school, head to the eastern panhandle. Here's the accompanying story.

Day two of operation build-a-fortress-around-the-yard
Unfortunately, I don't have the energy or money to build an actual fortress, but I'm still daydreaming about it.

Yesterday I set out two large shrubs and two large clumps of ornamental grass along what I plan to be the fence line (about $50 total, sale-priced). I also managed to get the first fence post in the ground. I'm really proud of myself for digging the holes by hand, without a post-hole digger.

OK, so picture it. Along one edge of my yard - the one by the alley - I have the four big plants/shrubs and one fence post. The plants are spaced out to cover almost the full length of the property. I thought that itself might keep people out, in case they naively thought the yard was a vacant lot that I'd been mowing all summer just for sport.

While I was standing out in the yard (after dark), the clue deprived dog walker (the one who allowed the dog to poop in the yard while I was mowing) came down the alley allowing her exuberant puppy to run wild at the end of the fully extended retractable leash. The dog, of course, ran into my yard. Instead of pulling the dog back to the alley, Miss Clueless instead let the dog drag the lease through two of the four bushes. Thank goodness, the beast darted between 2nd & 3rd plants and left the yard. Otherwise, I'm sure she wouldn't have thought twice about yanking the leash through all four. I just stood there dumbfounded. There's no chance she didn't see them. There's a street light right above, and the plants are at least 3 ft. above the ground.

I suppose I should have said something, but what? "Excuse me, would you mind not tearing up my shrubs?" Oh, I'm sure she would have complied with that request. Somehow, I think someone that rude is probably beyond that.

So, tonight I worked harder on the fence, determined that I was going to get at least some of the rails up. Three posts down, four to go.

Under the weather
My yard improvement plans for the weekend have been foiled by the cold/flu-like malady that's going around. I spent most of the day curled up on the couch, listening through my (perhaps) fevered sleep to Hoppy's radio show and half-dreaming that I heard the booming voice of A. James Manchin, only to realize that in fact I was not dreaming and A. James had called in to Hoppy's Friday "steam release" half hour to announce he will run again for the House of Delegates. It was unclear to me how that was a release of steam, but maybe it's just because I'm ill.

Of course, Lucille decided this was the one day out of the year that she wanted to be an affectionate cat. For her, that means sleeping on top of me and occasionally kneading the blanket. Today she did something I hadn't seen her do for about a year -- she attempted to nurse while she was kneading the blanket. There's something disconcerting about having an animal trying to suckle at the back of your knee, even if it's through a blanket.

No child's left behind shall go ungroped
In case you're wondering what's been going on at St. Mary's High School, an article in today's Daily Mail will bring you up to speed: School sex accusations rock town

Forecast: light blogging
I'm in the midst of some home improvement projects at the moment which are requiring much of my free time. I'm not doing all of the work myself, but, because I'm nuts, I feel compelled to clean my house before every contractor comes in to give me an estimate. I know that's silly. I'm sure they're not checking the bookshelves for dust, and I know they don't care if I get my artwork up on the wall. Yet, I have to trouble myself with these things. Sigh...

And then there are several projects I have going outside that consume the precious hours of daylight I have after work (and before Lowe's closes...must not go to the Lowe's garden center, must not go to the Lowe's garden center, must not...oh, it's no use).

Letter from Iraq
A letter from a WV (Poca) native serving in Iraq appears in the Daily Mail today. The sgt. is now in Kirkuk.

Darn gawkers
The new Corridor D section opened in the Parkersburg area yesterday and, as you might expect, people are eager to gawk at the new road...while they're driving. A DOH spokesman offers this sage advice in an article appearing in the Parkersburg News: "People want to look around at their new surroundings and are not paying attention to signs and new traffic lights. The best thing motorists can do is watch where they are going and pay attention to the new signs and those who are traveling around them....They can look around and enjoy the view, later."

