Nightmares of a Web-surfing Birder

I had a bizarre nightmare of sorts during which I narrowly escaped being fired because I visited a Web site called "Titmice" using my work computer.

As you may recall, I'm quite the bird feeder and watcher, and tufted titmice are among my frequent feeder visitors. I know, however, to be cautious when speaking of the titmice. Well, it's best to be cautious in revealing that you're a "birder". There aren't a lot of 30-somethings who are going to think that's cool (and being cool is oh-so-important to me).

But you must be extremely cautious about bird names, because it seems whomever named them had quite a thing for tits and boobs.

There are several varieties of titmice.

The bushtit.

The brown booby.

And I could go on and on about the various peckers.

So, in my dream/nightmare, the employer's internet police (in real life, I'm not sure this even exists) descended upon the office to meet with the boss and another member of the office. When they emerged from the conference room, one of my co-workers was immediately dismissed because she had clicked on a link to a XXX Web site that came in a spam message.

They turned to me and said, "They wanted to fire you, too, because you went to a site called 'Titmice', but we got them to back off."

"But that's a bird!" I cried.

"I know, and that's what we told them."

Ha - see, that's how you know it's a dream! In real life, no one else in the office would have had a clue that a titmouse wasn't some sort of kinky sex toy.

For the record, I have used only my home computer for my illicit titmouse surfing.

BTW, the Cornell birding site is great. They have some new nest box cams, too.

Yes, Now They Want to Tax Water

Oh, isn't the Legislative session so much fun? Each year it's exciting to see what new things they want to tax.

This year it's cats, bottles, and bottled water, and who knows what else. Bottled cats shall be doubly or triply taxed, no doubt.

It's only a minor consolation that the water they want to tax is bottled water. (the evil THEY being state government)

The proceeds from the water tax would go to PEIA and higher ed institutions, primarily Tech.

Now, as much as I like higher ed and the idea of keeping PEIA premiums affordable for retirees -- for the gazillionth time, no more taxes!

Is that a "curling loaf" or are you just happy to see me?

During the last Olympics, I became somewhat addicted to watching curling.

So I've been tuning in to CNBC this week to watch the curling competition on Torino, and I must say, the nightly presentation of "the official NBC curling loaf" (it's VERY unfortunate that I cannot find an image online) has almost become more entertaining than the curling itself.

The curling loaf, as the NBC announcer says enthusiastically and a bit devilishly, is baked by "Guido", a local baker, and resembles a curling stone (unfortunately, you can't see the handle too well in that photo see below).

It also resembles a half-circle shaped loaf of bread with a giant penis emerging from the center.

And that's where the fun comes in.

One of the week's high points came when the curling loaf was presented to the World Curling Federation President Roy Sinclair, an older Scottish gentleman, who upon laying eyes on the curling loaf remarked (on air), "That's kind of sexy". The NBC host advised him, if I'm remembering correctly, to take special care with the handle.

And then there was the night -- maybe that was yesterday -- when the curling loaf was given to a lovely young member of the USA women's team. "I will eat every crumb," she said. Teehee!

OMG, now that is some good television. And I thought Mad Money was the only excitement on CNBC!

******
Wednesday, Feb. 22
OK, here's what a curling stone looks like:

Thanks to Dave for the tip!

Obitwatch: New-to-me Death Euphemism

I saw this today in the Obituary section of one of the state's newspapers:

"the Master chose to take home one of his most precious flowers for his bouquet"

*Update: The Brooklyn Hillbilly writes: "Mine will say 'the Master has picked an errant weed.'"

Misheard Ads

Many of our customers are bisexuals!

That's not what the ad says, but that's what I hear.

It's a local television ad, coaxing viewers to spend their tax refunds at one of the area's furniture stores. Part of it goes something like this:

Dining room tables and chairs.

Bed room sets.

*slight pause*

Many of our customers are buying sectionals!

What sells the mishear is the woman's tone. It's that slightly exaggerated excitement so common in local ads. She utters "buying sectionals" in a "you're not going to believe this, but..." kind of way.

