Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Merry Christmas, Happy Hardscrabble Holidays
Right.
Well, it's fun to dream about anyway.
And oh yeah, my New Year's resolutions are to blog more, read more, work-out more, and take more pictures -- but not at the same time.
Till 2007, my blog friends!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Missing MP3 Battery = Death
More phones, more wrong numbers
About 85% of the calls I've received on my cell phone have been wrong numbers. Yep, now I have yet another avenue to receive misdirected calls. I am SO happy about that.
But Friday I got a brand new thrill -- a misdirected text message!
This was noteworthy for a couple of reasons.
For one, it was the first indication I had that I could send or receive text messages.
Second, the content of the message was somewhat fun -- something like: "No more messages for wknd. Wife has cell till Sunday."
Hmmmmmmm. Could be completely innocent. Or not.
I debated over what to do.
Write back?
Let it go?
I chose the latter, mainly for fear of racking up additional charges to the employer's cell.
So, dear text messager, I apologize for any marital problems my decision may have been caused.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Xmas Indeed in St. Albans
*12/5/06 Update*
Jesus has arrived at the display.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Hillbilly S Makes Great Technology Strides in '06
Since I'm not including a fascinating year-in-review newsletter in my Christmas cards this year, I thought I should let you know my major accomplishments of the year.
By then end of December, I will have:
- a cell phone
- an iPod
- DSL
Yes, for me, this is big. Yeah, I also got a new digital camera, too, but I have pretty consistently been willing to fork out cash for cameras, so that's not earth-shattering.
What's really cool about the three items above is I'm only paying for the DSL -- the other two were free.
Now, I don't want to go overboard, but I'm thinking that by the end of 2007, I might just have my very own electric clothes dryer!*
*Ok, to be fair, I have a clothes dryer in the basement that runs, but it's ca. 1950, and I'm too terrified of its energy consumption and fire-starting capabilities to use it.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Bad News for Preston Coyotes
A dead coyote in Preston County: $25.
Maybe. Here's an article that appeared today saying the coyote bounty would be discussed. I thought I heard this evening on the radio that the measure was approved, but I haven't been able to find any confirmation online.
Club Hardscrabble Welcomes Romania, Party of 23 Million
The article's about the movie Borat, which reminds me -- how did WV not get made fun of in that movie? Is it possible the producers didn't get the memo about the obligatory Appalachia slam that must be included in such films? Or perhaps I just haven't heard about that yet, with so many other parties offended by their portrayal.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Chance Remarks - How I Came to Hate My Teeth
My dreadful teeth caused my mom a great deal of anxiety, though, and she realized my crooked teeth would not help me in life. I had an operation that was supposed to remove something (I was a kid - I don't remember) and allow my front teeth to go together naturally.
ha.
That didn't work.
I wound up getting braces really early, and I had them for eons. And then the festive retainer after that. We're talking years of teeth annoyance and discomfort.
So, when the braces finally came completely off, and the retainer was gone, I felt free and as if my teeth had been completely fixed. I didn't worry at all about my teeth because I knew they'd been drastically transformed for the better.
Then, one early spring day of my senior year of college, I was in the office of one of the college administrators for a friendly conversation about a completely unrelated topic. I mean, really, why would I go to an administrator to discuss my teeth? Yes, it was completely out of the blue at the end of the conversation when he said, "Can I ask you a personal question?"
My first thought was that he wanted to know if I was related to someone he knew. I had distant relatives in the community, and perhaps he had connected my surname with theirs.
"Sure," I said.
"Do you ever feel self-conscious about your teeth?"
Huh -- my teeth? There's something to be self-conscious about? I spent all this time worrying about my weight and it was my TEETH that I should worry about?!
"No," I replied.
"Good for you!" He said, in a tone you'd use with someone who managed to live a normal life in spite of a horrible disfigurement.
"My daughter's the same way," he continued. "Her teeth are just like yours, with those streaks and discolorations. I've asked her if she wouldn't like to have them fixed and she always says no."
He was a man who probably had the means to fix just about any dental problem that arose in his daughter's life. She should have taken him up on the offer. I'm currently weighing the cost of veneers vs. the cost of fencing in the backyard -- fence? or teeth? (for now, I'm trying the drastically less costly option of Crest Whitestrips)
"Yeah, it's never bothered me," I said, not adding, "up till 2 minutes ago."
He patted my back, we exchanged parting words, and I exited the building, making a beeline for my dorm room. My face burned with embarrassment.
I rushed into the bathroom and switched on all the lights. I stared at my teeth for a long time, discovering that, oh-my-gosh, he was right. I had streaks in my teeth, primarily the top front four teeth. The streaks were noticeably more pronounced depending upon the light (I tried lots of different combinations). I have been obsessed with the streaks since that very day. (mottling appears to be the word of choice to describe these streaks)
Now yes, come to think of it, I did recall my mom inquiring about the streaks on occasion during early childhood visits to dentists, but a decade of orthodontic hell had buried that memory -- until the encounter with the administrator who was the parent of a mottle-toothed daughter.

So now I'm getting ready to try the Whitestrips. I'm not expecting it to really have any effect, but my current dentist said to give it a try because it couldn't hurt.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Median Politics
Political signs placed in the right-of-ways were a big no-no this year, as I mentioned before.
But some people figured out that if they placed signs there last night (or this morning or whenever), their signs would remain throughout the day because the DOH was off work for election day. The most egregious display I saw was the median of Route 705, but there were signs elsewhere, too, and from both political parties.
My voting experience was without incident. I used one of the touch-screen machines. My precinct had at least three of these machines, or maybe even four.
I am still not crazy about voting out in the open. The machines and the sign-in and check-out tables are all in one relatively small space, so you're there with all the poll workers and the people waiting in line with no barrier between you and everyone else. And the poll workers are a jovial lot, so there's conversation and the usual greetings as people they know come in to vote. I know it wasn't possible for anyone to see my screen, but I'd prefer to be enclosed so I could concentrate a little better.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Election Eve
I hope I will find a way to go on.
