Making History

I'm no first lady historian or anything, but I'm going to go out on a limb and bet that this is the first time a WV first lady has been photographed in this position.

It's probably not a complete coincidence that this story about her exercise routine happened to be published the same day WV was once again receiving recognition for having one of the most obese populations in the U.S. (thank you, Mississippi & Alabama, for helping us stay out of the #1 position).

It will be interesting to see which politician, if any, will claim credit for trimming our waistlines - if indeed our waistlines are ever trimmed.

Don't get me wrong -- I think losing weight, exercising, and eating as healthy as possible is very important. I try to do it myself (despite what you might think based on yesterday's post), and even though it's a pretty big part of my life, I don't particularly care to have any politicians encouraging me to lead a healthier lifestyle. For example, anyone on the list of 50 Most Powerful West Virginians should as a rule refrain from encouraging me to eat healthy and exercise. I would be infinitely pleased if you would simply focus on being powerful and running whatever it is that you're running instead of bothering yourself with my dining habits.

Fix a few of our state's big problems (hmmm, like poverty) and I bet the obesity problem will get better on its own. But I guess it's a lot easier to tell us we shouldn't eat Twinkies and potato chips than to actually come up with a way to address the truly weighty matters facing the state.

Pepperoni Bread

I'm a huge fan of pepperoni rolls, but I'm not much of a cook.

A couple of years ago, I remembered that my mom used to make pepperoni bread using frozen bread dough. I wasn't sure exactly how. I think I finally located a recipe on the internet and that got me started trying to craft my own ultimate pepperoni bread.

This latest batch was the closest I've come to frozen dough pepperoni bread perfection, if indeed there is such a thing.

Here's what it is:
Frozen bread dough - thaw and allow to rise according to package directions; then roll out on a floured surface as thin as you can get it, in the approximate shape of a rectangle

Then layer on the dough:
Grated parmesan cheese
Pepperoni (I use turkey pepperoni)
Dried oregano
Shredded mozzarella cheese (I have used fat free and it works fine)

Roll it up and fold the ends. I usually put the open side down on the cookie sheet (use foil for easy clean up). Brush with beaten egg. Bake at 350 degrees (or whatever it says on the frozen bread package) until dark brown.

The dried oregano was new this time, and I think it does give it a subtle kick that I really like.

Man Brandishes BLENDER

If you're looking for someone to serve as an ambassador for the state, then look no further.

Whilst visiting Ocean City, he first claims to be Osama Bin Laden, and then he brandishes a blender.

Ah yes. A blender, the terrorist's weapon of choice. They'll Frappe you to death, and if that doesn't work, they'll hit the Liquify button.

The second and third words of this news article are "West Virginia."

Perfect.

Kudzu Alert

Recently I blogged about the rampant kudzu I saw during a trip to North Carolina.

Today, the Daily Mail ran a story about kudzu taking a greater hold in the Mountain State.

We must fight the invasion! Grab your Round-up and lawn mowers (as the article suggests) and fight this evil demon.

Here's an especially disturbing excerpt from the article:

Kudzu's root systems are much like that of potatoes or other tubers. If left alone, they keep growing and can become large masses weighing several hundred pounds.

Several hundred pounds? OMG - That's what -- the size of a 3rd grader?

Death -- Apparently a Good Business To Be In

I went to Hallmark tonight to pick up a card from the dreaded "Serious Illness" category.

In case you're not familiar with them, these are the ones card companies provide for times when slapstick cards depicting goofy bears with gaping hospital gowns just don't seem appropriate, nor is any mention of "getting well soon." Instead, much like sympathy cards, they emphasize peace, comfort, lots and lots of religion, and the sender's thoughts being with the recipient.

Well, apparently there's pretty high demand for these cards because the three "Serious Illness" slots were completely empty -- not even an extra envelope remained.

There were two slots for "Serious Illness - Religious" cards, and those were full. Even though I know the recipient is deeply religious, I just can't bring myself to buy those cards with the hazy sunsets in the background and line after line of loopy script that would surely be impossible for a truly ill or elderly person to decipher.

So I tried the "Thinking of You" category offered by several different cardmakers, but those just had too much hope and themes like, "Life is tough, but tomorrow's a new day - the sun will shine tomorrow." (which of course makes me think of Little Orphan Annie singing "Tomorrow")

No, that wouldn't work either.

So, I left.

I think I'm just going to make one myself -- probably just a simple flower photo that I took printed out and adhered to a blank card from the craft store.

Saturday Culinary Adventures

I picked up a couple of zucchini at the local farmer's market this morning and used them, along with my own onions and banana peppers, to make vegetable lasagna.

It was the first time I'd ever made lasagna.

Yes, I know that's frightening. A 33-year-old woman who has never made lasagna.

I didn't have a big rectangular casserole dish, so I used two small round casserole dishes, and that worked just fine.

Yummy.

Now, it's a tradition that whenever I cook, I cut my fingers. Today I mixed things up a bit by getting through the process of cutting the vegetables without harming myself.

This time, for variety, I tried the old giant-knife-hiding-in-the-dishwater trick, and boy, did that ever work like a charm. Luckily, I managed to get the bleeding slowed (after considerable loss of paper towels, tissues, and band-aids) in time to eat the lasagna when it was finished baking.