The rest of the problem is the ad inevitably comes on when I'm in the next room brushing my teeth.

There I stand, mouth full of Crest, brush brush brush, and I hear "Many of our customers are bisexuals!"

Gulp - nearly swallowing the Crest - and I remember for the thousandth time: "No, no - she said SECTIONALS."

Winter? Really? Are you sure?

If you listen closely, you can hear the beeps of cashiers around the state scanning the bread and milk purchases. A winter storm is supposed to hit the state this weekend, so that means it could be anything from a light dusting to two feet, like the President's Day storm three years ago.

After the very mild January we had, it's hard to get used to the idea of having snow again.

I canceled my weekend plans earlier in the week when I came down with a mild virus (or something) that left me exhausted and exceptionally grouchy. So, I will be enjoying the storm -- if there is one -- from the comfort of home.

Mmmm, Biscuits!

The Brooklyn Hillbilly sent me this link to an article by Men's Health naming Charleston as the most unhealthy city for 2005.

Hmmm, I don't suppose they got us mixed up with Charleston, SC, this time, did they?

Since I'm used to hearing how obese and unhealthy West Virginians are, I'm surprised only that Charleston's male suicide rate was the worst. It is possible, after all, to be happily unhealthy.

My New Uniform, Perhaps

I stumbled across this t-shirt today online and am considering purchasing it for my visits to the hairdresser and local pharmacy.

Tag I'm It

Michelle tagged me so here it goes:

Four jobs I've had:
cashier, catering wench, volleyball team manager (work-study job), legal secretary

Four movies I can watch over and over:
OK, here's the deal, I CANNOT watch movies over. I hate to do so. But if I had to, here are some I'd pick: Dances With Wolves, Meet the Parents, Dreamer, The Cider House Rules

Four places I've lived:
Buckhannon, Elizabeth, Morgantown, and, very briefly, on a mountain in Pendleton County

Four TV shows I love:
Reno 911, Dirty Jobs, Trading Spaces, The Shield

Four places I've vacationed:
Yellowstone, WY; Lewes, DE; Acadia, ME; Niagara Falls, NY/Canada

Four of my favorite dishes:
dilly casserole bread, chicken curry, homemade mashed potatoes, fried shrimp

Four sites I visit daily:
Bloglines, The Charleston Gazette, The Charleston Daily Mail, Yahoo!

Four places I would rather be right now:
anywhere, with a border collie; Bethany Beach, DE; the Black Hills of South Dakota; Montana - never been there, but I want to go

Groundhog Day Wrap-up

French Creek Freddie - No Shadow

Punxatawny Phil - Shadow

Buckeye Chuck - Shadow

Plan your next 6 weeks accordingly.

Speaking of keeping one's pets indoors

As I said yesterday, I'm a proponent of keeping cats (and dogs) indoors. Here's a good reason to keep you dogs and cats tightly locked indoors.

JL update

Here's a little something that updates us on JL and her college life. Like many freshmen do, she's changed her major. Perhaps inspired to avenge Jayson Blair's fabricated interview with her parents and fictional account of her homeland (remember those tobacco fields?!), JL has changed her major to journalism.

Cat Tax? Hisssssssssssssssss!

We're used to be nickel and dimed as WV taxpayers, but a bill introduced in the House this week would also open the door to "dog and catting." Well, we're already being "dogged," but the bill proposes giving counties the ability to tax our cats as well.

So, you want me to pay for the honor of being awakened each morning by cat-tongue-on-the-eyelids? Having one's furniture shredded by felines is so sinfully pleasurable that one should be taxed to make up for it?!

I might be OK with paying a small fee for my entirely indoor cats if my home county would also enact and enforce a leash law for both dogs and cats. I realize that's harsh for cats, but I've had quite enough of the neighborhood sprayers and mulch-mounders. That's to say nothing of the feces flinger -- a matter which will not be resolved by any leash law.

But I digress.

Here's what a Daily Mail article has to say about the cat tax proposal.