So, I have done something I’ve never done before: I’ve compiled a list to take to the polling place tomorrow. This can mostly be attributed to my increasingly poor memory, rather than an unusually strong interest in this election.
In previous years, I’ve attempted to educate myself on the candidates in the smaller local races (e.g., county commission and magistrate). The problem was, I’d get in there to vote and I wouldn’t be able to recall the ones I’d intended to vote for. Or I’d go in and find out I’d been looking at candidates from a different district, and the ones presented on my ballot were entirely unknown to me. So I voted for no one.
Well, not this year, by George! Just to be sure, I’m writing down candidates from surrounding counties, just in case they slip a Preston or Marion County ballot in on me. Oh yeah, I’ve got all my bases covered this time.
It’s pretty silly, I suppose, that I worry so much about this when there are probably dead people out there casting votes.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Me and My Trick-or-Treater
She was here last year, too. I’m lucky to get 2 or 3 trick-or-treaters each year, so each one is memorable.
She’s an older girl. I’m guessing between 10 and 13. She travels alone—no siblings in tow or parents waiting at the street. I assume she lives nearby. Or at least I hope so. It seems kind of dangerous for her to be out alone.
This year, 50 minutes of the trick-or-treat hour ticked by without a ring at the doorbell. I started wondering about the older girl and whether she would be out this year. That stage of life was painful for me. There were so many kid things that I loved doing, like trick-or-treat, but at the same time I wanted to be a grown-up. Maybe she’d finally decided she was too old. Maybe her friends at school convinced her it wasn’t cool. Maybe her brothers had teased her.
When the doorbell rang and I saw it was her, I was extra happy. She was enjoying trick-or-treating for one more year, and I wasn’t going to have all of the M&Ms left to eat myself!
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Careful -- don't trip on the crosses as you remove those signs
I'm pleased to see the signs go -- very pleased indeed. I'd be happy as a clam if there were nothing but road signs along the streets and highways. Imagine that!
But the latest media blitz about the danger and illegality of political signs being posted besides roads and at intersections has me scratching my head, because if they're concerned about safety, why not relocate the memorials from the median of Route 50 between Parkersburg & Clarksburg?
Median memorials are even against the DOH's own rules -- read toward the bottom of this page under "Memorials may not be placed." Yes, there is a policy. There's also a form to fill out if you want to place a permanent memorial. And lots of pointers. Quite a bit of time has been put into this subject.
At my last count, there are four median memorials on Route 50 between Parkersburg & Clarksburg, two of which seem especially dangerous and one of those two has been there for at least 2 years.
Once again, I do sympathize with the families and honestly do admire their continued remembrances for their loved ones. Some of these crosses are decorated and redecorated, painted and re-painted. It's obvious that a great deal of time and care is going into them. I just don't think they should be in the median.
(a bit of history on my thoughts on this subject)
Friday, October 13, 2006
Parading
Tonight I attended a parade for the first time in eons. I observed the following:
- It seems to be a requirement that political candidates be accompanied by a small purebred, t-shirt-wearing dog. I have decided I will vote for the first candidate who convinces a border collie to march in a parade with them. Or a cat. If your cat will wear a t-shirt with your campaign logo and walk in a parade, then you definitely have my vote.
- Kids don’t seem too thrilled to get Tootsie Rolls, even if they’re free. Now Mardi Gras-style beads – those are a huge hit. If you’re running for office, invest in some cheap beads, and you’ll be the hit of the parade.
- The middle school marching bands here are as large or larger than the high school band I was in. Yikes.
- There is no shortage of local businesses (i.e., dance schools) eager to teach young girls how to dance like little seductresses.
- Cheers for elementary school cheerleaders have not evolved at all in the last 20 years.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
World's Strongest Man a WVian!
Poor guy. Now you just know everyone in the city will be calling him and asking him to lift heavy objects - "Hey, I got this old truck I need pushed...and oh yeah, my daughter's moving into a new apartment on the 5th floor."
Making 'Lasagna' in the Backyard
I found myself buying a lot of squash and zucchini this summer, so I decided to make a small addition to my small garden using the "lasagna" gardening technique. I'm referring to it as Squash Annex.I used layers of wet cardboard, bagged cow manure (200 lbs. total!), and a bale of straw, and then covered it with a layer of chicken wire to ward off the neighborhood cats. This will "cook" over the winter, and I'll be able to plant in the spring/summer without digging.
Materials cost about $26, with the chicken wire being the biggest single expense. I'd hoped to have enough wire left to make another bed, but I didn't. :(
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
A great place to live, but maybe not for a long time
We rank 46th in longevity at 75.1 years; our unfortunate pals in Mississippi got 50th in this particular study.
Still, the WV counties of McDowell and Logan rank in the top 25 for counties nationwide with the lowest longevity. According to a local TV newscast I heard, Kanawha County had the highest life expectancy in WV.
Friday, September 08, 2006
"Stick Around -- There's More"
Utilization of SUSPENSE.
Or faux suspense.
Something like that.
One group running ads against Alan Mollohan is now ending them with lines like: "Stick around -- there's more," "Betrayed? There's more," etc.
OMG.
I gay-ron-tee you I'm glued to the set to find out what else there is. Screw the new episode of "House", I'm looking for the next ad. What genius!
(The fact that I remember it probably indicates that it is genius.)
And while I'm on the topic of political campaigns, I would like to state for the record that in the last 6 months I have received more answering machine messages from anti-Alan Mollohan organizations than I have from my own family and friend(s). If it weren't for his opponents, I would be one lonely hillbilly.