Here's what I used --

For the sauce layer: 1 medium zucchini (sliced), ½ fresh onion (chopped), and 3 banana peppers (chopped) – sautéed in olive oil with a tablespoon of minced garlic; added to mixture of 1 jar of super mushroom Prego sauce, 1 tsp. garlic powder, 2 tsp. dried basil leaves, 1 tsp. dried oregano, ½ tsp salt

For cheese layer: 1 small container fat free ricotta cheese, 1 pkg. mozzarella cheese, approx. ½ cup grated parmesan cheese

How NOT to Get in Good With God

Breaking news: Jesus picture stolen

The painting of Jesus hanging in Bridgeport High has been in the news constantly of late, at least in this area of the state. And now it's been stolen.

Brilliant.

"Living in Sin" Also Against WV Law

Well, this will come as a great shock to a lot of people. I would love to know just where in WV this law may have been used by law enforcement (see paragraph 3).

According to this article by Unmarried America, a group mentioned in the Daily Mail article, the other states with anti-cohabitation laws are Virginia, North Carolina (the NC law, however, was recently overturned by the court), Florida, Michigan, North Dakota, and, yes, Mississippi. Yet another list we're on with our pals in Mississippi! (see also adult obesity and children living in poverty)

Got Nectar?

These pics aren't great because I had to use the digital zoom, AND it was getting dark. She's a rather skittish little thing, so I had to watch her from a distance.

This is the first hummingbird I've ever gotten to frequent my feeder since I moved out of my last apartment 3 years ago. This year when I saw a hummingbird passing through, I bought a new feeder, new nectar, and moved the feeder to a new location -- right in the middle of all the gladiolus.

It didn't take long for her to return and find the feeder.

Last night, she sat for a long time on an old glad stem (top photo). She groomed herself, much like I've seen ducks and geese do, but on a much, much smaller scale, which was fascinating to watch.

What We Think About When We Go Senile

For a couple of years after I had carpal tunnel surgery on my right wrist, I had recurring dreams in which I was back in high school struggling to play basketball with my post-op right hand and finally having to give it up completely.

It was one of those dreams where very little actually happened, but it gives you a dose of concentrated stress and anxiety, and when you finally wake up you're exhausted.

I have these dreams on a variety of topics. Most recently it was another blast from the past - band camp (as in high school marching band practice). It's been over 15 years since I really had to worry about band.

But one night a couple of weeks ago, something unearthed that little scrap in my brain and stirred up a night of band-related stress.

Here it is mid-July and I've heard nothing about band camp.
Was I cut from the band? Don't they want me any more?
What if I accidentally threw away the notice?
Maybe it was in the paper and I didn't see it.

Etc. For what seemed like the entire night.

I hate those dreams. I'd rather dream about being chased by a vicious, slime-dripping monster.

Considering this kind of dream combines the present, shreds of the past, and pure fiction, I've been wondering if this is the type of thing I might endure permanently if happen to live long enough to enter senility. Yeah, I know, a happy thought, but I just wonder if I'm destined to be tormented in my old age by band, basketball, and random other high school worries.

Hot Pepper Follies

I probably will not be planting hot peppers in my garden next year, and here's why: they're just too dangerous and I'm too big of a wimp.

It all started when I ruined one pair of contacts when I set the plant out way back in May. They were, thank goodness, disposable contacts, but still.

Then last week I got the brilliant idea of picking one of the hot peppers and adding it to some sauteed vegetables I was making. Ha. That was brilliant for a number of reasons.

I quickly learned that a fresh hot pepper was much too hot for me. I don't know what variety this is -- just something I picked up at Lowe's. It's not like I sent away for the hottest pepper seed available. No, no, just the average hot pepper from the local garden center is too much for this hillbilly.

Even before I got to attempting to eat the thing, my fingertips were burning and then my lower eyelids -- because I'm like a sleepy infant and constantly rub my eyes. And then I took a bite of the vegetables and my lips started burning, too.

What a mess.

Hours later, after having washed my hands numerous times (including doing the dishes), it was time to call it a night and take out the contacts.

Somehow, the pepper oil remained -- under my fingernails, I think -- and pow -- right in the eye!

So I have the disposable plastic gloves handy now, and I don those every time I go near the plant. My college student neighbors must think I am bonkers. "Look dude, Plastic Glove Lady is out in her yard!"

West Virginia: Prison-home to the stars

Yet another thing we can be known for. I'll be on the lookout for a naked guy parading around the yard at the Kennedy Center.

Talk About a Tough Contest to Judge

Accumulated Gripes

When it gets above 95 degrees, I get cranky (crankier):

1. Please quit sending me granny spam*. My grandmother does not send these messages, but you know what I mean. Chain e-mails about kids dying of cancer who will get a nickel for every time the e-mail is forwarded, the usual urban legends, and whatnot.
   
   I would rather get a one-line message stating "Gee, nothing going on here, just checking in."
   
   I WOULD RATHER HEAR GORY DETAILS ABOUT MEDICAL PROBLEMS!
   
   BTW my granny spammer is a relative I've never met! (well, perhaps we passed each other at a family funeral, but I don't recall an introduction) It should be illegal, punishable by blaring rap music at midnight, to granny spam someone without having met them.
   
   *No, for those of you who know my grandmother, she does not send these messages to me.
   
2. I'm already tired of the WVU-Marshall football game hype, and it's only August 1. To be honest, I was tired of it weeks ago. I check the Charleston newspapers' web sites regularly, and I just can't get over the endless parade of stories about this game. I know it's a slow time of year, but good grief. Thank goodness high school football practice has started. Perhaps that will create a diversion.
   
3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's tomatoes. And while you're at it, keep your cats, dogs, and other domestic animals OUT OF MY GARDEN!
   
4. When the National Weather Service has bothered to issue a heat advisory for the area, do not dare tell me that you're cold. And if you don a sweater under such conditions, be prepared for me to lunge at your skinny little throat.