Abandoned Animal Naming Trend?
Amy in Va. wrote to tell that while she lived in WV she "hit the abandoned dog trifecta" (oh how I wish I could claim that phrase as my own). The first dog jumped into her car at a gas station. The other two she found along the highway and subsequently named them after the locales in which they were found. One of her friends also found a dog along the highway and named the dog accordingly -- after the nearest exit.

All of this reminds me of a cat named "Interstate" I was once offered by a neighbor right after moving to this town. They had found the cat -- you guessed it -- by the interstate and were trying to find its owner or a new home for it.

Only once did I pick up an animal that was dodging traffic. I took it home and put it on a chain in the yard, but the dog evidently was a free spirit and broke the chain and had vanished by morning. So, I was spared the opportunity to name the poor animal.

On dogs, excrement and rude, irresponsible people
I have long thought imbeciles or criminally rude people should not be permitted to have pets.

As I was mowing (push mower, no luxurious riding mower here) the large, open back yard portion of my property, one of the residents from up the street allowed his/her dog to defecate in my yard, in the very section of yard I was mowing. It wasn't like the dog dashed over into my yard and pooped immediately, before the owner could regain control of the animal. No, the dog took a leisurely stroll, looking for just the right spot, while the owner stood on the street gawking.

Now, what enrages me most is this is the SECOND time this has happened while I was mowing the grass -- and it wasn't even the same rude neighbor! The other neighbor stood on his/her porch smoking a cigarette while the animals ran over to my yard to take a dump (of course, they're not on a leash -- they never are). Nary a tree or bush was obstructing the neighbor's view of both my mowing the yard and his/her dogs using same yard as their private bathroom.

Now, I am a dog lover, and I've walked plenty of dogs in my day, so I know that occasionally the unexpected happens while walking a dog. You know, when you think there's no chance Fido is going to do any "big stuff" so there's no reason to take the plastic bag. But if my dog pooped in someone else's yard -- while they were mowing the yard! -- I would walk a few yards up to my house and get a bag and clean up the mess.

I suppose I should just be happy that this individual had the dog on a leash. That in itself is an oddity around this neighborhood, where many dogs just run free.

The thing is, if they'd come over after I moved in and had said, "Gee, you know, my dog really likes romping in your yard. Would that be OK?" I would most likely have said, "Sure, just clean up. No problem." But now I have visions of privacy fences dancing in my head.

I know, I know, in the grand scheme of things, this is just a minor thing. It's certainly not as bad as evil people who move and leave their animal(s) to roam the neighborhood or countryside. Yes, I have known at least one case of this.

It's also not as bad as irresponsible people who allow their dogs to have litter after litter of unwanted puppies, only to take the puppies and leave them in someone else's yard. When I was growing up, we averaged a dog or cat PER SUMMER being left at our house. I suspect some of the dogs were dumped by the same people, a few years a part, because we ended up with a collection of black and white, Border Collie-like dogs very much resembling each other:
Exhibit A (age 15)
Exhibit B (age 13)
Exhibit C (age 9)
Exhibit D (age 8)

OK, Exhibit D is a stretch, I admit, but his coloring is very collie-like, so perhaps he's just a little more mixed than the others. And keep in mind, these are just the ones still living. Others we had to take to the humane society, some we found other homes for, and some lived with us until passing on to that happy hunting ground in the sky.

People who cannot care for animals (feed, get vaccinations for, and spay/neuter) should suck it up and take the animals to the local shelter THEMSELVES instead of burdening others. There is NO excuse. There are low-cost spay and neuter programs. There are rescue organizations. Don't give me some excuse about people not having enough money. We didn't have a lot of money to take care of discarded animals, but we did. If nothing else, we drove the animals to the shelter (no small chore, considering the shelter was about 45 min. away). I guarantee these losers who claim to not have enough money have a satellite dish or cable TV, or some other sort of entertainment budget. There's just no excuse for this and for so many other things people do.

Whew...

By the way, here's an article on "Next-door Nasties" that was in the Sunday Gazette-Mail yesterday.

