Happy New Year, Hillbillies of the World!

I'd like to write more on New Year's Eve, but the Southern Hillbilly and I have a truly raucous New Year's Eve planned here at the hillbilly shack.

First, we're going to do crossword puzzles while munching on crackers and cheese and carrots and dip.

Then we'll watch the World Poker Tour marathon on the Travel Channel (this is the Southern Hillbilly's cup of tea, not mine) until we fall asleep on the couch, most likely before midnight.

We're just keeping our fingers crossed that the neighbors don't "call the law" on us for disturbing the peace.

Remember, West Virginians, do not buy groceries today! Wait until tomorrow, when you'll save a whopping 1 cent per dollar, courtesy of our generous, compassionate state politicians.

Hint for lowering your heating bill

First, it is absolutely essential to remove all obstructions from your heating vents.

What do I mean by obstruction?

Well, it might look a little something like this:

Holiday hiatus

Not that it really matters, but just wanted to say I'll be away from cyberspace for a while.

It's that time of year when I pack up the kitties and head back to the homeland to devour mass quantities of fat- and sugar-laden foods, and explain to people I haven't seen in a long time that no, I'm still not married, nor have I even managed to reproduce, and therefore, I have not accomplished anything of much interest to them.

Oh, the holidays.

To all my blog friends, be careful (watch out for the deer!) and have a wonderful, safe holiday.

SC, WV - eh, who cares...

The Charleston confusion reared its ugly head again today. This story made the Rush Limbaugh show today, but, unfortunately, he initially introduced the story as being from the Charleston, SC, Daily Mail. Of course, since the story is about Sen. Rockefeller, it became apparent just which Charleston it was.

The Best and Worst

As I enter the home stretch of my holiday shopping, here's the rundown of my best and worst experiences so far:

Fastest online retailer
Samsclub.com
My order arrived eerily fast. Did they know what I was going to order before I ordered it? Are they monitoring my e-mails?!!

On the downside, their shipping was the highest I paid.

Most educational tracking information
LLBean

Before getting my LLBean tracking info, I had no idea "sortation" was a word. It is, in fact, and here's what it means. Free shipping and I learned something in the process.

Worst experience returning an item
Goody's
Note to self: do not go to Goody's on lunch hour.

Because I'm not a confident shopper, I sometimes return gifts several times before finally settling on just the right item, which means I get to experience exchange/return nightmares both before and after Christmas. The associate was pleasant and competent, but the line was about 5 people long and it was the only register open. Yet she dutifully offered the first person in line a Goody's charge account.

Just our luck, the person accepted the offer. Even more luck: because she didn't want to carry a balance on the card, she immediately paid off the new account with cash, requiring an entirely new transaction. *Sigh*

Worst customer service
Holiday Hair
OK, it's not really holiday shopping, but because I was out Christmas shopping at the time, I'm including it.

I went to one of the local Holiday Hair establishments for a trim. I'd been there before and paid $11-12 for a haircut, plus tip. And I'm a generous tipper in the hair salon, but that's neither here nor there.

After my haircut, which took minutes, I gathered my belongings and followed the stylist to the cash register. My hair was still damp. She hadn't blown it dry or styled it at all. But that's OK, I thought, because I'm getting a cheap haircut, even cheaper than usual because I had a $5 coupon.

The clearly posted sign stated the cost of a "shampoo, cut, and style" was $16, and since I had gotten neither a shampoo nor a style, I expected to be charged less, as I had in the past. To be clear, I did not decline the shampoo and style. She just didn't do it, and she didn't offer it.

I asked the stylist if I could use my $5 coupon. She said I sure could and rang up a charge of $16, minus the $5 coupon, meaning I still owed her $11 - about what I paid the last time I was there and didn't have a coupon. How convenient.

I was not pleased, and I won't be going back there.

Most seductive shopping environment
Barnes & Noble
This could be considered either the worst or the best, depending on how you look at it. For someone trying to cut costs, it's not a good thing to be so sucked into a store.

I only went there once during the season, but I spent God-only-knows how long wandering around - picking up the books, petting the books, sniffing the books. Books, books, books.

And there are people milling around - cool people, book people. There's an in-store cafe (a real one, not a WV mini-casino masquerading as a cafe). I don't even like coffee, but I like the presence of people sipping their coffee and chatting.

I do not need books, but I want to buy, buy, buy when I go there. So, sadly, I can't go back anytime soon. *sniff*


(more later, if I uncover any repressed shopping memories)

Randomness

Better ask Santa for a few extra rolls of quarters. Turnpike tolls are going up (1, 2) 75 cents - to $2 - effective Jan. 1, 2006.