Brooklyn Hillbilly - I know you aren't getting these in NYC, so you can view the ads here on the group's site, if you dare.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Dog Fight
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Making History
It's probably not a complete coincidence that this story about her exercise routine happened to be published the same day WV was once again receiving recognition for having one of the most obese populations in the U.S. (thank you, Mississippi & Alabama, for helping us stay out of the #1 position).
It will be interesting to see which politician, if any, will claim credit for trimming our waistlines - if indeed our waistlines are ever trimmed.
Don't get me wrong -- I think losing weight, exercising, and eating as healthy as possible is very important. I try to do it myself (despite what you might think based on yesterday's post), and even though it's a pretty big part of my life, I don't particularly care to have any politicians encouraging me to lead a healthier lifestyle. For example, anyone on the list of 50 Most Powerful West Virginians should as a rule refrain from encouraging me to eat healthy and exercise. I would be infinitely pleased if you would simply focus on being powerful and running whatever it is that you're running instead of bothering yourself with my dining habits.
Fix a few of our state's big problems (hmmm, like poverty) and I bet the obesity problem will get better on its own. But I guess it's a lot easier to tell us we shouldn't eat Twinkies and potato chips than to actually come up with a way to address the truly weighty matters facing the state.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Pepperoni Bread

I'm a huge fan of pepperoni rolls, but I'm not much of a cook.
A couple of years ago, I remembered that my mom used to make pepperoni bread using frozen bread dough. I wasn't sure exactly how. I think I finally located a recipe on the internet and that got me started trying to craft my own ultimate pepperoni bread.
This latest batch was the closest I've come to frozen dough pepperoni bread perfection, if indeed there is such a thing.
Here's what it is:
Frozen bread dough - thaw and allow to rise according to package directions; then roll out on a floured surface as thin as you can get it, in the approximate shape of a rectangle
Then layer on the dough:
Grated parmesan cheese
Pepperoni (I use turkey pepperoni)
Dried oregano
Shredded mozzarella cheese (I have used fat free and it works fine)
Roll it up and fold the ends. I usually put the open side down on the cookie sheet (use foil for easy clean up). Brush with beaten egg. Bake at 350 degrees (or whatever it says on the frozen bread package) until dark brown.
The dried oregano was new this time, and I think it does give it a subtle kick that I really like.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Man Brandishes BLENDER
Whilst visiting Ocean City, he first claims to be Osama Bin Laden, and then he brandishes a blender.
Ah yes. A blender, the terrorist's weapon of choice. They'll Frappe you to death, and if that doesn't work, they'll hit the Liquify button.
The second and third words of this news article are "West Virginia."
Perfect.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Kudzu Alert
Today, the Daily Mail ran a story about kudzu taking a greater hold in the Mountain State.
We must fight the invasion! Grab your Round-up and lawn mowers (as the article suggests) and fight this evil demon.
Here's an especially disturbing excerpt from the article:
Kudzu's root systems are much like that of potatoes or other tubers. If left alone, they keep growing and can become large masses weighing several hundred pounds.
Several hundred pounds? OMG - That's what -- the size of a 3rd grader?
Monday, August 21, 2006
Death -- Apparently a Good Business To Be In
In case you're not familiar with them, these are the ones card companies provide for times when slapstick cards depicting goofy bears with gaping hospital gowns just don't seem appropriate, nor is any mention of "getting well soon." Instead, much like sympathy cards, they emphasize peace, comfort, lots and lots of religion, and the sender's thoughts being with the recipient.
Well, apparently there's pretty high demand for these cards because the three "Serious Illness" slots were completely empty -- not even an extra envelope remained.
There were two slots for "Serious Illness - Religious" cards, and those were full. Even though I know the recipient is deeply religious, I just can't bring myself to buy those cards with the hazy sunsets in the background and line after line of loopy script that would surely be impossible for a truly ill or elderly person to decipher.
So I tried the "Thinking of You" category offered by several different cardmakers, but those just had too much hope and themes like, "Life is tough, but tomorrow's a new day - the sun will shine tomorrow." (which of course makes me think of Little Orphan Annie singing "Tomorrow")
No, that wouldn't work either.
So, I left.
I think I'm just going to make one myself -- probably just a simple flower photo that I took printed out and adhered to a blank card from the craft store.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Saturday Culinary Adventures

I picked up a couple of zucchini at the local farmer's market this morning and used them, along with my own onions and banana peppers, to make vegetable lasagna.
It was the first time I'd ever made lasagna.
Yes, I know that's frightening. A 33-year-old woman who has never made lasagna.
I didn't have a big rectangular casserole dish, so I used two small round casserole dishes, and that worked just fine.
Yummy.
Now, it's a tradition that whenever I cook, I cut my fingers. Today I mixed things up a bit by getting through the process of cutting the vegetables without harming myself.
This time, for variety, I tried the old giant-knife-hiding-in-the-dishwater trick, and boy, did that ever work like a charm. Luckily, I managed to get the bleeding slowed (after considerable loss of paper towels, tissues, and band-aids) in time to eat the lasagna when it was finished baking.

Here's what I used --
For the sauce layer: 1 medium zucchini (sliced), ½ fresh onion (chopped), and 3 banana peppers (chopped) – sautéed in olive oil with a tablespoon of minced garlic; added to mixture of 1 jar of super mushroom Prego sauce, 1 tsp. garlic powder, 2 tsp. dried basil leaves, 1 tsp. dried oregano, ½ tsp salt
For cheese layer: 1 small container fat free ricotta cheese, 1 pkg. mozzarella cheese, approx. ½ cup grated parmesan cheese
Thursday, August 17, 2006
How NOT to Get in Good With God
The painting of Jesus hanging in Bridgeport High has been in the news constantly of late, at least in this area of the state. And now it's been stolen.
Brilliant.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
"Living in Sin" Also Against WV Law
According to this article by Unmarried America, a group mentioned in the Daily Mail article, the other states with anti-cohabitation laws are Virginia, North Carolina (the NC law, however, was recently overturned by the court), Florida, Michigan, North Dakota, and, yes, Mississippi. Yet another list we're on with our pals in Mississippi! (see also adult obesity and children living in poverty)
Monday, August 14, 2006
Got Nectar?