Pursegate continued
Mark Oct. 10 on your calendar. That's when girls at Herbert Hoover High can start carrying purses to class again -- IF they prove between now and then that they can quit smoking in the bathrooms, follow the dress code, etc.

Other randomness from today
The odd, odd pizza-delivery-man-turned-bank-robber death
This is one of the most bizarre stories I've ever heard, and it just keeps getting more bizarre. It's the kind of thing that if you wrote it as a short story and turned it in as an assignment for a creative writing class, you'd be blown out of the water (so to speak) for being completely unrealistic. I heard one of the deceased's friends telling a TV reporter something like, "He was totally unconcerned about money. He avoided work as much as possible." Yet another thing I don't particularly care to have said about me after I die.

The Wells v. WV Media Holdings situation
WBOY TV anchor Erik Wells is now suing the station for not allowing him to continue working while his wife, Natalie Tennant, runs for Secretary of State.

"The Best of" does the Mountain State
Food Network's Jill Cordes is doing a five-day culinary tour of WV. Cordes is co-host of "The Best of," and, yes, I've watched the show before. Once they featured an Italian restaurant the Alpbilly and I had previously visited in Niagara Falls, NY.

Anyway, she's in WV, and, according to this article in the Gazette today, Cordes worked with the WV Division of Tourism and the Greenbrier County Convention & Visitors Bureau to find places to visit. Here's where they sent her:

Food and Friends in Lewisburg (I think)

The Moxie Cafe in Union (Monroe County)

The Greenbrier in White Sulphur Springs (Greenbrier County)

Smokey's on the Gorge in Lansing (Fayette County)

The Pence Springs Hotel in (you guessed it) Pence Springs (Summers/Monroe County -- on the map I have it appears to be right on the line)

The General Lewis Inn in Lewisburg

Unfortunately, I've never been to any of those restaurants. In fact, it occurs to me that I've not dined very extensively in West Virginia. So...what is your favorite restaurant in WV? (please, do not tell me Red Lobster -- I like Red Lobster, too, but I'm looking for non-chain restaurants)

Not just roosters, but roosters on steroids
I told you roosters can be annoying. People in Raleigh County are sick and tired of hearing roosters -- roosters on steroids no less (I'm imagining a really brawny Foghorn Leghorn) -- crowing the whole darn day, so the county commission is considering adjusting the noise ordinance, which originally targeted yappy dogs.

Hiatus
Blogging will cease until at least Tuesday night while I take an extended Labor Day break.

Bucky Love
I know it's wrong, especially since Wisconsin just beat WV in football, but I have a crush on the badger (read the background - they used to have a live badger but it kept escaping). I love the badger mascot's flat head -- awwwwwww, isn't it sweet? I think I have a soft spot for badgers, which I realize are vicious animals, because of the Frances children's books (e.g. Bedtime for Frances) that were my childhood favorites.

Pursegate
The Brooklyn Hillbilly often complains that WV women won't go anywhere without their purses. I submit this is more of a female thing than a WV female thing. Anyway, this is what happens when you try to keep WV teens from carrying their purses to class (yes, I read the story and I do know there are other issues, but the purse part intrigues me).
Earlier this week, Jones (the principal) sparred with students during an assembly to announce the purse ban and other new restrictions. Several girls heckled him, asking him whether he expected them to wear tampons behind their ears at school, students said.

And some parents agree and have joined the fracas: "It's ridiculous what's going on," Wiley said. "To tell my daughter she can't carry a purse. That doesn't make sense."

Bath Bake Sale
Need some cookies? Brownies? How about a pie? Oh come on, it's all for a good cause! The town of Bath is considering a yard sale and bake sale to help pay its debt.
'
If they do this and it turns out to be successful, it could become a model for the entire state. Workers' Comp in trouble? CUPCAKES! PEIA going down the tubes? BROWNIES!

