Swing Stating
WV has made the UK press yet again. And more here on the state's now famous elector ("Could the mayor of a small West Virginia city make all the difference?").

And this one's title, all the way from Australia, will make your blood boil; seems to me the headline is the worst, though. Headline - "Trailer trash: fightin' mad, want Dubya." I was "fightin' mad" myself when I read "trailer trash," but when you read the story you find that they've plucked something out of a an author's quote to make a sensational headline. Grrrrrr. Trailer trash. I'm suppressing all of the nasty things I'm thinking about kangaroos and koalas.

Today I received two pieces of mail from a union - of which I'm NOT a member - asking me to vote for Kerry. It's at least the fourth or fifth such mailing I've received from that group.

On the state level, be sure to ask Michelle what she thinks of Monty. (LOL)

Bird blogging (which one should never do in close proximity to cat blogging)
I saw my first "snowbird" (a.k.a. dark-eyed junco) tonight under my bird buffet post, from which hangs a platform feeder, a thistle-seed feeder (largely ignored by my birds), a brand new suet log (made by my dad), a small feeder I use for black oil sunflower seeds only, and another new suet feeder my dad made (block of wood with holes drilled in it). The tufted titmice and white-breasted nuthatches are regular visitors to the suet log, but they've yet to try the new suet feeder (link provided to prove to Brooklyn Hillbilly that I'm referring to a bird, instead of a cheap WV girlie bar - No, BH, "The Tufted Titmice" is not a bar along I-77).

Utter randomness
Only a week till the election - when we find out which way WV is going to swing - and I'm feeling cranky, as usual.

There are significantly more weighty issues to think about this week, but what's really pissing me off of late is the driving of people who treat narrow two-way streets (with cars parked on one side) as one-way streets, steering their cars way the heck over to the side of the street opposite the parked cars, even if that's not "their" side of the street. What - are those cars explosive devices or something? Will they detonate if you get your mini-van too close to it?? That's what they seem to think. The effect is that a perfectly usable two-way street becomes a frustrating traffic nightmare.

Meanwhile, the fight is on to get a plaque of the ten commandments removed from the Clay County Commission chamber. I don't really care whether the Christian version of the ten commandments, or Judaism's version, or anyone else's version, is posted in the Clay County, a Certified Hardscrabble Location (I'm working on getting the signs printed up to pass out to locales in central WV). I'm guessing there are probably far more critical issues that the Clay County Commission could be contemplating. The Brooklyn Hillbilly, of course, disagrees with me on this.

Oh yes, and one more thing, if I hear another politician utter the phrase "clean coal technology," I'm going to scream. I've never heard the phrase as much as I've heard it in the past couple of weeks; both parties are tossing it around the phrase as if it makes perfect sense. Yes, I am well-aware that there's technology referred to as "clean coal technology," but I think it's rather amusing that anyone can utter the phrase and keep a straight face, as if there is truly a clean way to do anything with coal, including extract it from the WV hills.

More on the Glenville robbery added to yesterday's post below...
The Brooklyn Hillbilly spent several quality years of his life in Glenville, so I'm hoping he will weigh in soon on the selection of Foodland for an armed robbery.

Squirrel season and voting
No story about West Virginia and its electoral tendencies is complete without a mention of squirrel season (and guns, guns, guns and more guns). Sadly, no use of "hardscrabble" in this story.

A hot time in Glenville See "Foodland Clerks Robbed at Gunpoint" listed under Oct. 18 - hat tip to Diane
The Hur Herald has an account of the excitement in Glenville during homecoming weekend at GSC. Hard-core Mountaineer football fans will recognize the names of those allegedly involved in the robbery of the Glenville Foodland (note: I think the 25-year-old is no longer a member of the team, according to my memory, Diane's Googling, and a quick check of the online student directory). From the NFL to robbing the Glenville Foodland - oh, the twists and turns one encounters in life, much like the twists and turns of Route 5 that likely helped authorities catch the two.

Tuesday update
Understandably, the state media have been having a field day with this story all day (e.g. here). The news already has also traveled to publications in Seattle, Las Vegas, Indianapolis, etc. The capture of the two will likely make some sort of "stupid criminal" compilation. It seems that after crashing the vehicle in the woods along Route 5, several hours later Garvin emerged from the woods and, in his attempts to get a ride, flagged down the crime scene investigation vehicle (one broadcaster described it as an unmarked SUV, but still).

The more I think about this story, the more I have to believe they were high. Isn't the first thing they teach in robbery school the art of a successful get-away? Who robs a grocery store in Glenville, where the nearest interstate is miles and miles away, over a curvy section of Route 5? You could get behind a logging truck or someone on their way to church! Good grief.

He shall clog again (and various other news tidbits)
Oh, thank goodness - the governor will be able to clog again after his knee surgery, but perhaps not in time for Joe's inauguration. Oh, wait, we haven't had that election yet. That's right. Sorry.

In other political news, the Cheneys will be visiting Charleston on Monday and have chosen to partake in a favorite West Virginia pasttime - eating.

Meanwhile, on an unrelated topic, here's some more on the alarming story of the transgendered bass in the Potomac River. They're producing eggs, those crazy male bass. Unsubstantiated rumors also report the bass have taken up shopping, cross-stitch, and scrapbooking, and have shown a preference for lures made in trendy color schemes. Researchers blame pollution, but they're not entirely sure which kind of pollution.