These pics aren't great because I had to use the digital zoom, AND it was getting dark. She's a rather skittish little thing, so I had to watch her from a distance.
This is the first hummingbird I've ever gotten to frequent my feeder since I moved out of my last apartment 3 years ago. This year when I saw a hummingbird passing through, I bought a new feeder, new nectar, and moved the feeder to a new location -- right in the middle of all the gladiolus.
It didn't take long for her to return and find the feeder.
Last night, she sat for a long time on an old glad stem (top photo). She groomed herself, much like I've seen ducks and geese do, but on a much, much smaller scale, which was fascinating to watch.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
What We Think About When We Go Senile
It was one of those dreams where very little actually happened, but it gives you a dose of concentrated stress and anxiety, and when you finally wake up you're exhausted.
I have these dreams on a variety of topics. Most recently it was another blast from the past - band camp (as in high school marching band practice). It's been over 15 years since I really had to worry about band.
But one night a couple of weeks ago, something unearthed that little scrap in my brain and stirred up a night of band-related stress.
Here it is mid-July and I've heard nothing about band camp.
Was I cut from the band? Don't they want me any more?
What if I accidentally threw away the notice?
Maybe it was in the paper and I didn't see it.
Etc. For what seemed like the entire night.
I hate those dreams. I'd rather dream about being chased by a vicious, slime-dripping monster.
Considering this kind of dream combines the present, shreds of the past, and pure fiction, I've been wondering if this is the type of thing I might endure permanently if happen to live long enough to enter senility. Yeah, I know, a happy thought, but I just wonder if I'm destined to be tormented in my old age by band, basketball, and random other high school worries.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Hot Pepper Follies

I probably will not be planting hot peppers in my garden next year, and here's why: they're just too dangerous and I'm too big of a wimp.
It all started when I ruined one pair of contacts when I set the plant out way back in May. They were, thank goodness, disposable contacts, but still.
Then last week I got the brilliant idea of picking one of the hot peppers and adding it to some sauteed vegetables I was making. Ha. That was brilliant for a number of reasons.
I quickly learned that a fresh hot pepper was much too hot for me. I don't know what variety this is -- just something I picked up at Lowe's. It's not like I sent away for the hottest pepper seed available. No, no, just the average hot pepper from the local garden center is too much for this hillbilly.
Even before I got to attempting to eat the thing, my fingertips were burning and then my lower eyelids -- because I'm like a sleepy infant and constantly rub my eyes. And then I took a bite of the vegetables and my lips started burning, too.
What a mess.
Hours later, after having washed my hands numerous times (including doing the dishes), it was time to call it a night and take out the contacts.
Somehow, the pepper oil remained -- under my fingernails, I think -- and pow -- right in the eye!
So I have the disposable plastic gloves handy now, and I don those every time I go near the plant. My college student neighbors must think I am bonkers. "Look dude, Plastic Glove Lady is out in her yard!"
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
West Virginia: Prison-home to the stars
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Accumulated Gripes
- Please quit sending me granny spam*. My grandmother does not send these messages, but you know what I mean. Chain e-mails about kids dying of cancer who will get a nickel for every time the e-mail is forwarded, the usual urban legends, and whatnot.
I would rather get a one-line message stating "Gee, nothing going on here, just checking in."
I WOULD RATHER HEAR GORY DETAILS ABOUT MEDICAL PROBLEMS!
BTW my granny spammer is a relative I've never met! (well, perhaps we passed each other at a family funeral, but I don't recall an introduction) It should be illegal, punishable by blaring rap music at midnight, to granny spam someone without having met them.
*No, for those of you who know my grandmother, she does not send these messages to me. - I'm already tired of the WVU-Marshall football game hype, and it's only August 1. To be honest, I was tired of it weeks ago. I check the Charleston newspapers' web sites regularly, and I just can't get over the endless parade of stories about this game. I know it's a slow time of year, but good grief. Thank goodness high school football practice has started. Perhaps that will create a diversion.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tomatoes. And while you're at it, keep your cats, dogs, and other domestic animals OUT OF MY GARDEN!
- When the National Weather Service has bothered to issue a heat advisory for the area, do not dare tell me that you're cold. And if you don a sweater under such conditions, be prepared for me to lunge at your skinny little throat.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
How I learned to appreciate humidity
It took 33 years, but I finally developed some appreciation for the dreadful humidity we are subject to in this area. Oh, this doesn't mean I'm going to quit complaining, but inwardly, I'll be more appreciative.
You see, I took a trip to the southwest earlier this year. And that was before the summer heat and wild fires got going.
Having lived my whole life in a place where grass is pretty much standard - and sometimes unwanted - it was initially fascinating to be in the "high desert." In New Mexico, the first southwestern state I visited, the different colored rocks were very interesting to me, and I was consumed by taking pictures of nearly everything.
Gradually, the aridness started getting to me.
I marveled at how people could live out in the middle of predominately flat, dry land. Cattle grazed on what appeared to be nothing more than dust, rock, and the occasional mound of sagebrush.Think how giddy those cows would be if they were magically transported to the mid-Ohio valley where there's grass galore.
By the time I got to southern Colorado, I was beginning to get a little depressed. OK, maybe it was partially because of the intermittent altitude sickness I suffered when we climbed above 8,000 ft.

Dust blew. The dryness parched my nasal passages. I wished for rain. We camped on a dry, barren, rocky hillside, and I found myself rather edgy. I wanted water, just to see it. A puddle would have been nice, but something more substantial like a creek would have been preferred.
I recalled of the terrible summers we had in WV in the 1980s, when I remember walking on brittle, brown grass and the Little Kanawha sunk down yards from its normal shoreline. I'd felt the same way back then, like the world was coming to an end.