Heck, let's make it one big state-wide yard/bake sale. Buckhannon and Upshur County already do a town- or county-wide yard sale. Expand that to the whole state! Perhaps every county could have a food specialty. Mason County Mothman hot wings...Braxton County Monster Burgers...Preston County - well, I think you know - Buckwheat Cakes. People could just drive from county to county eating (and spending $$$) all weekend.

OK, so it's no Cabela's...

Today's randomness
* I really like the tone of this column in the Daily Mail.

* James Carville & Terry McAuliffe will be in Charleston for a fundraiser. The Brooklyn Hillbilly and I once attended what we thought was going to be a debate of sorts featuring Carville and his wife, Mary Matlin. What a disappointment. (I hope I'm remembering this correctly, BH) We had envisioned one of the fiery exchanges you'll occasionally see between the two of them on TV, like on Meet the Press. Welllllllll, it turned out to be much more civil. One got up and spoke at the podium, and then the other got up and spoke at the other podium. Oh, it was cool to see two famous people somewhat up-close, but, well, the BH and I had our hearts set on a big cat fight.

Honorable Discharge
If you've been without power for the last couple of hours (entirely possible with the storms passing through), perhaps you didn't hear/see that JL was honorably discharged. Otherwise, I'm sure you've already heard all about it.

*UPDATE*
Thurs., Aug. 28 - IMHO, the best follow-up on this story is in today's Herald Dispatch.

Hillbilly smut update
The Brooklyn Hillbilly is going to be irate to hear this, but, anyway, the Lewisburg couple pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to mail obscene material and conspiracy to use the Internet for the purpose of sale and distribution of obscene material. In case you don't remember, these are the entrepreneurs who were selling (and, if I remember correctly, making) videos of "graphic and sexually explicit scenes of defecation and urination."

* Clarification * The Brooklyn Hillbilly wishes to make it known that while he's very much pro Internet porn and civil rights, he is not necessarily fond of "explicit scenes of defecation and urination."

The Daily Mail reported a little over a week ago that it might happen, but now it's official: former news anchor Natalie Tennant has thrown her (coonskin) hat in the race for Secretary of State (thanks to Google for locating that dandy image).

I don't know NT, besides having watched her do the news. Still, it excites me that someone new is entering politics. So often the elections in WV seem to me to be just a reshuffling of life-long politicians -- Mr. A goes from the house of delegates to the senate, Mr. B goes from Senate to auditor, Ms. C goes from state legislature to congress, etc.

Another interesting part of her run for Sec. of State is that she should have name recognition in both the northern and southern parts of the state. Often, candidates are known solely in either the north or the south, but not both. NT has to her advantage working on the WCHS morning show (based in Charleston) for several years, plus she worked at WBOY in Clarksburg for the last year and is a Marion County native. Very interesting.

No word on whether she'll be wearing buckskin and firing a musket at campaign rallies.

Bootylicious
This has nothing to do with WV, but I can't let this monumental day for the English language pass without comment. The Oxford English Dictionary has added a host of lovely words, such as bootylicious, bada bing, one-hit-wonder, blonde moment, popstrels, loved-up, bupkis, culturati, glamazon, and hacktivists. I can honestly say I've never uttered any of these words.

This article includes the following:
Cultural historian professor Peter Stead of the University of Glamorgan accused the dictionary's editors of resorting to "gimmicks" to compete with rivals like Collins....He said, "There is fierce competition between the dictionaries now and I think they look for gimmicks in order to get the headlines..."

Like bootylicious.

Here's another article on the new words in USA Today. And this one has a little to say about apostrophes and hyphens (or should that be apostrophe's and hyphen's? -- hehe)

Some perspectives on carrying wads of cash in WV
Bob writes to explain why someone in southern West Virginia might not have confidence in banks -- The First National Bank of Keystone (see here and numerous other documents). OK, you've got me there. As a northerner, I admit Keystone's demise is not something I think of often.