This is completely understandable. The turnpike has long been the cheapest extreme sport around. Think of, for example, the charge for going skydiving or the cost of a Class V whitewater rafting trip.

Why bother when you can tempt fate and get your adrenaline rush on the turnpike -- all for a mere $2 per toll booth?

***

West Virginia made The Today Show this morning, but not for a pleasant reason.

The case of a Parkersburg woman (a worker at DuPont's Washington Works in Wood County) and her son, who suffered birth defects, was used to illustrate this story about DuPont's agreement to settle allegations that they failed to report the dangers associated with perfluorooctanoic acid.

***

When it comes to holiday baking, I give up.

Usually it takes me two tries to remember the nuances of fudge-making, but this year, even the second batch was unsatisfactory.

I decided it was OK, because usually when I hand one of my weight-conscious acquaintances their plate of baked goods, they act like I've just thrust a live grenade into their hands.

"Bob, you have kids - take some of this fudge home! Come on, they'll love it."

Ahhh, fattening up the children. The governor would not be pleased. Tsk, tsk.

Anyway, this shall be a fudgeless Christmas, my friends. Yet another reason for you to celebrate.

The Year in Errors

Mistakes are bound to be made in print journalism. Thank goodness, because oftentimes they’re far more entertaining than the rest of the content.

This site has just named some of the best errors and corrections of 2005.

(link via Metafilter)

This was just what I needed to get my mind off my mounting credit card bills.

Is that you, Braxton County Monster?

Could a photo taken on 12/7/05 in Braxton County show the famed Braxton County monster?

Scroll down and there's a link to an enhanced image.

If I had to vote, I'd go with the leaf theory posted by some of the commenters, even though most of the leaves have been off the trees for some time. The color of the blurry object seems to somewhat match the color of the leaves on the ground.

---
P.S. - These pages on cryptomundo.com are currently very, very slow in loading. Hopefully it'll get better later on.

See, I told you the WV deer are suicidal!

After this cult-like mass suicide in the eastern panhandle, I think it's time for the DNR to start putting out salt blocks laced with antidepressants.

Because I doubt the link above is permanent, here's how the story starts:

RANSON, WV - Either they misjudged the distance or they couldn't take the traffic. For reasons that mystify authorities, five deer that made their way onto the top of a five-story parking garage suddenly leaped to their deaths Sunday.

They narrowly missed falling onto a security van. Clearly, the deer still have some work to do on their kamikaze roof-jumping tactics.

UPDATE - Jerry directs me to his photo of the Suicide Deer of Charleston. ;) These deer aren't just suicidal, they're homicidal!

The Virgin Mary comes to Greenbrier County, in the form of a Funyun

And then she's sold on eBay...

OMG, the Beckley Register-Herald is really on a roll (alternate link to AP version here).

Tonight on the local news, they were talking about a guy in Greenbrier County who just sold on eBay a Funyun that he believes resembles the Holy Mother holding baby Jesus. He got $609.

What - there's no place in Tamarack for this gem?

According to the Register-Herald story, the man's wife got $40 for a "miracle dish rag" in a past eBay auction.

Dish Man's Fame

I'm guessing my mom wouldn't have approved of the proliferation of satellite dishes on this guy's porch in Beckley. She refused to entertain the idea of putting just one satellite dish on our house. Or, rather, near our house, as the satellite dishes were the size of Hancock County in those ancient times.

Of course, this story is great fodder for those who love telling the "What's the state flower of WV?" joke (answer: the satellite dish). See, for example, this lively discussion on Digg. You really should take the time to read all of the comments.

Here's the original story, with photo, in the Beckley Register-Herald and in the Daily Mail (Daily Mail registration required since it's now in the archives).

Losing a Little Courtesy

I admit that I've often felt reassured knowing that the Courtesy Patrol trucks were out patrolling Route 50.

If my car were to break down or if I were to swerve off the road and wreck because I mistook a median memorial for a deer**, surely the Courtesy Patrol would find me before I froze to death or got raped and/or murdered.

So yes, I was sad to hear the Courtesy Patrol was being reduced to 16/7 instead of 24/7.

But I'm not going to complain about it because I'm definitely a proponent of cutting spending, and generally, I think people should be responsible for fending for themselves. It's my own fault that I'm too stupid and frugal (or perhaps stupidly frugal) to get a cell phone so I can call one of the two roadside assistance programs I belong to.

**TWO YEARS LATER and the aforementioned median memorial still exists. In fact, the original cross has been replaced by a more permanent-looking white (wood??) cross. Occasionally there are flowers and other items placed near the cross -- all in the median of Route 50.