We drove on through Colorado, driving over places that were labeled rivers and creeks but were nothing more than dried-up ditches. I had previously considered the Little Kanawha a small river. Not any more.
When we got to Colorado Springs, we got a campsite beside a small stream with flowing water! There were huge trees on the bank of the stream. Gloriously huge trees. We admired them, to the point that we asked the owners of the campground what kind they were. Cottonwoods! No matter what he had said, I would have decided they were the most beautiful trees ever.
And eventually, somewhere in Kansas, I exclaimed happily, "Look! Trees on the hills!"
So I don't take it for granted any more. And humidity - well, with humidity at least there's a little hope for rain, so I'm OK with it. Well, more OK with it than I used to be.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
But We Like Trans Fat
I almost purchased a bag of sour cream and onion Mister Bee chips over the weekend, but then I thought, if I'm going to splurge, I don't want to be disappointed by the new taste, so I passed.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Kudos to the DMV, Once Again
I dropped the envelope in the mailbox at 12:45 p.m. Monday afternoon and when I got home today, my new car registration card and sticker were waiting for me in my mailbox.
I don't even see how that's possible!
I wish my health insurance company would learn a thing or two from them.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Wrong Numbers
The calls roll in for a variety of reasons, but many seem to be because I have the extreme luck of having a phone number that is one digit off the phone number of the circulation department at the nearest daily newspaper.
As it turns out, when people don't get their papers delivered in the morning, they phone the circulation department, often in a state of great annoyance.
And maybe you didn't know this, but newspapers are delivered very, very early in the morning. Eight o'clock seems to be the panic point for a lot of customers.
Unless it's raining and a paper got wet, and then - oh joy - it can be even earlier.
So most of these calls I answer a) dripping, while wearing a towel because I was in the shower or b) while still half-asleep.
I can understand these wrong numbers, but what really surprises me is the number of people who get my breezy answering machine message and then leave detailed messages.
Apparently, they consider it absolutely normal for a newspaper to answer its phone, "Hi, this is S. I'm not home right now, so please leave a message."
Initially, I'd get home in the evenings, get the message, and feel extremely guilty that the caller had perhaps been waiting all day for someone to return their call, especially when the messages seemed to be from elderly people.
I got over that guilt pretty fast when I called one of those callers to let her know that she had gotten the wrong number.
"Well, I KNOW!"
She was annoyed by my call.
So, to safeguard against further annoying any of those wrong number dialers, I say, if you think your newspaper answers the phone, "Hi, I'm not home right now," then you are just out of luck.
Oh yeah, and just for the record, I am NOT the person who returned the DVD case to the public library without the DVD, but thanks for giving me a little variety in my answering machine wrong numbers. The public library and that borrower are also out of luck.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Big Plants, Big Religion
First, kudzu on steroids.
Sure, we have our occasional hillside of kudzu around here, but compared to the mountains carpeted with the stuff that you find down there, what we have here is nothing. Their kudzu reminds me of a gigantic monster hiding under a green bed sheet.
Second, churches on steroids.
The first time I traveled through Tennessee and NC I was shocked by the size of the churches. My WV mind sees a structure of that size and immediately thinks "Civic Center" or "High School."
The one that really amazes me is located just outside of Johnson City, TN. It features multiple playing fields equipped with soccer goals. I know a lot of schools around here that don't have that kind of facilities!
Oh yeah, a really eerie thing happened as I was traveling on I-77. Both times I passed Robert C. Byrd Dr. outside Beckley - once on June 30 and again on July 4 - one of Sen. Byrd's Bible ads was playing on the radio.
Which brings me to another thing -- I think this is the first time in my life that I recall RCB actively campaigning, or at least it's certainly the earliest I remember hearing radio ads.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Not Open for Business: Wheeling Brothels
Turns out the city has quite a colorful history (which I never heard about in WV history class, by the way), and that may have come to an end last week with the raid of the last brothel.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Road Bowling
I think old Route 14 over Elizabeth Hill would make a good track for something - either luge or extreme road bowling.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Telescopic
The graphic is part of the Venture Across America series that centers around "mystery and mystery revealed."
Monday, June 19, 2006
New Online Exhibit Unveiled for WV's Birthday
A Funeral, Sort Of
I wasn't the only one there. There was also a couple there videotaping, and I saw several cars driving by slowly, the passengers craning to inspect the debris. On the sidewalk, it was sort of the same mood as you'd get at a funeral home visitation ("I can't believe it's gone"..."after all these years..."won't be the same"..."what a shame")
What really struck me was how small the footprint of the building seemed. That store had always seemed so huge to me.
It seems truly remarkable that the fire didn't spread to the other buildings on the block. When I first heard on the radio that the store was burning, I envisioned the whole block going up in flames.

Effects of the fire extended well across the street -- see the melted street sign (above) and heat-damaged trees on the courthouse lawn (below).
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Goodbye to a Landmark
Maybe it was its central location near the courthouse and right at the bend of Route 14 as it ambles through town, or maybe it was the experience of stepping into the past whenever you entered the store - something made the store a landmark, one of the symbols of the community.
As I was growing up, I remember going there with my parents to get hardware (nails, nuts, bolts, pieces of pipe). When I got older, I was sent in by myself to buy bags of feed corn for our pet ducks while my parents pulled the car around back to have it loaded into the trunk. And in high school, it was a convenient place to stop in and pick up some candy and chips at lunch.
I'd been thinking that I need to take my new digital camera and get some new pictures of Elizabeth, but of course I hadn't gotten around to it. I looked through my old pictures for a black & white picture of the store that I thought I took back in 2003. I've yet to locate it, if indeed it exists. (Update: The Hur Herald has a picture of the store posted with their article about the arrests.)
As an AP story I saw earlier today pointed out, Elizabeth is the latest small town in WV damaged by massive fires; Salem and Sutton have also been hit in recent months.