Other good points Bob made: yard sales and flea markets don't take cash, and there's no paper trail with cash transactions so they're normally untaxed. "Maybe you lose your pants once in a while, that's better than losing every year on April 15th." (hehe...that's a great line)

OK...let's see if it works tonight. Here's what I was TRYING to post Friday:

Wow - a big thank you to Amy who sent me not just and e-mail, but actual images! Thank goodness, because I've had a nasty headache all day and wasn't feeling very creative. Here's what she writes:
Realizing that your coverage of the coverage of Jessica Lynch's return may be over, may I offer the Latino angle? One of our local Spanish-language weekly newspapers announced "Female Rescued in Iraq Falls into the Arms of an Hispanic" and "Hispanic Sergeant Captures Jessica Lynch's Heart."





To think that if she had returned home with a non-Latino boyfriend, D.C.'s Hispanic population might never have known she was back in Virginia Occidental.

BAH! Amy sent me some images to post, but I can't get them to show up here. And now I see that the flood picture isn't showing up any more either. Grrrrrrr. My head hurts. I quit. I'm taking off. Sorry. I will try again Sunday when I'm more able (I hope) to concentrate.

So I was wrong about the local media losing interest in the sniper story (e.g. this story in USA Today).

Another hillbilly with a load of cash
OK, this is part three in the series of stories about West Virginians carrying around loads of cash. First was the guy in Williamstown with thousands in cash stowed in the trunk of his car. Then there was Mr. Powerball and his Pink Pony incident. And now there's this guy who had $7,600 in his PANTS, and, as the luck of cash-laden hillbillies goes, his pants were stolen.

Here's what the AP story (NOT a permalink) said:

Someone apparently slipped into (Bascam) Horn's home through and unlocked door and stole the loot while the Bradshaw man was sleeping.

Horn says he had about 76-hundred dollars in cash in the pocket of the pants -- which he had hung on a chair when he went to bed at about 10 pm Tuesday night.

In the version of the story I linked to above, the 86-year-old man, in a direct quote, twice refers to his pants as his "britches." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

*UPDATE*
Pants thief!
More on the pants theft story. I swear I'm not making this up:

Theft of pants is not uncommon in the area, said McDowell County Commissioner Burl Laxton.

"That happens around here all the time," Laxton said this morning. "I'm not pulling your leg. There was a guy who lived right below him who had his pants stolen, too. Somebody's a pants stealer."

Laxton recommended citizens exercise common sense precautions to protect their pants.

Um, if people are carrying around $7,600 in cash, can you really blame the pants thief/thieves??

*UPDATE #2*
The Brooklyn Hillbilly sends the following comments on the subject:

Bascom Horn??!! Burl Laxton ???!! Holy s*** --- we are apparently, for real, trapped in a Faulker novel - or Flannery O'Connor/Eudora Welty. Where are these yahoos getting all that money?? Why don't they put it in a bank? or safe? or, sweet f***, under a mattress? --- It would seem so physically inconvenient to have $7,600 dollars in one's pocket -- I mean, that's 76 $100 bills - that's quite a wad right there.

Manglings
Yes, more. Sorry, I got behind in posting these. Some actually were sent yesterday.

Obits
Michelle wrote to point out an obit that was in the Dominion Post yesterday. This is the first time I've ever seen the general time of death mentioned (I think).
The first line included: "...died with great dignity just before midnight." As Michelle notes, the rest of the obit is actually quite nice and well-written.

Darn hillbillies and all their trucks -n- guns
BAHHHH! Now the AP starts with the "oh, all those rednecks are gun-toting pick-up drivers" bit.

Sniper Hunt Hindered by W. Virginia's Penchant for Rifles, Pickups
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Rifles and pickups go together in West Virginia, so finding a sniper suspect driving a flatbed Ford in the hills and valleys around the capital is a difficult task -- at best.

Sure, it definitely would be easier to find the sniper if no one else in the whole state had a pick-up truck or a gun, but in how many states would that be possible? I think there are quite a few states where there are a lot of pick-ups.