Unofficial presidential polling data
My unofficial, purely imaginary polling data has 75% of border collies polled preferring Bush (citing his spacious ranchland in Texas), while 80% of retrievers chose Kerry, based on his love of water sports. So, if the election were held today, and only dogs were voting -- well, I would feel almost as good about the election as I do the actual one on Nov. 2.

Mail bag
Dave Ryan, formerly of The Braxtonian, has a new blog, Ramblings of a College Freshman. It was good to hear from Dave, who is attending a university in West Virginia and resides just over the hill from my money pit domicile. I've added his blog to my WV blogroll.

"...the going rate for a vote these days is $15 or a pint of whisky" (link received from Jerry)
Delightful. A state for rent. Now we can officially say we're internationally known for our - er, um - unique voting traditions (as this is written by the BBC's Washington correspondent). It's hard for me to imagine these things going on because what I've experienced as a life-long resident of the state (in two counties) is so very far from the scenarios described in the article. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Oh no. I can imagine it, unfortunately.

Anyway, I did go vote today, and I received nary a dollar or a pint of whisky. Sigh. Seriously, though, it was my first time voting with a touch-screen machine, and I have to admit I found it a little disconcerting not to have a piece of paper to shove into a big box after I was done making my selections. I have voted in one of the state's smallest counties and, most recently, in one of the state's largest counties, and until today I've always used paper ballots.

The early birds
I did not wait in line to cast my vote this morning, nor did I even make it to the courthouse on my lunch hour, but I'm planning to go before the end of the week. So, after that time, the candidates can announce their intentions to invade Canada and I can do nothing to change my vote. On the other hand, if I meet an untimely death between now and Nov. 2, my ballot still counts. In a last ditch effort to sway my vote, the Brooklyn Hillbilly sent me a couple of URLs along these lines. If any candidate could deliver to me a flu shot - I mean the actual injection, not just a promise - that might influence my voting (so, if you're reading John & George, just let me know when the syringe is ready).

The BH also explained to me that the Joe for Governor signs that say "Help is on the Way" are likely take-offs from the Kerry campaign slogan, not direct slams at Joe's democrat buddy Bobby W. who's been running the state for the last four years. I had previously expressed to the BH my surprise at the Joe for Gov. signs, unable to believe they were suggesting the state had not been "helped" for the last four years. Thankfully, I have the BH to educate me on the ways of democratic politicians.

Tonight, West Virginians interested in both the presidential race and the Mountaineer football team will be torn between watching the football game vs. Connecticut and the last of the three debates. With any luck, the game will be out of control (in WV favor, preferably) by the time the debate comes on, but if not I intend to flip between the two and hopelessly confuse myself as the football-speak bleeds into the politician-speak.

"Plan B"
In this case, plan B seems to mean, "We ain't got no money." So, I guess it wasn't just me, and my friendly letters from Monty have not been intercepted.

BTW, the early voting period begins Oct. 13 and runs through Oct. 30. I will be casting my ballot as soon as humanly possible.

UPDATE: Oct. 13 is also the last day to register to vote in West Virginia. That means if you register to vote on Oct. 13, you can register and vote all in the same day!

Here's a little something for the Brooklyn Hillbilly
Today I saw the following headline in an ad in the local buy-sell-trade publication:
TUBS OF LOOSE BARBIE DOLLS

I always suspected those dolls were a little trashy.

'A (temporary) good thing' for the Alderson economy
The "Martha goes to jail" media blitz is on in Alderson.

Next it'll be feline braces
I took the furballs in for their annual exams and vaccinations today. It seems they both need to have their teeth cleaned. I'm not opposed to kitty dental care, except that it's gonna cost me around $150, if I'm lucky. The older cat may require blood work that'll jack up the price even more. Ironically, I'm going in to get my own teeth cleaned next week, and the cost will be about half that (of course, I don't get the pleasure of anesthesia, like my cats will). So it looks like my Christmas gift to myself will be the joy of seeing my cats strutting around with gleaming white teeth, which they will later use to attack my feet as I try to sleep.

Forget corn mazes - how about having the kiddies sell lingerie?
(hat tip to Jerry, who is all over everything involving lingerie - just kidding ;)

So, it seems the children at an elementary school in Kanawha County are being asked to sell items from an Avon catalog for a school fund-raiser, and a parent is upset about the suggestive poses and the lingerie in the catalog. See exhibit A to get an idea.

As an aside, I sometimes see students heading to their college classes wearing little more than this (sometimes less), but I don't really see how it's appropriate for kids to be selling it. I mean, what about gift wrap, popcorn, frozen pizzas, and low-quality greeting cards? That's what kids are supposed to sell.

Two hillbillies walk into a corn maze...
Eh, no punchline, as we managed to make it out of our very first corn maze. In fact, we were so efficient in our escape, we managed to miss about half of the signs giving the answers to the 12 trivia questions we were supposed to be answering. Of course, we didn't realize that was the objective until we were done. We thought the goal was to get the heck out as quickly as possible, which we did. After a while the perfect rows of corn have a dizzying effect, so I wasn't about to go back in to collect the answers.

Overall, it was a good time, and it struck me as a good fundraiser for rural areas, especially for groups like FFA or 4-H.

Billy Joel now a hillbilly... by marriage
Proving that West Virginia girls can marry significantly older rock stars just like the rest of world's debutantes, 23-year-old Huntington native Kate Lee wed Billy Joel over the weekend at his Long Island mansion. Sadly, the Brooklyn Hillbilly's invitation got lost in the mail.