It's going to be very strange and sad to go back to my hometown and not see that store.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Adios
Mister Bee Trims Waistline
They've switched to frying their potato chips in pure cottonseed oil. Previously they used partially hydrogenated soybean oil. And judging from the article, many Mister Bee fans are not exactly thrilled about the change.
If they've ruined Mister Bee sour cream and onion chips - my all-time favorite Mister Bee offering - then it's a real shame.
Leaving is the First Step
The Brooklyn Hillbilly sent me this NY Times article about West Virginia that's worth a read:
For Many West Virginians, Leaving Is First Step Home
Monday, May 22, 2006
Pre-vacation Frenzy
I have a list of things that go in my suitcase. A list for the duffle bag. A list for the carry-on bag. A list of things to take out of my purse. A to-do list, broken down by day, of all the things I have to accomplish before departing. A list of things to get at the grocery store. A list --
Well, you get the picture. My life is presently a mess of lists, and I've yet to make it to the end of any of these lists before either losing it or discarding it and making another list. It seems I'm more of a list-maker, rather than a list follow-througher (um, you know what I mean). Or perhaps I just need a list that prioritizes the other lists.
Somehow, I hope to be leaving for vacation in a few days...
Friday, May 19, 2006
Blog as Evidence
And just for possible future reference, if you find me dead in my house, please check the dog excrement flinger's alibi.
I think he is just incredibly rude, not dangerous, but just so you know.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Creek Flood Lotto
Pros
- It's free.
- There's no red and yellow signage proclaiming your backyard a Hot Spot.
Cons
- The odds for a positive outcome are about as good as Powerball.
- You play whether you want to or not.
- What you usually win is an old tire, a deflated basketball, or a tricycle.
BTW, is there a law requiring that these items be stored untethered on flood plains? Especially children's toys! Why do they seem to gravitate toward small streams? Do parents present their kids with a new toy, saying, "OK Billy, go play with this next to the creek! Shoo! Hurry! Oh, don't mind the rain, Billy, go!" ??
One of my relatives is a regular player of this little flood game. Yes, he has a bit of a Creek Flood Lotto problem.
He's collected tires, lots and lots of children's toys, a round bale of hay, and many other smaller items permanently encrusted in mud on the creek bank. Several months ago a kid's toy car - the huge kind that kids ride outdoors - washed up. He thought he knew the kid it belonged to and was contemplating dragging it up the road to him, but then the next flood came, washing it away forever.
Of course, he doesn't want any of these fine items, and when it comes to the tires, it's actually quite difficult to try to dispose of those.
Which is how I got on this topic to begin with...
According to a TV ad I just saw, the WV DEP is collecting old tires at various locations throughout the state through mid-July. So, if you have hit the creek flood tire jackpot, or just have tires to dispose of (especially if you're upstream from our property!), here's your chance to do it for free:
List of WV DEP tire collection sites (PDF)
More info (at bottom of the page)
Monday, May 15, 2006
Radi-licious!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
The latest on JL
May 15 - Here's another JL story, this one from a Wood County fund-raiser. The photo with this one is rather frightening (bad flash?) -- she kinda looks like a wax figure.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Indian cooking with the hermit hillbilly
I can't remember where I first ate Indian cuisine. It was either in Washington, DC, or Morgantown. Regardless, I fell in love quickly with Indian food, especially chicken curry.
A friend gave me an Indian cookbook several years ago, but it wasn't until recently that I got the courage to try some of the recipes. I've made 3 or 4 of the dal recipes several times, to the point that I'm comfortable enough with the recipes to change them to suit my own tastes and available ingredients.

This is the lentil base, made with pink lentils, turmeric, and, of course, water.

And then here's the "tempering oil", which has cumin seeds, fresh ginger, minced garlic, onions, serrano peppers, dried red chiles, and canola oil. I've taken to reducing the amount of oil in my version, adding a couple of extra chiles and extra lemon or lime juice, and in this batch I threw in some fresh spinach from my garden. This goes into the lentils once they're finished cooking. Mmmmmmm.
Because I don't particularly like cooking (esp. the cleaning up part of cooking), I double the recipe and spoon the dal over basmati rice at each serving, which allows me to eat most of the week on one batch.
I've tried a couple of the potato recipes, and so far I haven't been blown away by the results.
The latest I tried (above) was spinach potatoes, which called for potatoes and spinach (duh), onions, ground coriander, ground ginger, garlic, ground cumin, cumin seeds, fennel seeds (I learned I'm not too keen on fennel seeds), dried red chiles, canola oil, and who knows what else I'm forgetting. Oh yeah, garam masala. It was OK, but I probably won't bother making it again. I like the various dals much better.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Election Day
I did go vote today and used one of the touch-screen machines. I didn't encounter any problem.
The only thing that did give me trouble was selecting candidates. I wound up voting in only one race because I couldn't bring myself to just randomly choose someone I didn't know. In the other race in which I actually had heard of some of the candidates, I didn't particularly care for any of them, so I skipped that one, too. I didn't even get to vote against most of the people who'd made me suffer through their hideous, cutesy campaign songs; apparently those candidates were on the other ticket.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Still Alive
Sigh.
But I did at least get around to building and planting a small raised garden in my backyard. Those are rows of radishes to the left, some onions just to the right of them, and spinach on the right. The spinach has not been doing nearly as well as I had hoped. But even if I never get anything to harvest, I think the rows are somewhat pretty ;).
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
G'day! Welcome to the turnpike!
"G'day, Mate, that'll be $1.25 for your automobile."
Hmmmm, wonder how you write Tamarack in Chinese?