Kanawha County Sheriff's Deputy: "It would have been more beneficial to us if it had been an uncommon weapon and an uncommon vehicle."

Hmmm, maybe a guy with a tar arn (tire iron) driving a purple Hummer? Oh dear, I'm starting to get ideas for a new version of Clue. (It was Billie Bob with a tar arn in the lieberry (library)!)

Amy sent me a good article in the Washington Post today. It's about West Virginia and the recent stories we've had in the media (from Lynch & the Wise-Macia affair to the current sniper issue).

Lynchlines
JL's every move is still under close scrutiny. I'd really hate if all of my medical appointments merited AP coverage.

Another AP story released today told the tale of a NY couple who met JL during the sightseeing tour of Palestine:

George Deno tells the Plattsburgh Press-Republican that he drove right up to the home of Lynch's parents, who had sent away the police security detail.

Lynch's father Gregory came out and invited the Denos inside to meet Jessica, who was sitting in a wheelchair.

The Denos posed for pictures with her, and later the retired dairy farmers sent the Lynches a box with maple syrups, maple candy, jams and T-shirts from the family's upstate restaurant."

So now that this story is circulated everywhere, and everyone will know that the "security detail" has been sent away. That's just great. Way to go, George. And nice job giving every nimrod in the world the idea of driving up the yard. I hope there's some kind of security still lingering in the area.

Here's the story in the Plattsburgh paper.

A few highlights:

In fact, he said, laughing, the road curves back upon itself so much, you almost expect to meet yourself somewhere along the way.

Oh wahhhh.

(about the road to the Lynch house) "Once in a while, there was a little spot where you could pull over if you met another car," said Carolyn, who begged George to turn back, terrified they’d fall off the side of the mountain.

OK, you guys should never, EVER try to drive up to Spruce Knob. I think you need to just stick to the interstates.

Peacefully answering the Master's call
OK, maybe I shouldn't complain so much about WV obituaries. Amy in VA sent me a link to today's obits on The Daily Press (Hampton, VA) Web site. Please, please do tell anyone in WV these death euphemisms that appear there:
"passed on to glory"
"answered the Master's call peacefully"
"entered into Jesus' loving arms"

The not-so-random sniper
OK, so now they're saying at least two of the sniper killings weren't random. And they're exploring a link to drugs -- some sort of link. I think this will end the national media interest. It was a "sexy" story when the killings seemed random and "just like the DC sniper." But killings or even drug related killings -- well, that's just too run of the mill to keep MSNBC and FoxNews in Charleston indefinitely. Just my guess.

Another day, another mangling
Yup, even more manglings added to the list.

Today's sniper snippets
Back in the good old days, we hanged our mass murderers (and hiked uphill through waist-deep snow both to and from school)
In his daily commentary posted on the MetroNews site, Hoppy Kercheval gives a little history about WV mass murderers. Very interesting stuff.

And then there were 10
The AP is reporting that authorities have narrowed the tips to 10 solid leads, and they're exploring a link to the sale and use of drugs in the Campbells Creek area. A resident is quoted as saying: "Pills and meth and the hard stuff has swept through here just over the last couple of years."

But you're still selling ammo, right?
I suppose it's a nice gesture, but is it really going to help anyone that the Nitro and South Charleston Wal-Marts have pulled the "sniper-style video games" Halo and Grand Theft Auto Vice City from the shelves?

If they wanted to perform a real public service, they would take the plus-size cartoon t-shirts out of their inventory. As an almost-lifelong plus-sized person, I can honestly say I've not once considered it a wise, girth-conscious move to don a t-shirt bearing a giant image of Tweety Bird. Moreover, I found it insulting that someone thought I might want to wear a larger-than-life image of Tweety or Taz. Ugh -- don't even get me started on plus-size clothing.
(Note - should that be plus-size or plus-sized? I'm counting on grammar consultant Chris in DE to let me know.)