Really, why stop at the turnpike? Let's see if the Aussies are interested in a few hardscrabble counties to go with their Indiana and Virginia toll roads.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Nightmares of a Web-surfing Birder
As you may recall, I'm quite the bird feeder and watcher, and tufted titmice are among my frequent feeder visitors. I know, however, to be cautious when speaking of the titmice. Well, it's best to be cautious in revealing that you're a "birder". There aren't a lot of 30-somethings who are going to think that's cool (and being cool is oh-so-important to me).
But you must be extremely cautious about bird names, because it seems whomever named them had quite a thing for tits and boobs.
There are several varieties of titmice.
The bushtit.
The brown booby.
And I could go on and on about the various peckers.
So, in my dream/nightmare, the employer's internet police (in real life, I'm not sure this even exists) descended upon the office to meet with the boss and another member of the office. When they emerged from the conference room, one of my co-workers was immediately dismissed because she had clicked on a link to a XXX Web site that came in a spam message.
They turned to me and said, "They wanted to fire you, too, because you went to a site called 'Titmice', but we got them to back off."
"But that's a bird!" I cried.
"I know, and that's what we told them."
Ha - see, that's how you know it's a dream! In real life, no one else in the office would have had a clue that a titmouse wasn't some sort of kinky sex toy.
For the record, I have used only my home computer for my illicit titmouse surfing.
BTW, the Cornell birding site is great. They have some new nest box cams, too.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Yes, Now They Want to Tax Water
This year it's cats, bottles, and bottled water, and who knows what else. Bottled cats shall be doubly or triply taxed, no doubt.
It's only a minor consolation that the water they want to tax is bottled water. (the evil THEY being state government)
The proceeds from the water tax would go to PEIA and higher ed institutions, primarily Tech.
Now, as much as I like higher ed and the idea of keeping PEIA premiums affordable for retirees -- for the gazillionth time, no more taxes!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Is that a "curling loaf" or are you just happy to see me?
So I've been tuning in to CNBC this week to watch the curling competition on Torino, and I must say, the nightly presentation of "the official NBC curling loaf" (it's VERY unfortunate that I cannot find an image online) has almost become more entertaining than the curling itself.
The curling loaf, as the NBC announcer says enthusiastically and a bit devilishly, is baked by "Guido", a local baker, and resembles a curling stone (
It also resembles a half-circle shaped loaf of bread with a giant penis emerging from the center.
And that's where the fun comes in.
One of the week's high points came when the curling loaf was presented to the World Curling Federation President Roy Sinclair, an older Scottish gentleman, who upon laying eyes on the curling loaf remarked (on air), "That's kind of sexy". The NBC host advised him, if I'm remembering correctly, to take special care with the handle.
And then there was the night -- maybe that was yesterday -- when the curling loaf was given to a lovely young member of the USA women's team. "I will eat every crumb," she said. Teehee!
OMG, now that is some good television. And I thought Mad Money was the only excitement on CNBC!
******
Wednesday, Feb. 22
OK, here's what a curling stone looks like:

Thanks to Dave for the tip!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Obitwatch: New-to-me Death Euphemism
Monday, February 13, 2006
Misheard Ads
That's not what the ad says, but that's what I hear.
It's a local television ad, coaxing viewers to spend their tax refunds at one of the area's furniture stores. Part of it goes something like this:
Dining room tables and chairs.
Bed room sets.
*slight pause*
Many of our customers are buying sectionals!
What sells the mishear is the woman's tone. It's that slightly exaggerated excitement so common in local ads. She utters "buying sectionals" in a "you're not going to believe this, but..." kind of way.
The rest of the problem is the ad inevitably comes on when I'm in the next room brushing my teeth.
There I stand, mouth full of Crest, brush brush brush, and I hear "Many of our customers are bisexuals!"
Gulp - nearly swallowing the Crest - and I remember for the thousandth time: "No, no - she said SECTIONALS."
Friday, February 10, 2006
Winter? Really? Are you sure?
After the very mild January we had, it's hard to get used to the idea of having snow again.
I canceled my weekend plans earlier in the week when I came down with a mild virus (or something) that left me exhausted and exceptionally grouchy. So, I will be enjoying the storm -- if there is one -- from the comfort of home.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Mmmm, Biscuits!
Hmmm, I don't suppose they got us mixed up with Charleston, SC, this time, did they?
Since I'm used to hearing how obese and unhealthy West Virginians are, I'm surprised only that Charleston's male suicide rate was the worst. It is possible, after all, to be happily unhealthy.
My New Uniform, Perhaps
Monday, February 06, 2006
Tag I'm It
Four jobs I've had:
cashier, catering wench, volleyball team manager (work-study job), legal secretary
Four movies I can watch over and over:
OK, here's the deal, I CANNOT watch movies over. I hate to do so. But if I had to, here are some I'd pick: Dances With Wolves, Meet the Parents, Dreamer, The Cider House Rules
Four places I've lived:
Buckhannon, Elizabeth, Morgantown, and, very briefly, on a mountain in Pendleton County
Four TV shows I love:
Reno 911, Dirty Jobs, Trading Spaces, The Shield
Four places I've vacationed:
Yellowstone, WY; Lewes, DE; Acadia, ME; Niagara Falls, NY/Canada
Four of my favorite dishes:
dilly casserole bread, chicken curry, homemade mashed potatoes, fried shrimp
Four sites I visit daily:
Bloglines, The Charleston Gazette, The Charleston Daily Mail, Yahoo!
Four places I would rather be right now:
anywhere, with a border collie; Bethany Beach, DE; the Black Hills of South Dakota; Montana - never been there, but I want to go
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Groundhog Day Wrap-up
Punxatawny Phil - Shadow
Buckeye Chuck - Shadow
Plan your next 6 weeks accordingly.
Speaking of keeping one's pets indoors
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
JL update
Cat Tax? Hisssssssssssssssss!
So, you want me to pay for the honor of being awakened each morning by cat-tongue-on-the-eyelids? Having one's furniture shredded by felines is so sinfully pleasurable that one should be taxed to make up for it?!
I might be OK with paying a small fee for my entirely indoor cats if my home county would also enact and enforce a leash law for both dogs and cats. I realize that's harsh for cats, but I've had quite enough of the neighborhood sprayers and mulch-mounders. That's to say nothing of the feces flinger -- a matter which will not be resolved by any leash law.
But I digress.
Here's what a Daily Mail article has to say about the cat tax proposal.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Speaking of breaking with one's party
The Senior Senator is backing Alito.
Some are speculating that this may be because a well-known WV Republican challenger announced his candidacy yesterday for Byrd's Senate seat.
Maybe. But I doubt it.
I've told the Brooklyn Hillbilly that I think the only person who could beat RCB in an election would be some other soul with exactly the same name. If hometown were the only distiguishing factor between the candidates, then the newcomer might have a 50/50 chance.
Furthermore, I say if RCB dies after the ballots are printed for the next election, he might just win anyway.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Everybody loves Joe
I wasn't polled, of course, but if I had been, I probably would have rated him pretty highly. While I don't agree with many of his political views, I appreciate his push for change and also his willingness to openly hold views that don't always go along with those of the national Democratic party.
One Day
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Open For (Illegal) Business
Good grief...
So, my question is, was it beside or down the hall from the lab for reprogramming satellite TV cards?
Monday, January 16, 2006
WV history according to Heath Ledger
Hmmmm, I would've been eight or so years old--funny I don't remember hearing ANYTHING about those late 1970s/1980s WV lynchings.
According to state archives officials, quoted in The Daily Mail, there hasn't been a lynching in WV "within nearly 75 years."
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Glory Road: The WV Connection
Tonight I was listening to Sportsline and heard an interview with Mark Downey, a former Monongalia Countian and University of Charleston basketball player who has a role in the movie as a University of Kentucky basketball player.
I can't find his picture on the movie Web site (graphic-intensive movie sites are a royal pain on my dial-up connection), but here's his picture so you'll know who to look for. He plays a guy nicknamed "Crash."
UPDATE - Heard on the radio this morning that Downey's number in the movie is 30.
UPDATE II (Jan. 16) - I didn't get to see Glory Road over the weekend, and after hearing the review of it on Sportsline tonight, I'm not too sad.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Urgent Message to All Heifers
See this story for details and a bizarre photo of a Tyler County calf stuck, well, stuck in the mud.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Hardscrabble Jab
"Gathered around our 'hardscrabble,' wide-screen, high definition televisions, we shared that pain."
Perfectly said. It's so good to see someone else "enjoying" the frequent use of hardscrabble (aka "acme of barrenness").
It must have been quite disheartening to the national media that Sago was within range of a cell phone tower*, thereby eliminating the opportunity to complain at length (as they did during the JL media saga) about being marooned in such an isolated locale and being unable to use their blessed cell phones to reach the outside, civilized world.
*at least that's what I gather from the reports of cell phones being used to reach family members at the church
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Disaster brings out the best and worst
Even from outside the state, people have sent an outpouring of sympathy. According to this Saturday Gazette-Mail article, floral arrangements have been sent from as far away as California and Alberta, Canada, and some out-of-town visitors stopped by the Sago church to offer condolences and make a contribution to the fund for the miners' families.
And then there are the vile, disgusting beings that rear their ugly heads during times of disaster.
Now, it takes a lot to shock me, but when I made the mistake of clicking on a "Discuss" link at the bottom of one of the Yahoo!News stories about the miners, I was absolutely floored.
Yes, the usual comment spam, but many awful jokes about the miners surely being illiterate because they were from WV and therefore being unable to leave notes, and others cracking jokes about incest, such as saying their notes were addressed to "My sister/wife".
One anonymous user, going by the name of "yoursisterispurdy", wrote an entire satirical note that touched on all the usual WV stereotypes. It starts off like this (the rest is just too awful for me to post, but I feel I must actually offer proof that people are this small-minded):

That's the tip of the iceberg. My advice is to never, ever click on the Discuss link. Just save yourself the lost sleep and elevated blood pressure.
Meanwhile, a Kansas-based "hate group, which operates as Westboro Baptist Church", is planning to picket the community memorial service planned for Jan. 15 at Wesley Chapel in Buckhannon. The Buckhannon Record-Delta reports that they were informed that 10 to 15 picketers would be in attendance from 1:30-2 p.m. Jan. 15.
If you have the stomach for it, Jerry has the group's fax celebrating the death of the miners posted on his site. Keep in mind that this is the same group known for picketing soldiers' funerals.
It baffles and deeply disturbs me that there's more than one person in this country who believes that picketing funerals is an appropriate means of advancing their cause.
Disgusting.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Grim
As I watch the TV reporters, I can see in the background those familiar blue tubes that fascinated me so much when I was a naive youngster (forgive me, I don't know what those tubes are really called, but I assume they're what carry the coal out of the mine).
There was a section of the road that we traveled to my grandparents' house that went under those giant blue tubes, or very similar-looking blue tubes at another Sago mine. As a kid from a small town with almost no industry, I was greatly interested in the mine. It was enormous, I thought, and a bit mysterious, too, because it didn't seem like there were any people around -- just a big blue building and pipes disappearing into the side of the hills.
On the way back from my grandparents' house, reaching the mine meant we were almost back to the "big" (i.e. paved) road -- another reason the mine sticks out in my memory.
At night, there were lights on the tubes and the buildings. You could see the glow from far away. Driving under the lighted tubes was a real treat, I thought (I hadn't yet seen the Wheeling Festival of Lights). I remember thinking -- and perhaps saying -- "It's like New York City!"
Monday, January 02, 2006
Sago Mine Explosion
Sago is a small community just outside of Buckhannon in Upshur County. It's a nice area where the rocky Buckhannon River is beautiful -- or at least it still was the last time I was there, about 8-9 years ago.



